The Naija Blonde.


I’m really confused. What is it with girls, who think that their pretty faces give them an excuse to be all daft???

These days, the term for a lot of girls (I’d call them women, but that’d be an insult to real women so…) in Lagos is “Naija Blonde”. Cos mehn, the level of stupidity among them is frightening! And speaking about being blonde, has anyone noticed how many “girls” these days, refer to themselves as “Black Barbie”???

I’m a bit confused here. Is it that most of these girls don’t realize that one of the biggest qualities that Barbie had/has been the fact that the light bulb on her mental porch wasn’t particularly bright??? She always had to run to “Ken” for help (who in my opinion was just as dimwitted for being in a relationship with such an expired carton of unintelligence). Why in the name of everything holy would anyone want to be the “black version” of that??? I don’t get it!!!

Case: So this very pretty girl walks into the library – It’s that section of the library where people can bring in their laptops, so they can browse and get their work done – So, I’m looking like, hmmm…who’s this pretty young thing??? Thankfully, I’m looking real fly in this lilac shirt and purple paisley tie, so I look her straight in the eye & say hi with a smile on (anyone notice the rhymes?? J)

First of all, the olodo of a child barely even says hi back. That one irritated me right away! I mean me!!! Na wa o…wharris going on in this life??? Anyways, so she brings her laptop in, and – after doing me anyhow – she asks if I can help her sort out her connection. This is the conversation that follows:

Dumb Girl: Hey, em, please could you help me? I wanna connect my lappy.

Panda: O. No wahala. That dude over there is sharing a wifi connection.

DumbGirl: (With a confused look on her face) A what?

Panda: A wifi connection.

DumbGirl: (Looks even more confused) ehn??

Panda: (An exasperated look on my face) a wireless connection.

DumbGirl: O. So how do I get it?

*I point at the laptop that’s connected to the LAN port*

DumbGirl: But there’s no-one there!

Panda: I mean… (Another exasperated look shows up) I mean the connection is being shared off that pc. Oya turn on your wifi.

DumbGirl: My what??

*my head is starting to hurt*

Panda: The wireless on your laptop dear.

DumbGirl: Oh. (With a look that says the light bulb on her mental porch has finally reached half current) alright then.

//two minutes elapse as she attempts to turn on her pc & put on her wifi.//

DumbGirl: Ok it’s on. What should I do now?

*I’m trying my best to not tell her to carry the laptop and use it as a tray in her house, since she obviously lacks the requisite intelligence to use it properly.*

Panda: Search for a network. It’s called ******

//Two minutes later//

DumbGirl: I can’t find it o!

Panda: Is your wifi on??

DumbGirl: Yes it is.

*O for fuck sake!!! I get up*

Panda: Oya bring it.

Now, would you believe that this idiot hadn’t turned on her wifi?!?!?!

Panda: But your wifi isn’t on!

DumbGirl: O……sorry….thank you sha.


At this point in time, all possible attraction that may have existed on a mental level (which in some instances is more important than the physical) has been blasted with a disintegration ray gun. And she’s beginning to look less pretty. I mean, it’s hard to find someone attractive when you keep seeing donkey ears on their head…

I just can’t.

@imMiSsChYliB (an intelligent female friend of mine) told me that some women think that behaving dumb will make guys a bit more attracted to them. Like, a guy is gonna pick a chic that looks like Rosario Dawson but with the brain of a 2 year old kid with Down’s Syndrome, over a simple, somewhat attractive but not jaw dropping woman, who is intelligent and has her wits about her.

Really?? Is that what these girls are being taught in that “secret school” which we men have no idea exists??? If that’s what they teach, then mothers better go and collect their money back o! They are being scammed!!!

There is not one guy alive, who would do such an intensely brainless thing. The only way that would happen, was if all he was interested in was a quick shag or two. And if possible, no cuddling afterwards.

A dumb girl that’s always in need of help spells only one thing: L.I.A.B.I.L.I.T.Y (spell it with me people). And the last time I checked, we fellas don’t want those, we want assets (& by this I don’t just mean big behinds, even though that may be a plus)

So let me clarify. We do not like dumb women. Being stupid will only attract niggas that’ll shag you & then leave. Every real man (and I say “real” cos there’s a lot of fake fools out there) wants a woman with a good head on her shoulders; who will be able to handle herself when there’s some kinda trouble. We wanna be your shoulder to lean on, not to be carrying the full weight that comes with a wooden head!

So please, ladies, be pretty. But in all your getting pretty, please get smart as well. Remember that you attract to yourself, people that are a reflection of the kind of person that you are. So, if the only dudes that wanna date you are dumb niggas………


About The Capoeira Panda

Panda makes his home in the world of words and metaphors. In the hopes to be more than just a confused blogger, he currently works as the editor for an ecommerce company that was good enough to hire him, and lives with his flat mates & two imaginary dogs who get along just fine. He enjoys reading good books, writing, relaxing with his friends, & poking fun at his mother over the phone. When he's not doing any of these, he sometimes sits back and wonders why anyone expects to learn anything useful about him by reading this bio. View all posts by The Capoeira Panda

13 responses to “The Naija Blonde.

  • Ayoka

    >Ayoka said…I liked this post. Capoiera Panda seems oblivious of his self-deception. Almost believable sef :-)Premise 1: Guys like chics that make them feel smart and dependable. It is the ego thing. Premise 2: Many guys are not that smart.Conclusion: Guys like not-so smart chics.SignedConceited Ayoka

  • thetoolsman

    >lol… someone is vexing oh… this was hilarious… lemme add another perspective to your writeup… I asked a gurl the other day who Julian Assange is and the response she gave…. well, lemme not start the part 2 to your post… Before I get crucified, I'll say I think it's all part of a generational issue. Our generation is lazy and really can't care less. It's sad, but the reality is that our women are really lagging behind.

  • TecknicoleurGrl

    >Okay. First of all, I want to give you a hug for this. I'm a girl, and I can't stand most girls coz of the same thing. Really, who wants to spend hours talking about Brazilian hair??!! But don't be dismayed o, there are still a few girls out there with their brains still functioning.As for Ayoka, any man that needs to be with a not-so-smart chic (aka a complete idiot) to make himself feel good is just sad. You can like her for any other reason, but to be attracted by her stupidity… that's a new one.

  • teni

    >Lol, this Ayoka lady seems to be hanging with some fake men, what a generalisation. A man cannot claim to be a man if he cant stand to be around an intelligent woman. If a man is 'not that smart', he doesnt deserve my time because I surround myself with smart men who can hold an intelligent conversation with the opposite sex and actually enjoy it, so that stuff about needing a woman to be dumb in order to feed his ego is just bull, and the woman that falls into and satisfies that mindset truly deserves to be called 'barbie', Plastic and empty.

  • teni

    >Meanwhile, Panda, amazing read, true words. 🙂

  • Vanity

    >Firstly barbie wasn't dimwitted. If you ever owned a real barbie you would know. Barbie was a doctor, astronaut, business woman, model, mother e.t.c it all depended on who you got. Not that that excuses them but I get their points.Secondly, it has been proven again and again that guys would most likely date a pretty stupid girl over a not so pretty smart one. They only choose the smart one after months of conversation. While the pretty ones they choose asap. You can see what kind of misconception that creates.Lastly, I am technologically inept. Yes I know what wifi is but only after months of it being drilled into. That doesn't make me stupid.

  • The Capoeira Panda

    >Vanity, if your comment had been anything less than contrary, I'd have been shocked. Lol.Firstly, Barbie could be "anything you wanted her to be"? I know I don't need to argue with you on this. Secondly, dating the dumb chic, &then leaving her for the smart one, is the long term version of just wanting her for a quickie.. ne cest pas??? And I know you don't have a good relationship with technology but you're different. I know for a solid fact that you're intelligent. & you would've handled that situation differently. And in my uni, the term wifi is probably most loosely used techie term in the entire uni! It very hard for anyone to say they don't know what that means….Toolsman, mehn…I'm just fed up I swear……Ayoka, I guess you've been answered already. I just hope you don't really think that real men want dumb women.Tecknicoleur Girl & Teni, thanks for your words jare…good to know y'all agree…

  • Vanity

    >You call it long term quickie, it's still a relationship. You date the dumb girl for a few months. Picture this scenario, a girl is used to constantly not being picked by males because all her pretty friends get picked first. Her next logical solution is to get a brazillian, fake lashes and all those things that I personally cant stand but are now considered pretty. She's gonna watch her friends and dumb herself down.I've seen this happen many times and more often than not, she gets noticed more albeit for the physical. What is she to do?

  • Ayoka

    >@TecknicoleurGrl, Teni anad Capoiera Panda:The post was in half-jest and wasn't meant to be taken too seriously. General statements ought not to be read more than once :-).I still think guys will traditionally date the pretty Brazilian weaves as long as she doesn't drool, pick her nose or have an IQ less than 70. Guys seem to be initially attracted to what they see – which isn't necessarily a bad thing. The conversations are complementary. @TecknicoleurGrl: 'Not-so smart’ chic isn't necessarily an idiot. It largely depends on one's perception of 'smart'. I could find ignorance about the currency used in Czech Republic as 'not so smart'; another could find it as basic love for trivia – interesting but not interested.@Teni: Sadly, I may have been hanging around with some 'fake men'. I could also pretend incomprehension about the definition of 'fake men' and swear that I won't be able to share an intelligent conversation with a woman's with apparently limited vocabulary. *please don't take that seriously either. *May be we should take a step back and redefine 'smart' or 'intelligent'. I think it is perfectly fine to be clueless about the way a computer connects to Google as long as a girl / boy is 'teachable'. Stealing from Alexander Pope, true learning is sobering. It helps us realise the limits of our perceptions. One more thing – attractiveness or our definition of beauty isn't exclusive of brains. Nothing the matter with a nice mix of both. 😉

  • Ayoka

    >@thetoolsman'Our women are lagging behind'.*yawn*Few Australians or Americans would spell 'Gbagbo' right. – and yes, he is 'important' too. At least important enough to snub Obama.@Panda'Panda: Is your wifi on??'Do you 'on' your wifi?:-)*slides rifles into holsters, cowboy style*

  • The Capoeira Panda

    >looooooool!!!!!!!!! Touché Ayoka… touché……Unfortunately, I would NEVER go near a girl with a brazillian wig. Those things irritate the hell outta me. & they somewhat signify stupidity in my mind…..but you do have some valid points which I failed to point out.1. The perceived level of intelligence is, in truth subjective. What I consider to be really smart, could be stupid to someone else.2. Being daft, is altogether different from being uninformed but willing to learn. A woman who's willing to admitthat she doesn't know, & is willing to learn, is good in my books unless she's just pretending so as to gain attention.Vanity, you're right. That is the messed up world we live in. I guess we have to deal with it however we can…it's just irritating how it's become the "in thing"…..

  • Ayoka

    >hahaha!As long as Beyonce continues to make world's hottest chics' lists, Brazilian wigs and false lashes will continue to look hot and far from ridiculous. And it is hardly just 'in' – the 'dumber weaker sex' myth has worked since Adam blamed Eve for the original sin.

  • Beautiful

    >Nice post panda.But generalizing women who have on fake lashes and brazilian hair as dumb isn't right. A woman can play dumb without those accessories. And panda, maybe u should take time out to have a conversation with some of these brazilian hair babes, not all are dumb/attention seekers as the world assumes. Also, the same way you've explained that men do not like helpless women, from what I've seen, men do not like to date totally independent woman either, they need something to feed their ego and being the "MAN" does this.@Vanity – LOL! u don carry ur wahala reach here abi? how is SK?mmuah babe!

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