I actually didn’t think I’d be doing this; writing one of those odes to the year gone past and all that stuff. It seems a little cliché, but well I guess it’s only right that I take the time out to look at all that’s happened this year and… I don’t even know what the purpose of this is. I have the feeling that it’s not going to be as cheery as anyone would hope… I’m talking too much again. Lemme talk to 2011.
I strolled through the doorways of your existence with no expectations but that I would become stronger as your days went by. All I wanted to do was what was necessary. Your predecessor had brought forth quite a number of things that were… difficult, to say the least. I just wanted to move on.
But then, nothing ever goes as planned, and you, 2011, showed me the plain truth of this. Right as we stated, you brought her round my way. I was delighted, I was confused. I had found the best thing that’d ever happened to me.
And that was just your way of getting warmed up.
I learnt a lot in the first half of the year. I found my writing in a way I’d never imagined I would, I met people, I learned a lot of lessons, I graduated. Yep, four years of academic toil and struggle came to an end, and I came out on top, I guess. I started trying to fend for myself, and I learned that growing up is in no way as easy or fun as I imagined it would be.
I rediscovered friendship with two people I thought I was completely done with. It’s funny how that happened.
Memories were made on a shanty little bench right opposite a taxi park on a little street next to Ikorodu road. I thought that was the best time you’d ever give me 2011, the best time of my life. And to be honest, the days that followed were indeed some of the best ever. I loved my love honestly, completely, the only way I knew how to. But then it all came to pieces. Love walked in with a jackhammer and broke me to smithereens, and I began the worst time of my life. See what you did there 2011? The best and the absolute worst, all in one period. I wish you could clap for yourself.
I realized that I’m nowhere near as strong as I thought I was. Sleepless nights and unwanted weight loss, unshed tears and poems of pain. Words of sympathy and empathy (the latter only in a few instances)… still, I’m harder on myself than I let off. I gathered the shards of my shattered heart, and I’ve kept them where they cannot be found. Till I can find a way to glue them back together once more. Yeah, I know. It means that it’s still broken. There’s no point in lying to myself. I’ve also learned that I’m not one to back away from the truth; even when it’s difficult, even when it hurts. Even when it means I’m hurting someone I care about. It is what it is.
However, I did find strength in places I thought I had none. I achieved goals that I thought were a dream. I lost more weight than I thought I could in such a short time (whoopee!), I learnt things that I thought were beyond me. I… wow. I realize that you’ve been so… tumultuous, that I can’t really outline what you were like for me. Up and downs you brought aplenty, but I’ve gone through it all. And at the end, right at the end, I had to do something hard, just to prevent greater damage. I didn’t think I had the strength to do it, but it turns out that I don’t have it in me to be a coward.
My friends… my friends were there for me right when I needed them. Remy, Amina, Oye bo, Olukoya, Dolu, Kike, Macaco, Olukemi, Justice, Nanu, Sammy (in your own funny way mama), Nenye… I love you guys more than you understand. And my new… yummy friend, well… it’s me and you in 2012 *winks*.
As much as this seems like you’ve been a year of sadness for me, you haven’t. 2011, you’ve been a funny year. You’ve known the greatest joy and the greatest misery. I’ve brought joy to some and misery to some. I’ve learnt, I’ve grown, I’ve taught, I’ve expected, I’ve been disappointed…
I’ve grown up.
I’ve made my peace with the impossible.
I’m ready for 2012.