Four Seasons (Part Three)

Hey y’all. I’m glad to see y’all have been able to connect with this writer’s stories. It’s kinda become a bit special to me because I actually feel some kinship to her, and I’m glad she was able to put it all on paper.

So here’s the Third Season. This one I relate to the most, and I read it over and over again before putting it up. But well… read sha.

 

Season Three

Season 3: December 29th 2010; the most intriguing of all four seasons. A couple of months back, intriguing wouldn’t have been on my list of choice adjectives to describe this period cos it was one of the saddest moments of my life, almost like someone had died. I lost myself, I lost my faith; in humanity, in men, in friendship, in hope, in trust … in everything. My folks couldn’t quite tell what was wrong with me, but they knew something was up. I pretty much faked everything. I had an out of body experience, a constant stabbing pain in my chest and my sides and even when I didn’t intend to cry, the tears just rolled. I remember how sleeping at night was a Herculean task for me, so I downloaded one of Lauryn Hill’s MTV Unplugged Exclusive albums… and songs like; Just Like Waters, I Find It Hard To Say, I Gotta Find Peace of Mind, etc. which I created a play list for, would play all night with my ear piece in my ears to shut out all the voices and every other thought… I needed to hear the lyrics of the songs, and her voice was soothing. The songs had an element of pain, of surrender to a higher power… I could tell that she was sharing her experience through these songs, which made me connect to her, to the lyrics, to the guitar she was playing. The songs created an ambience of peace during that period.
We met at an unofficial function and I caught him stealing glances at me a couple of times and even when he was dancing with a girl, he’d look my way. Anyways, I’d skip the detail; we got connected but didn’t quite begin d rendezvous until weeks later. He gave me the impression that he too, like me hadn’t had any luck with love, that he’d been taken advantage of and wanted to stay single for a while. We had a great chat relationship and pattern. I made him laugh so much; he was a great chat buddy and great company. We decided to have one those things they call ‘a fling’ (I know it sounds crazy that I’d get involved in something that silly but *shrugs*… Oh well, I judge myself everyday too).  Ok, he was single, so was I… it was safe (or so I thought). Every day was a new experience. We would chat the whole day, he’d wake me up with a ping as early as 4am most times and he’d say, “Hey you”. My reply most often was a BBM smiling smiley or emoticon and a “hi” afterwards. He was like an addiction, my daily fix and I’m not sure if I was the same for him although at that time, if I didn’t ping a whole day, he’d cross examine me for it, asking if I was about to ‘dump’ him. I knew I was playing with fire, I’d never done this before and I was/am too sensitive and paranoid for this kind of game. He too affirmed that his instincts told him to let go, that they were never wrong but he didn’t want to, he couldn’t let go. I looked forward to a new day, my boring days were over, my weekends were fun just chatting with him. We explored every possible communication avenue; BBM, twitter, yahoo messenger, phone calls, etc… it was crazy beautiful and as the days and weeks went by, being the first and last person I talked to each day, falling for him was inevitable. I knew the feeling was mutual. Sometimes, I’d tell him that he was an angel sent by God to show me another side of life, love and friendship…. all the others didn’t matter anymore, my healing was speeding improved. He wasn’t perfect, we had a few fights but we always got through and moved on. I remember a couple of times the question of whether we should call it off arose but we always had reasons to go with the plan. I used to encourage him to hang out with other ladies cos I didn’t want him to think for a second that I was getting attached and was going to flout my own end of the bargain, (maybe it was a mistake, maybe I shouldn’t have.. but I guess I’d never know) but he’d simply say, he wasn’t interested and thought it was time to pass the philanderer title to someone else. I was always excited to see him; it felt like when my mum used to come visit me in boarding school. I was free with this man, we had fun just gisting and making fun for hours, and each time he kissed me I felt a spark in my spine. He knew the right things to do, together, we were like current which was hard to contain. Holding back anything from this man was impossible, he had me, he got me. When we chatted, I could literally feel the emotions, the sexual tension, the connection through each text, each character… We didn’t need to be together physically to initiate that. Suddenly, the story of some girls came up and I assumed it was nothing serious, I mean…, the guy says he’s single and unattached. The great stunner: A couple of days after Christmas, I get a call from him saying that ‘his girlfriend’ just showed up from whatever country she was in and I’m like…………….. When the call ended, I knew we ended and when he sent me a message that night, I couldn’t fall back into old patterns, everything had fallen apart. I had to walk away with the little sanity and pride I had left. There was nothing more to say.

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About The Capoeira Panda

Panda makes his home in the world of words and metaphors. In the hopes to be more than just a confused blogger, he currently works as the editor for an ecommerce company that was good enough to hire him, and lives with his flat mates & two imaginary dogs who get along just fine. He enjoys reading good books, writing, relaxing with his friends, & poking fun at his mother over the phone. When he's not doing any of these, he sometimes sits back and wonders why anyone expects to learn anything useful about him by reading this bio. View all posts by The Capoeira Panda

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