Facing yourself with the truth is never an easy task. Admitting to yourself that you’ve omitted something, or gone astray in a particular way, can be the most difficult thing that any man can be asked.
It’s so much easier to just sit & stew in feigned ignorance of your wrong doing than to come to terms with it.
Coming to terms means facing the consequences of what you’ve done, and admitting to yourself “Yes. This was my fault.”
These consequences could be anything. Seeing a former lover in tears, & knowing that her heart is in pieces because of you. Or looking at your CGPA in your final year & realizing, that you’d played away 4 years of your life, & quite a large sum of money. It may even be attempting a workout in Capoeira,& realizing that can’t even make it halfway because you’ve gotten very horribly outta shape… realization could come to you in any number of ways.
But a lot of the time, we choose not to take the high road of admitting the truth. Black Ice said “ignorance is bliss & niggas love this, so they take pride in not knowing.”
But the truth is, the truth of your ways will come to you sooner or later. If it doesn’t come to you when you’re looking in her eyes & seeing the pain you’ve caused, it’ll come to you when you’ve left a string of shattered souls in your wake, & the curses of these scorned women catch up with you, & you find yourself all alone. It’ll catch up with you when you have to show the skill you’re supposed to have acquired as a caporista, & you can’t, because you’re so outta shape, you can barely even do the most elementary of drills.
Whatever it is that we run from, will catch up with us someday. No matter how fast we may try to go.
I decided, a few months ago, to stop running. From everything. Now, I live. I wait. For whatever it is, to come meet me. Some people may look at me & think I’m running from God, but the truth is, I’m tired of this song & dance. Now I watch… will He remember me?? I simply wait.
In other ways, I’ll do what I can to manage the concequences of sitting back & watching my stomach evolve into a fluffy ball, & the strength I possessed, fade away… Time to start some workout routine or something…
Face the truth, grow a pair. Set yourself free.