The Ugly Side Chic

Well hey there people, how’s that grind going? Good?

First of all, I just want to remind y’all that voting for the 2011 Naija Blog Awards is on and all that, and that I and some of my favorite bloggers like The ThinkTank, KevinWithAnL, Afrosays, Ms Dania, and The Toolsman were nominated for awards so… if you could take a few minutes to VOTE, that’d be very cool.

Moving on.

I woke up this morning to a post from former heavy weight ashewo and my very good friend, DOJ. His post basically took a geek’s look as to why a dude shouldn’t cheat on his woman, especially with two kobo babes, comparing them to Diamonds and Graphite. I had to smile when I read it, cos I’ve had the post that I’m writing about right now in my head for a few days, and it just felt very odd that our thought patterns are so similar sometimes.

Anyways, so while he went in on why men shouldn’t go for the two kobo babe, I still have the question stuck firmly in my head like pieces of white house meat wedged in my teeth.


No, not why do men cheat. I’ve thought about that a bit a long while ago, and was gonna write on why both men and women cheat, but I was advised not to look for trouble.

No. What I wonder is why when most men cheat on their woman, in terms of simple booty calls or “P”, they do it with a babe that, in DOJ’s words, is like a “Ms Taraba” compared to their girlfriend’s “Oluchi”.

I remember this question entered my head a few years back, when Hugh Grant and Elizabeth Hurley were getting divorced. I heard that he’d cheated on her and at first, I didn’t wanna judge him. I mean, no be small thing. Money, fine boy, etc…
And then I saw the Hollywood prostitute he had been caught with. The first utterance from my mouth was “ANYAMAAA!!!” I mean really? Your wife was Elizabeth Hurley! The beautiful devil from Bedazzled and you went to cheat on her with a woman that looked like all the dazzling in the world wouldn’t save her devilish look? Haba!

But I’m older now, and I’ve seen a general pattern with my brethren.

How? Well, even though I’ve never been unfaithful (Call it my being dull, or proud, or respecting my lady too much, or just God not wanting me to walk that path. It just hasn’t happened and I hope it never will), the babes who gave me the most grief in terms of temptation, were girls that just couldn’t step to my girlfriend at that time. Plus, I do have a lot of friends who have played the field a bit. And with the exception of maybe two, every single one of them whom I know has done some by the side P, usually does it with some random girl who couldn’t hold a candle to their girlfriends’ fire. Take for example, on Friday I was at this bachelor’s pad where I crash sometimes, there’s like six dudes living there, and one of them had this babe he was kpanshing. Now if you look at his girlfriend, who is so very pretty, and look at this girl that he was with ehn, you might have felt like flogging him within an inch of his life.

I couldn’t understand it. I still don’t. So, I asked for the opinions of a few guys that I felt are very different individuals so I’d get different opinions. Here’s what they had to say.


I’d have to say it’s sex and ‘fitness for purpose’. A man wants sex and not much else. She doesn’t need to be smart or pretty or witty. If she has the equipment and is willing to play her role, she is then ‘fit for purpose’. If I wanted a wife I’d be more discerning than I would if I needed an itch scratched with no drama on the regular.


Some men  cheat because the other girl gives them something in bed they don’t get from the main girl. I know someone who was cheatin with a butt ugly chic because his fine girlfriend would not give head. Usually when the side chic is not as fine, either her sex game’s wicked, or her cooking’s amazeballs or she treats him like the center of her world. What man doesn’t like his ego massaged?


I think it’s debatable to say the side chic is almost always not as hot as the wife/girlfriend. I have dated/set P with chicks that could stand close to my wife in comparison but at the same time, I have set P with others that couldn’t even be in the same room and I think in these cases, what comes to mind is that sex at that point is not about physical looks but appeal. The possibility of thinking of banging a chick and making it happen can be overwhelming, hence one tends to overlook other things that one would typically pay attention to when considering a more long term relationship…


The 80-20 rule. There’s nothing like a 100. It’s a myth created by men who haven’t had sex in ages & are trying really hard to get one lady in the sack. A man would usually go for a woman with 80% of what he desires in a woman. The one with the 20%, he will try to keep around to fulfill his selfish desires. Usually these 20’s aren’t that sexually-attractive when compared to the 80’s but there’s always something that the 20’s have and the 80’s don’t have. The will to submit. A 20 knows she doesn’t have us but is willing to stick around because of her willingness to submit to our needs. An 80, on the other, feels too comfortable so she would let some things slide since after she has us. At the end, we, men, would stray away & get that 20. And cheating is born. “Never stone a stray dog without asking where the master is”


I suppose because it’s easier to go for a 6 than an 8. It depends on what the girlfriend is not providing for them. If it’s just sex, then they find someone willing to provide it. She doesn’t have to be a beauty queen. In fact, having a side chick that’s not as beautiful as the girlfriend makes it easy to break away when the time comes/when the girlfriend resumes her duties. If the side chick was prettier than the girlfriend, then she would be a replacement for the girlfriend, not a back-up player. So guys that cheat as a means of getting a new girlfriend, usually go for someone prettier. Guys that just want extra action, go for lower. 

Okay. So I think I understand.

  1. Sometimes it’s just about the sex.
  2. Sometimes it’s just much less stress.
  3. Sometimes, the ugly chic may be giving the guy stuff that he’s not going to get from the main chic.
Alright. Now even though I understand all that, I still think there’s something odd about it. I mean, I’m a proud dude. Every dude usually wants to be able to go out with his woman and know that every guy is wondering how he landed a girlfriend that hot (at least I think so). So why shouldn’t the same thing apply to the side kpansh?
I hoped y’all would be able to give me a few more opinions and all so, ladies, fellas, let’s talk.
Shouldn’t a side chic be, at the very least, nearly as hot as the main chic?

About The Capoeira Panda

Panda makes his home in the world of words and metaphors. In the hopes to be more than just a confused blogger, he currently works as the editor for an ecommerce company that was good enough to hire him, and lives with his flat mates & two imaginary dogs who get along just fine. He enjoys reading good books, writing, relaxing with his friends, & poking fun at his mother over the phone. When he's not doing any of these, he sometimes sits back and wonders why anyone expects to learn anything useful about him by reading this bio. View all posts by The Capoeira Panda

26 responses to “The Ugly Side Chic

  • dehinsilu

    The side chic isn’t always ugly tho. I’ve cheated a few times (not proud of it)&sometimes, the side chic is a way to prove to yourself you can do better than what u have; or even to prove that you still “got it”. In cases like this, the side chic is often hotter than the main babe.

  • ibetapassmynebo

    ok…this is funny…we are all going round in circles…all I see is trivial many..vital few…pareto things….pssssh

    I can say is HI to the AN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ¯\..(•͡.̮ •͡ )../¯™

  • incrediblyMee

    Not all side chics are uglier than the main chic. In my own observation, many side chics are finer dan the main chic but not as classy, intelligent or focused. The side chic is usually one vain gal with a craze for sex, latest BBs and brazilian hair yl the main chic is a serious working class or quite educated babe who is no much fun in d sack. Men would always find a reasn to cheat. If d babe is fine, cool. If not, d itch is sha scratched.

  • kk

    My side chick isn’t what you call ‘oluchi’ but she is the ms taraba type, tall and hot. She heads and receives, she loves the ice cream experience and the honey balance but my gf doesn’t do nada..I wonder why am with her. *time to end it*

  • chinnydiva

    the long and short of it is that a really good looking girl wouldn’t sell herself short. why be one person’s side chic when you can be another’s main chic?

  • Immortal TeddyBear

    Pervnerd hit a vital point..nice one

    Ibetapassmynebo we aren’t condoning cheating,merely stating why d side chic mite nt meet up 😀

  • @datguytomi

    Nice dats all I cn say, tho m torn in between…as a man in human flesh, u wld always want a side chic and also wana stay faithful…and as u said, its only d help of God dat cn make a man faithful

  • amosquito

    This is just bunch of hog wash opinions, all these justification of male cheating are social implications due to the suppression of our primal function. The choice of ‘P’ is all really left to the individual psychological preference. To be honest I believe that all women are beautiful and are God’s greatest masterpiece. That being said the reason why men cheat is as clear as the reason why humans are the dominant creatures in the world. We mate procreate to dominant the world in which we all relate and to leave something in the world to be remembered by, seriously homeboy na like dat you jus wan die. In a nutshell, guyz cheat because its their natural biological need for existence its a numbers game people; the more tickets you buy the better your chances of winning. Let honest people ugly chicks don’t exist just chicks that aren’t your type. How are you to know your type? Like any good shopper you sample the goods and if they are of the right quality purchase. SHIKENA!

    • The Capoeira Panda

      Amos, I think you dropped the ball. The question I’m asking and the opinions up in the post aren’t saying “why do men cheat?” No. That’s something that’s been talked about quite enough. The question my friend, is why do guys cheat with girls that aren’t nearly as hot as their wives/girlfriends?

  • incrediblyMee

    amosquito is high!

  • ollylicious

    In marriage I have noticed men cheat with women who are a lot less than their wives but dating I have to say this is a 1st..most side chicks I know of sef r usually finer than d gf and it makes me wonder “y r u d side?” Most guys have said d side is not d “wifey” type..started makin me associate bein a main gf with being boring and homely n d side is d 1 dey go to 4d adventure…so many different men and so many different ways they do their thing

  • ibetapassmynebo

    @immortalteddy ….like I said b4 all am saying is HI to the AN!!!!!!!!!

    Why re u mad tho?

  • Mak_Tavish

    Y’all r forgetting that some of these ‘side chicks’ are the hot classy wife materials too.. (one mans champagne can b another mans pure water) *shrugs* but like incrediblymee said, there’s an ‘itch’ that needs to b scratched n when we cast our ‘nets’ we go with whatever it reels in.. (some of us at least)

  • Orikanfilameji

    Professor Amos has spoken. I wonder why Panda didn’t put him on in the first place…

  • saucyartcritique

    The possibility of thinking of banging a chick and making it happen can be overwhelming……that’s all, but moral is moral hommie!

  • radiokiller

    I’ve neva had a main chic….dey ‘ve all been side chicks! 😦 …….I shud be sent to guatanamo bay!!!!

  • highlandblue

    Chai! ThinkTank, must there be a side chick? I haff weak. Anyways, for a scientific angle to this, it has been proved that the vaginal smells of a woman in her fertile period make men less selective with regard to physical appearance. Hence the morning after, “What was thinking last night?!!”

  • Frankie!!

    @Olatoxic Lol.. True @Radiokiller No Well, I knw dat dere are butiful main chicks dat r freaky in d mornin nd in d evenin, nd dere men still hv side chicks dat arnt up2 par… Like @Olu said, sme guys do it to prove sumtin nd like @TinkTank said, it mkes it easy2brk away.. My opinion is, u eida cheat or u don’t…main chick or odawise.. Derez rily no point to it, if ur gf aint gettn it ryt, dump her 4 d 1 dat is…

  • SlevinCalevra

    Nobody’s ugly after 2 a.m. 2 a.m isn’t necessarily a time of the day…

  • afrosays

    I comment according to Malcolm X, who lived in a brothel for some part of his life.

    Men want to feel like men. The side chic would make them feel more like so than the one at home. Even if he lasts only one minute, he’s still got the magic.

    He doesn’t get that commitment to serving his ego from the stable other.

  • suwaYne

    To this topic, there is no ‘why’.

  • MrWickedWild

    In response to amosquito… There are definitely ugly people, why? Quite simply because the level of an individuals’ beauty can be quantified and measured, therefore the less attractive an individual is the uglier they are same way as the more attractive an individual is the more beautiful they are said to be. There are ugly women just as there are ugly men, I fully understand the concept of types and beauty being in the eyes of the beholder but that does not dismiss the concept of UGLY (a word that exists to quantify how an individual n perceived/appears) one man’s meat is another man’s poison quite alright but you must also admit that there are certain kinds of meat that are hard to chew and are only eaten either out of desperation or lack of choices/options. The attraction felt towards these individuals is not based on physical appearance but either character or body shape or some other fetish need that has to be satisfied. But based on beauty/physical attraction they are in fact ugly.

    That being said, Why do men cheat/Why do people cheat? Men have always cheated and will continue to cheat as long as there is human life existing on this planet of ours. But cheating is not an affliction restricted to us male folk alone, the women folk have begun cheating more and more as their exposure increases and why is this. Because we are a greedy race not satisfied or contented with what we have, but plagued with a constant need to acquire more and expand. Why settle for less when you can have more is subconsciously engraved in the human psyche.

    Why do men tend to settle for less when cheating?
    Men have different needs at different points in time, we are creatures plagued with conflicting emotions constantly but expected to appear strong and show no signs of weakness as such we need a form of release which more often than not ends up being sexual. A time when you can be your primal self and not worry about the shackles of modern society, when with your main chick this is difficult cause you more often than not want a certain part of you to get seen by her you want that amoral sexual deviant hidden from the one you want to spend the better part of your life because you are not sure she accept all of you but your side chick you have no plans of impressing as such you have less to lose by letting out your sexual demons. Only a few a able to be who they want to be no matter who they are with. This also explains why men will go to a whore and pay for sex even though they can get better fresher babes for free.

    Men sometimes just need to fuck irrespective of how she looks, dude you will paper bag that ugly face if she’s got a rocking body and you need that itch scratched, sometimes she’s that much a freak you can’t help but get in the sack with her, and sometimes a graving for something unrest and unrefined comes over you for no apparent reason. All in all its the biological need to satisfy sexual hunger and maybe prove you are the alpha male in the pack that makes men jump around indiscriminately at times.

    Me personally I have had side chicks that would rival even Aphrodite, but then again I have had side chicks that I won’t be caught dead in public with. Men cheat because its near impossible sticking to one hole for the rest of their lives, it don’t mean they love their woman any less just that he might have gotten sexually bored with her and needs some variety or he’ll go nuts. It takes a special kind of man and the grace of God Almighty to go through life without having more than a single sexual partner.

    For those of you that have claimed to have never cheated, I ask if you have had only one sexual partner in your lives.
    Your lack of cheating at present is no proof of innocence but rather your lack of opportunity, you have thought of cheating and are still thinking of cheating and will most likely still cheat before your time on earth runs out.

  • donsege

    Oboy see blog inside blog!

    Oh well, I’m wit d pervnerd’s 80:20 on dis 1.

    My gf’s ALWAYS a Good virgin gal who cooks n cleans, prays etc; My good side (3 so far)
    My sidewinder’s ALWAYS club ready, bed ready, never cooks, spoiled etc; My evil twin (countin dem is jamb-ish)

    Gettin d perfect gal is like tryn 2 eat ur cake n have it

  • annette

    That comment was too freaking long; though he made some vital points I completely agree with

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