Challenging Myself: Day Two

#Day2: How I’ve Changed in the Past Two Years

[Listening to Kendrick Lamar’s “Opposites Attract”]

Two years ago… I’m not pretty sure… lemme think…

Two years ago, I believed in love. Okay, maybe I shouldn’t put it like that, ‘cos I think I still believe in love. In fact ehn, that’s a pretty moist way to start out a post so lemme starts somewhere else.

Two years ago, life was so much easier. Two years ago, my main worry was school. All I had to think about was my final dissertation and who my supervisor was going to be. Two years ago, my life existed within the four walls of university and all it had to offer. I never really thought past that. I thought about making money, but not because I’d go hungry if I didn’t hustle. Two years ago, I could call my father and tell him I needed money for whatever it was I needed money for.

[“Misunderstood” | Common]

Two years ago, I thought I had will power, I thought I was a man… but my “will” had never actually been tested. I had so many delusions about the way life was or could be. I laid out plans for myself… one year into the future, two years, three years, four… hehehe… “When men make plans, God is known to laugh.” – Talib Kweli.I’ve kinda learned that the hard way.

Two years ago, I think I was a bit more patient. I was willing to take time out to talk to people, and listen, and just… I don’t know… be patient I guess. But then I realized, in the last two years, that human beings generally take the chance to waste your damn time if you let them. So yeah, that has changed. Dealing with me, get to the point or get the hell outta my face.

I still had a lot of pent up anger and frustration bottled up where my old man was concerned. I was in a position where I couldn’t understand him, or the things he’d been through that made him who he was. You could say I had “daddy issues”. But now, even though not everything has been resolved, I’ve forgiven him, and I’m willing to move on with life, if we both give things a chance.

[“This Luv” | Donnell Jones]

Two years ago, I wasn’t a writer. I mean, sure I probably had writer’s blood, but I’d never actually tried to really write creatively. I think I wrote my very first short story somewhere near the end of 2010, and I had a lot of shitty poems I’d written (which will never find their way to this blog… ever!), but I’d never actually thought I would have made this much progress, two years down the road. I’m not the best writer out there, not by a mile, but I think I do okay… and I’m still learning so… 😀

Two years ago, I was recovering from heartbreak. Yes, I think I can go there now without seeming overly moist. It was difficult and shit, it hurt a lot, but I got past it and moved on. I thought I would never be able to feel the same way again, but I did (only to have my heart broken again the following year… *shrug*). Now, two years after, I’ve gotten rid of the delusions I had about love. I understand now that love isn’t all that counts and that “falling in love” is kinda always a bad idea. I won’t go into the specifics about my theories on what love is and how it should be approached but… yeah… I’ve changed in that area of my thoughts.

[“Dreaming in Metaphors” | Seal]

I’ve grown up a lot in two years. I’ve learned about honor, and strength, and hard work, and understanding. I’ve come to see what drive and passion can do, and how amazing it is to be doing what you like doing, and get rewarded for it. I’ve learned a lot of things that I would be happy to teach my children, and really proud if they come to understand it and apply it in their lives much earlier than I did.

So yeah… that’s my bit for day two of my blog challenge. I’m gonna faff about for a bit now… maybe read a book, and then try to start writing my new short story. Hopefully, this one doesn’t take 3 months to write. Where’s The Alchemist oh?!?! I need my editor!!! Wole! Holla at me please!!!

-Panda-

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About The Capoeira Panda

Panda makes his home in the world of words and metaphors. In the hopes to be more than just a confused blogger, he currently works as the editor for an ecommerce company that was good enough to hire him, and lives with his flat mates & two imaginary dogs who get along just fine. He enjoys reading good books, writing, relaxing with his friends, & poking fun at his mother over the phone. When he's not doing any of these, he sometimes sits back and wonders why anyone expects to learn anything useful about him by reading this bio. View all posts by The Capoeira Panda

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