Goodbye.

Hey people…

So I’ve been… unable to write for a few weeks. Been through some stuff, still working my way through it, but I decided that no matter what, nothing will take my writing. No matter how bad. So I’m working on it. I decided to start with something I said I would write 3 months ago, but never got around to it. It’s a response to a post by the ever lovely CeceNoStockings. I read it, and something about it just made me want to put myself in the guy’s shoes. Obviously, you don’t know what I’m talking about. The post was called Say Hello To Goodbye. Here’s my response.

 

Goodbye.

I knew it couldn’t be the same. Even when I hugged her like she was the most important thing I had on earth.

I’d ruined it. I wish… I just knew I had ruined it all.

 

I guess I didn’t think it through. I should have tried harder.

I mean, I know she tried her best.

The love, the patience, the devotion… it was her best.

Her best should have been enough.

It was, for a time.

 

But then, I was swept away in the torrent of emotions that she brought into my heart.

I tried to fight it. I tried to hold on to that precious globe she had placed in my hands.

I knew all the reasons why I shouldn’t let go.

But I was… caught up.

I couldn’t hold on. I wasn’t strong enough.

I broke it. A million pieces of her heart, littered at my feet. I couldn’t pick up the pieces.

 

I look at my phone in my hand.

This little object that had been my tool of devastation

“… There’s someone else.”

Those words lie buried in my sent messages.

A part of me wishes I could undo it. Take back this damage, turn back time so I wouldn’t have to see those tears.

You shouldn’t be here. She knew it. I knew it.

But I called, and she came. Because… she still loved me. And I still lusted for her. And… no. She still lusted for me.

Ninety minutes after, I sit at my desk… her hands shake as she puts her clothes back on.

And down her eyes they fall.

Tears.

They tell a story of what I’ve put her through.

Her knight in shining armor, and I turned out to be the evil dragon that burnt away her hope.

Those tears speak of pain. Each drop hits the floor with an accusing thud. Deafening my senses and placing weights of guilt that my soul cannot take.

 

I’m sorry!

I love you!

I turn my back and pretend to work; before those sentences can be let loose by my tongue.

I know this is what she wants to hear, but one of them would only be humiliating, the other would be untrue.

Never was I one to make empty promises, or give false hopes. I never promised I wouldn’t hurt her, and it pains me to see that I didn’t try hard enough not to.

So now, I place the choice before her.

This is what I am.

Love me, or leave me.

But know that we are not alone.

 

Her. Me. Her.

She gets dressed, she takes a step towards me and then stops. I’m racked with hope, maybe it could be.

But I’m racked with despair, for I am a weakling in the end.

I don’t even look up as the door shuts, and her footsteps down the hall sound out hollow in my empty soul.

I pick up my tool of devastation again.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be more”.

“Goodbye”.

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About The Capoeira Panda

Panda makes his home in the world of words and metaphors. In the hopes to be more than just a confused blogger, he currently works as the editor for an ecommerce company that was good enough to hire him, and lives with his flat mates & two imaginary dogs who get along just fine. He enjoys reading good books, writing, relaxing with his friends, & poking fun at his mother over the phone. When he's not doing any of these, he sometimes sits back and wonders why anyone expects to learn anything useful about him by reading this bio. View all posts by The Capoeira Panda

39 responses to “Goodbye.

  • nerdy

    *clapping*
    This is just beautiful Panda.
    Glad to have you back.

  • ibetapassmynebo

    Awww.. 😦

  • Ore

    I’m short of words…beautifully written *clapping*

  • @Qurr

    You write with a new style, Panda. I like!! The story plods along slowly but not too slow to enjoy it. *Doffs hat* Good job!

  • marie

    Love this. Beautiful response 2 cece’s. *sigh*

  • Lagos Hunter (@Lagoshunter)

    I don’t know what folks are praising this post for.

    Technically, this can’t actually be a response to CeceNoStockings’ post.

    Most of the original post were in her head,her private thoughts.
    You can’t respond to what you are not aware of.

    Your response shouldn’t have mirrored her post line by line.
    You should have written like you could only second guess her thoughts thus,not knowing them exactly.

    Her last line and your last 3 lines are an example of the ‘perfect sync’ I missed in a lot of other places.

    • @Qurr

      Hmmm. Actually I don’t know Cece’s post. I read this post on its own strength…

    • The Capoeira Panda

      Hmmm…
      Criticism is always good. Even though yours comes with a pinch of salt Hunter.
      I see your point though. I don’t think I actually took the time to think through the technicalities of what a “response” should be.
      I guess you could say this was more of a… I don’t know… a prequel to her’s?

  • feyiphillips

    Wow, really beautiful and touching.

  • Simi

    I love this; beautiful!

  • enniesams

    I almost shed a tear x_x ….loved it!

  • The Capoeira Panda

    Thanks for the compliments peoples. I really appreciate. And for the criticism by The Hunter.
    I guess both he and Qurr have a point. Reading it on its own, it looks good. But it’s meant to be read alongside Cece’s post.

    I’ll get better.

  • dbrizio

    Well written…..don’t know abt d other post, but if the only critique was thay it wasn’t a befitting response, oh well. Admire d writing style, felt like I was reading a poem.

  • terdoh

    This post on its own is beautiful, and I enjoyed it. Maybe I’ll understand the criticism when I re-read Cece’s post.

    But to me, this post held its own.

    Good work Panda.

  • Mz_Shadee

    Nice, I like. *sigh* d story is strangely familiar….sorta *sigh* but I do like it tho 🙂

  • krimmedic

    I like this.Familiar scenerio for me..just reversed,so the post sorta made me sad.

    I haven’t read Cece’s post,so I dont quite understand LagosHunter’s critique. However,I think it wasn’t done rightly. Its my prerogative to ‘like/love’ a post. To each his own.

    So I’m criticising another’s criticism…some inception ish. 😀

    • krimmedic

      *sigh* ScenErio tho? Forgive me peoples!

      Just read Cece’s. It is a lovely piece and I think this makes all sorts of sense with hers.
      It was in her mind,yes…but he could see the sadness,the tears…and he devoloved his story from that. Good!

      But hey,what do I know?? I’m just a lowly commentator. 😦

      • krimmedic

        *developed* Ah ah!,’devoloved’ just might be a new word…as in marraige between ‘evolved’ and ‘developed’. This is my cue to shut up and go to bed.

        A reply in a reply in a reply. Tell me I’m not an inception princess?

  • cecenostockings

    I read this over and again. I don’t know if it’s a reply exactly, but I know I adore it!
    It just feels..perfect 🙂
    Nice work, panda (y)
    Should’ve asked you to write for me 😐

  • toolarh

    I read both posts and i’ll say its d perfect response! Panda here simply gives us a very clear detailing of what d guy in cece’s story was most likely thinking. I think panda simply completes cece’s story… From his own point of view… And he rly did a nice job! This looks like a movie scene and a full blown story can actually be developed from it. Kudos!

  • keLvin

    Response or Heartfelt expression, its good.

  • iamsamsie

    What’s wrong about this post really ?
    For all I know you may be sitting with someone and living with them and u will never know what’s in their minds.
    A relationship story can always be told from two points-the male and female or both parties involved..
    These two persons are sharing their thoughts..which may not be in synch because they may both want different things from the relationship or approached it with different goals.
    A man and wife can live together for 30years and both still harbours misconceptions about the other.
    This is a typical example of keeping things in your mind,not saying them out and acting them out.
    Everyone has their style..don’t cramp anothers.if there are basic literary mistakes made..those should be corrected.

  • iamsamsie

    What’s wrong about this post really ?
    For all I know you may be sitting with someone and living with them and u will never know what’s in their minds.
    A relationship story can always be told from two points-the male and female or both parties involved..
    These two persons are sharing their thoughts..which may not be in synch because they may both want different things from the relationship or approached it with different goals.
    A man and wife can live together for 30years and both still harbours misconceptions about the other.
    This is a typical example of keeping things in your mind,not saying them and acting them out.
    Everyone has their style..don’t cramp anothers.if there are basic literary mistakes made..those should be corrected.

  • iamsamsie

    Forgive my typos..I’ve either forgotten my singular and plurals or I’m very angry!!!!!!!

  • Akpobome Otobrise

    After goint through both stories, I clearly think for all reasons/purposes this is a clear master piece. Thumbs up Panda

  • mahnyuell

    Whoa! Well I never subscribe and I rarely ever comment but two things hit me as I read this…the simplicity and beauty of the writing, and how much I can relate to it-the regret of not being capable to give more, the almost violent reluctance to even try and at the same time the raw physical attraction. Beautiful #shikena

  • bimbo

    No criticism whatsoeva. Like sumone said, he cld feel her pain and he could guess what she was thinking. He knew! Wow. This love thing ehn! I’ve been down this road b4. On both sides and both stories say it all

  • ThinkTank

    Excellently well written. Touching and heartfelt.

    The intrigues and intricacies of male-female relationships…*sigh*

    Great job.

  • MsDuro

    Welcome back…

  • isetfiretotherain

    na wa for you Yemi. how you gon be loving two girls at the same time? that shit sucks! for all concerned.

    • The Capoeira Panda

      Lol. It’s just writing hun.
      I believe it’s impossible to love two people at once. You either love one, and have strong feelings for the other, or you don’t love either of them. But you can’t love two people at once.

  • FreshPrinz

    Great stuff panda, loved how u merged ur thoughts actions. Moving stuff…

  • 'Dania

    I like. I like a lot.

    It feels a bit different from your usual style Pandie 😀

    Good different.

  • heartstringsandkeynotes

    On its own, its really nice but as a reply, it falls short of my expectation. It was a bit too mirrored and I think it lacks a touch of originality. Looking forward to more posts from you so that I can experience your raw talent. 😀

  • Betty

    Oooh nice

    Did feel like poetry.

    I see what Hunter means about the thoughts/response thing but I absolutely love this. And Cece does too.. 😀

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