Summer P Setting 101 (Part 2)

PBoard

*taps blackboard*

Good day class. I see some of you (like @KevinWithAnL) got here early. Good. I’m sorry we couldn’t be here yesterday. No excuses, let’s just move on.

So, my co-lecturers and I decided that the lecture on unforeseen circumstances should be postponed. We feel like we owe our female students an education on P-setting as well. Both guys and girls should be able to set P effectively…no?

So, to talk to you all about ladies’ setting that P, I’ve invited Dr. Mrs. Oluwadrake (@exschoolnerd) to talk to you. She has vast knowledge in this area, after setting many a P for herself, and having taught many women how to set their P effectively. So pay attention o!

Summer “P” Setting for Ladies (by Dr. Mrs. Oluwadrake)

*Clears Throat*

I just recently found out the meaning of ‘Setting P’. Like Professor Jibs, I thought it meant “setting penis”. And in a way it does actually…at one point some penis setting will be necessary, abi? Ooooookay, moving on..

Girls set p too o! Not as much as guys do but they do and this is just something to help the lady P-setters set their P even better.

Now, just in case you’ve forgotten already, P-setting is an understanding between you and your potential “P” partner that y’all just want to have mindless sex. It’s not a relationship, there will be no crying when you see him use different girls as his BBM DP and never you, there will no “Awalamey!!! So he just used me sha!”, when you see him flirting with other girls ….he will also not nag you when you use another dude’s picture as your DP, or ‘shine muscle’ anytime he sees “CYDM” on his timeline to some other dude…no, no, no. It’s not a relationship it’s a fling…if u can’t handle the “P” don’t set it…SHIKENA!

Not understanding this and jumping into it can lead to scrunchmunching and yansh opening twitter fights….you don’t wanna go down there!

Now I, your able professor will be lecturing you on how to conduct yourself as you embark on this ‘p setting’ mission. What to wear, what to take over for a night of movies, wine, good food…. Yeah who are we kidding? It’s for a night of maximum kpanshing.

There are many ways to ‘Set P’, but Twitter and BBM have made it easier. As a fine girl, all you gotta do is put up that avatar. You have that pout down just right, not too weak, yet not too “odinabarbie-ish”… you wear that low neck top that emphasizes your assets real good… and the finishing move… the “Sandra-pose” (Sandra got like 100 followers in a day after that picture. Don’t dull.)

So yeah, you have your sexy avatar up and them guys start hollering…From the lame with lines like “Hi I am Determination. I am 26, responsible young man who finished from Ajamilokpa University. Can I get to know you better? …To the trying too hard “If music be the food or love, play on…I think I am in love with your avatar.” …to the downright stupid “I will like to take you from the back, nice pix’ ….till the one that finally catches your eye “Don’t mean to come off as forward or anything, but those eyes….dammmn! Sexiest thing about you.” He never gives you too much attention like the other lame-os, and guess what? He focused on your eyes instead of everything else you had out there. He kinda has your interest from there…y’all start tweeting at each other… and a plus is, he’s not bad looking…. What do you know? Christmas is early.

So y’all tweet at each other, you retweet everything he tweets and add a “LOL” to it even if it’s “JUST HAD BREAKFAST”. Slowly but surely it enters DM…you know how you guys do now… y’all DM every day, getting to know each other… from DM, numbers exchange….from numbers, you arrange a meeting… P IS SET! PLAY BALL!!!!!

*Sorry, I get carried away sometimes.*

So, you are going over to his house…
1. Look Good: You roped him in with your sexy avatar, now he’s gonna see you live and direct, not looking hot is not even an option.

2 .Wear The Right Underwear:  If u are like me, you have underwear for different periods. You have those ones that are just right for when you are on your period (granny panties), you have the ones that are just normal good girl looking panties; the kind you want your mum to think you still wear. You have the thongs/G-strings that just leaves everything out there, and you have the lacy sexy panties. Biko! On no account should you wear your period payint for this kind of loloxing o! If there’s a lil’ freak in you, you’ll probably have one of those crotch less panties (I don’t have one ooooo! EHEN! *rotates halo*). They allow for easy access and they are downright slutty and bad…but if you don’t wanna come off as slutty just grab them lacy sexy panties and you are good to go.

3.  Gbomo Gbomo Bags:  You know all those massive handbags that are in vogue? That can successfully conceal a small child? You need yourself one of those. There will be no nylon carrying…are you going to your village?  Ample room for all the essentials…make-up….just in case during the intense kpanshing the sweat wipes off what you have on, and you tend to bear a striking resemblance to a scarecrow without it on (its paramount that you have it with you so you can excuse yourself n just touch up for round
two, nobody wants to make love to a scarecrow. It can make a dick limp faster than u can say ‘shokolokobangoshe’)….extra clothes for your walk of shame….
Some condoms….e.g. Durex, Lifestyle, just in case he’s a gold circle kind of guy (God forbid! Gold Circle is not an option) Sex toys, if u have any…..

4. Carry Vex Money
Like really, in this day and age, any girl who doesn’t hold vex money deserves whatever she gets. How dare you not be prepared for the unforeseen? What if his girlfriend that you didn’t know about and he wasn’t expecting comes around unannounced? While she’s trying to break his head, that’s if she doesn’t face you first, do u think that’ll be the right time to ask him for cab money? No dear! You pick your pata from the ground, slowly wear it, grab your belongings and you run as fast as your legs can take you. Cause the bitch might just be carrying a small container of acid in her bag and is ready to baptize you with it. You run and you find yourself a cab. It could be something else… maybe you didn’t do something he wanted and the jerk goes apeshit on you and throws you out of his house…then what? If you have a car, fine! But vex money always comes in handy. So *holding ears* carry ya  what? Carry ya vex money oooooo.

5. Shave Your Pumpum:

Don’t be carrying no okija forest to anybody’s house. Now most guys have preferences though…but the best way to go is the ‘bald look’….no Mohawk nonsense…..just go bald and make sure the pum pum smells pleasant as it should.

6.  This is not your boyfriend; he is not your friend. So farting, or taking a dump at his place is a nono. You better hold that shit in (no pun intended) till you get home if you wanna be seeing more p-setting days in your future…. Keep those butt muscles in check. Remember, this is strictly a summer kini. If it gets serious fine, but right now…no messing around (no pun intended I swear)

7. It’s advisable not to set-p with more than one person, but hey. Who died and made me queen of p-setting…? Carry go!!!!

Okay Ladies! I think that covers everything. Stick to these rules and enjoy a wonderful p-setting summer. 🙂

 

Alright then ladies, I hope you’ve learned something today. See you all next week.

Any questions?

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About The Capoeira Panda

Panda makes his home in the world of words and metaphors. In the hopes to be more than just a confused blogger, he currently works as the editor for an ecommerce company that was good enough to hire him, and lives with his flat mates & two imaginary dogs who get along just fine. He enjoys reading good books, writing, relaxing with his friends, & poking fun at his mother over the phone. When he's not doing any of these, he sometimes sits back and wonders why anyone expects to learn anything useful about him by reading this bio. View all posts by The Capoeira Panda

69 responses to “Summer P Setting 101 (Part 2)

  • Immortal TeddyBear

    Gbomo gbomo bags???

    Laide o! *rollin*

    However,u made valid points. Ladies take note

  • Immortal TeddyBear

    Oh yeah,FIRST!!

    Missed doin dis

  • @Lagoshunter

    *Picks mic & says* “Ladies, do not be deceived, these rules apply irrespective of if you’re just there for a fuck or a long hual” *Drops mic*

    Nice one but P setting outside Social Media is far more fun

  • dehinsilu

    Kick-ass write up. One small addition: ladies, if you’ve set P and the other monthly p shows up, be kind enough to come up with a decent excuse and re-schedule. Don’t go over to his place&when he’s about to pull payint you will now say “I’m on”.

  • Esquire

    Best point is number 5, i tell you! I dont wanna wade through a bush before i enter the place. But if she’s a really fine geh, i’ll just hand her a shaving stick (something every guy should have in abundance) or a depilatory cream.

  • samanthasiren

    LMFAO!!!!!!! “My name is Determination…”
    “Shave your pum pum”
    “excuse yourself to touch up for round 2”
    Vex money is spot on. Always!
    This is so hilarious and yet on point. I don’t even know where to start.
    On a serious note: Women are not built for casual sex. If you want to indulge…do it once and keep it moving
    or trust me, You’re gonna ctach feelings…
    tears are gonna fall…
    rolling in the deep…
    Okay. You get the point sha.
    Be smart ladies, invoke emotional intelliegence 😉
    Nice on Mrs OluwaDrake & Panda. Truly enjoyed this.
    This amount of Summer P seeting this year shall be quite…heavy.

  • MzLucyM

    Lmaoooooo!! Def learnt a tng or. 4rm dis hmmmm..nyc 1

  • zeem

    ive neva laffed this hard in my entire life….this girl’s a classic!!..laide “payint” really?!..u had to use that word?

  • Young J.

    LMAO @ Payint and Vex moni
    Laide Killed it joh

  • layo

    Lmao!!! Laide!!! Good stuff 😀 ‘Don’t be carrying no okija forest to anybody’s house.’ Lmao

  • theinsanephenom

    LOOOOOL!!! This girl get beta craze…. NIIIIIIICE POST!!! & Yes, i agree with Olu… In the word’s of I-20 from DTP “Don’t ever show up to his crib with your period on”

  • ayanfalu

    *Rolling On The Floor Laffing People In The Office Think I’ve Lost My Mind* *ROTFLPINTOTILMM*

    Of which ladies haff you heard what Dr. Oluwadrake said —-> “It’s not a relationship it’s a fling…if u can’t handle the “P” don’t set it…SHIKENA!”

  • SlevinCalevra

    I always knew those bags could be a lot more useful than for just carrying novels, and tampons.
    Nice post Nerd (You are not ex anything)Professor “P”setter.
    Panda, thanks for the sessions. I hope some people learn sha o!

  • vicarter

    LMAO!!! This laide don madt finish…nice post

  • awizi

    *rolling* Laide haff kee me in this office..My boss is looking at me funny..hope not to set P sha..#movingon

    My own is don’t bring any granny panties to my house..#Thatisall

    Laide killed it..nice one Panda..

  • mabijo

    Lol @ ” You pick your pata from the ground, slowly wear it, grab your belongings and you run as fast as your legs can take you.”
    Please which one is the crotch less panties? 0:)

  • Zeezamsays

    I love this! Madd funny,nd d ‘gbomo-gbomo’ bags #classic!

  • TheRollngStoner

    *tears of joy*

  • Zeezamsays

    Ehen 1 more thing,its not onli during ‘setting P’ o,Ladies alwais alwais alwais carry ur vex money…evn if its jst lunch with d bf,he fit lose wallet (I’m not sayin he’l do it on purpose o)

  • kechilauren

    Mohawk?????lool laide.!!!u did justice to this post..(Y)

  • lekan adio

    Lovely Post, lots of gals need to read this, no emotions involved. Lol really the shit,and mess (no pun intended)

  • Zeezamsays

    Ehen 1 more thing,its not onli during ‘setting P’ o,Ladies alwais alwais alwais carry ur vex money…evn if its jst lunch with d bf,he fit lose wallet (I’m not sayin he’l do it on purpose o) 🙂

  • chux1707

    no, no, no. It’s not a relationship it’s a fling…if u can’t handle the “P” don’t set it…SHIKENA!.. Mad write up..we laugh..but damn its so true..but this ish right here is funny as hell..

  • tobz

    Hahaha… “Shine muscle”.. Gets me laughing every time.
    Awesome post… But I’ve got a question.. If the summer P carry belle nko? Na still P for Paroles or P for Palava?

  • exschoolnerd

    @mabijo google crotchless panties and feast ur eyes

    @tobz na wahala be that oooo!

    Thanks for reading n commenting yall

  • mobollah

    Very very nice (Y)! #noted!

  • james e

    Jezzz! Lmao!!! Great write up… Had to do a take 2 and 3, been a while I laughed so hard serious points though.

  • DL

    Choi!
    Mrs Oluwadrake has killed me o! So next time that chic comes in with a gbomo gbomo bag…i know she has set the P for me…..hehehehehe
    Good topic Sir Panda

  • 'Jibòla

    Oh my dayz! Laide killed ittt AS USUAL

  • bigsheg

    Hmmm…..lovely, all the comments are also valid, Ps boys, beware of the gbomo gbomo bags o! I set P with some Fb chic and she left with my cousins laptop, I ain’t so into Fb anymore, Obviously. Good luck setting P dis summer.

  • damzbaba

    Couldn’t stop laughing… Now oga is sure I’m not taking this training seriously…

  • GidiMallam

    Lngtmb…o ti pe ti Laide ti yawo…as in…hilarious post mehn…

  • chup cake

    Laide oooo…. You no go kill person.. Okija forest…lmao

  • Elle

    Lmao! But wait, au r u supposed to know au ur pumpum smells?

  • @barakolee

    oh my God…. laff wan kill me die for here Jisox…. i dont even know what to say but if i hear say i no follow @exschoolnerd damn, bet theres more of this where it came from looool…. wiping tears…. some serious shit but so comically written….. Accolades… oya babes una done hear sha….she una learn something no dull

  • giga

    Laide! lmaooo! awesome piece…truly awesome! bravo!

  • Oreoluwa

    *clapping* lovely write up. “Don’t be carrying no okija forest to anybody’s house” is still cracking me up.

  • Oreoluwa

    *clapping* Lovely piece. My favourite line is “Don’t be carrying no okija forest to anybody’s house.”

  • Ghazal

    Finally a messiah……setting P just became easier! We can all agree that laide has been setting P for a while now!

  • missforbes

    Nice 1 Laide. This is a must read 4 every girl.

  • @iLuvBOOBS9

    Who wants to set P with me o! 😀

  • nikkyluv

    Tank GOD dat U̶̲̥̅̊ guyz,av sisters nd mother,wit all dis’ P’ U̶̲̥̅̊ ‘re guyz re sayin Ȋ̝̊̅† won’t take U̶̲̥̅̊ 2 anywher,i think U̶̲̥̅̊ ‘re ruff riders,abi,continue,GOD will JUDGE U̶̲̥̅̊.jst pray Ȋ̝̊̅† will neva βε̲̣̣̣̥ 2 late, 4 U̶̲̥̅̊ 2understand wat U̶̲̥̅̊ ‘re doin.FUCK U̶̲̥̅̊ ALL

  • crystalclearwords

    Laide u haf mad finish! No mohawk abi? Te hehehe. Set P instruction booklet toh kwaliti

  • amosquito

    WOW!!!! This is the funniest stuff I’ve read all week as in babes you’re the BOMB… *currently building a monument to your greatness* please help us tell these ladies how the game is played. Because of this post I am currently looking for ways I can either become or Kill Drake(but if you were me wouldn’t u do the same). Gbomo Gbomo bag? Am never getting over this, it has been very enlightening.

  • exschoolnerd

    @elle erm well…u know…u know now…u know jor!!! Hehe

    @bigsheg na only u go set p with person wey go steal laptop…smh hehe

    @nikkyluv just say u don’t know how to set p still… :p

    @amosquito pls oooo leave my drake ooooo….

  • GG

    I endorse dis post. Bravo!!!

  • Dr. McLovin'

    Dear Nikkyluv,

    I’m quite sure its never that serious. Judging by the amount of passion and anger with which you condemned this wonderfully humorous write-up, I think its safe to assume you haven’t been laid in quite a while(either that or someone amputated your funny bone). Researchers at NYIT have discovered a correlation between the lack of a sense of humor and the length of time elapsed since ones last sexual healing. You would do well to set you own P in order to help restore your sense of humor. Until then, avoid all comment boxes and opinion sharing forums. Thank you and God bless you as you do so.

    P.S. dont forget to shave your pum pum. I know a good landscaper that specializes in long-unused vagina hair clearance and rejuvenation.

  • shollylolly

    don’t dull even on this blog post area one P don set.funny stuff

  • JpurKin

    Prolly @nikkyluv’s P has turned to Preggy & Palava (no pun intended). This course is an elective which myt help ur low CGPA.

  • exschoolnerd

    @drmcloving n @jpurkin thnks jare, I cdnt v put it better

    @shollylolly lmao at one ‘p’ don set…

  • Moh

    Crazy stuvz been laffin all day, read it lik 4tymz alredy. So d babes r gettin agressiv now abi ,let d P wars beginz 😀

  • Dera Meka

    So true and very annoying… Flings are hard for some people though, not because they disagree with casual sext but Emotions take over @times… Kudos on this

  • Frankie!!

    Dis is 1 crazy write-up..lwkmd!! Gbomo gbomo bag (I knw a grl wit a story2tell on dis issue) @Exschoolnerd Thanks 4 reppin we ladies nd showin d guys dat, we sef dey on point wit d P’setting.. I knw sme pips will hav sumtin 2 yarn ontop dis my comment..(Abeg free me jare, jst cus no min say I no knw)… @Sholly U’ll alwys rep sha.. @DrMclovin’ I cldnt hv put it any beta (LMAO!!) @Panda Ur blog totally rocks.. @Zeem nd Chike *smh*..

  • Lala Silva

    Lmao. VERY VERY spot on!

  • tosin

    Lol…..wow
    Very funny piece…..vex money. Gbomo gbomo bags…..hahahaha let’s just say I will neva look @my big bags the same again thanks 2u!
    Exschoolnerd is simply hilarious bt brilliant @d same time

  • Temi

    Period payint,VexMoney Ayaf die Lmao! Hilarious piece but can’t fault any of the points made
    Thumbs up,P setting summer toh gangsta!

  • Tohbad

    I don’t know which is killin me more, d write up or d comments. All I gast to say is ladies, if u r settin the “p” use only ur head nd vajayjay, leave ur heart at home. However, a quick question for Dr Mrs Drake, there has been instances where d lady “put it on d dude” nd nd jst moved on(one night ish), now d dude no wan let go again(calls, beggin nd straightup stalkin). Wat shld she do?

  • bykerboi

    OMG… She’s done it again. The best I have ever read. cant wait for more

  • chinnydiva

    Err…all I have to say is; keep your P setting away from twitter, you can even take it to facebook if you like but definitely NOT twirra.

    I know this…

  • donsege

    @Panda na weyrey post be dis o! I don dey laff like weyrey. Shet!!!

    @exschoolnerd God knows I hate u, n u hate me ryt back, but hates aside, dis was a killer post!!!

    @nikkyluv . . . . . (Censored)

    @Dr Miclovin LMFAO #deaddddd

  • exschoolnerd

    @tohbahd she should just ignore till he gets d msg

    @donsege I don’t hate u, I don’t hv time to hate anybody…thnks

  • Sisi™

    This was the only one of the trilogy that made me laugh hard… maybe cuz i’m female n thus can relate sha. AND i actually learnt something!

  • PETprojects

    Dear Nikkyluv,
    This page is for matured audience with fully activated humour antennae, i apologize on behalf of Dr Oluwadrake for not putting up the disclaimer. However, BellaNaija remains open for wedding pictures, M & B typed stories and Naija red/yellow/green carpets. You may now move over to that train…
    Before you go, here’s your refund and a lil extra for your troubles.

    Good piece Laide!

    XXX
    @thePETporjects

  • exschoolnerd

    @ Sisi thanks for reading 🙂

    @PETPROJECTS… hahaha nice one

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