>Pissed Off.

>

I’ve got itchy fingers, and the slight buzz of alcohol has worn off…so I guess I’ll just write a bit…

Today was not a very good day. I wrote in my Morning’s Musing, that I woke up feeling cranky as heck right…??? Well that bad feeling spread into the day.

First off, I found out that I’d short paid my school fees because I forgot to factor the increase in the fees, so I didn’t calculate it properly. And these idiots were actually going to make me go all the way back home, just because of N25,000!!! God knows I was so frigging pissed off!!! Thankfully, I have friends. They hooked me up with the cash and I got that sorted. Now after that, nothing really happened. I’m done with registration. Glad about that. But then these idiots I call executives in my association just have to start pissing me off! Our supposed president just doesn’t understand how to manage people, and everywhere is kinda topsy turvy at the moment. I’m not even in the mood to talk about that. Anyways, I was supposed to print something out from my old man, but I totally forgot. So I go to my uncle’s place to use his printer. It took me 30 fricking minutes to get the bloody printer installed on my laptop!!!! What’s worse? The bloody thing I went there to print?? I forgot it over there!!! ARRRGHH!!!!

Now I get home, I’m exhausted, I want to sleep, and my friend’s gf decides she wants to hang out with me this evening. So they come get me. I’m trying not to be a spoilt sport, so I go on with them. Somewhere along the line, quite far into Magodo, his car breaks down!!! Can things get worse??? So now, the three of us abandon his car there and start walking. And what a walk it was!!! If I thought I needed the exercise, I’d have come packed with running shoes and shit! The only thing that made the Israelite journey worthwhile was the nice bottle of South African Red Wine we were passing between ourselves (ordinarily, I hate red wine, but this was actually nice).

Anyways, we drop his gf at home, I come home…now my dad’s busting my balls. Talking to me about baptism, & when I’m going to do it, and how not doing it is a sign of irresponsibility…and all this shit. And then, he starts saying how it’s because no one forces me to do anything, and a whole lot of bs.

Apparently, he’s going to put me on a spiritual blackmail p. If he doesn’t see a “change” in me (ie, I have to start going to fellowship, night vigils, holy ghost service and all that stuff) he’s going to start treating me anyhow. As if he’s been particularly nice before.

FUCK!!!!!!

I honestly can’t wait to get off his wallet. Like really. Cos that’s the only reason he can do all this kinda stuff. I’m so pissed off right now. It’s a shame because he doesn’t realize that he’s one of the major reasons why I’ve never really developed a “relationship” with God. I look at my father, and what being a Christian makes him, & I’m not so sure I want to be like that. In all honesty, maybe I’ll be able to be at peace with God when I move out of this man’s house. Because I just can’t see it right now. I mean, forcing a person to do something that should ordinarily come from the person’s own free will??? It’s like forcing the donkey to the stream. Fine. You’ve dragged & kicked and pushed, & finally gotten him to the stream. That doesn’t mean he’s going to drink a thing. & if he doesn’t drink, then what the fuck was the point of dragging him there in the first place? All you’ve ended up doing is creating animosity between you and the bloody donkey. And that doesn’t do anyone any good now does it???

I’m just so pissed off at him. He thinks he’s dealing with a kid, who’ll do as you say, no matter what you say cos really the kid doesn’t know anything, and therefore you can force him into doing things so as to create and enforce behavior. I’m not 4 frigging years old! He’s trying to do now, what he should have done 10, 15, 18 years ago. When my mind was still impressionable. But then he was too fucking busy with work, and church, that he didn’t have time to look at his son. To try ro raise his son and cultivate behavior in him. And now in my twenties, he thinks that shit is going to do him any good? & it’s a pity because, any reasonable person would see where he’d gone wrong, and then try to find other means. But as far as he’s concerned? He’s never done anything wrong. He’s always done what was best. It’s what we are doing to him….it’s just…..bullshit.

Just one more year, then I graduate. Then I can start trying to plan out a life that will sever my financial umbilical cord from his as fast as possible.

I just can’t wait…

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About The Capoeira Panda

Panda makes his home in the world of words and metaphors. In the hopes to be more than just a confused blogger, he currently works as the editor for an ecommerce company that was good enough to hire him, and lives with his flat mates & two imaginary dogs who get along just fine. He enjoys reading good books, writing, relaxing with his friends, & poking fun at his mother over the phone. When he's not doing any of these, he sometimes sits back and wonders why anyone expects to learn anything useful about him by reading this bio. View all posts by The Capoeira Panda

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