Challenging Myself: Day Twenty One


[Tears & Rain | James Blunt]

Where do I start today’s post from?

Day Twenty One: Something I Can’t Seem to Get Over


I’m disappointed.

Yeah… that sounds about right. I’m disappointed in human nature and the inability of people to change, even when reasons that should be catalysts for change stare them right in the face. I’m disappointed in myself for always giving people (who so obviously don’t deserve it) a chance to do right. I’m disappointed in myself for always forgetting that human beings are selfish, and that some are a little more selfish than others; some… obscenely selfish. I’m disappointed in myself because even when I know it’s not my place to change people, I can’t help but see the good that could be if they simply attempted to be different; simply attempted it. But then… they never do. And I’m left here… disappointed.

[We All Try | Frank Ocean]

I love this song. I love it because it’s a song full of faith; in self, in people, in nature… but I hate it because it’s wrong. We don’t “all” try. Some of us don’t even really give a shit. Some people are actually wicked. Some people sin because they want to. They do the wrong they do because they’re self serving and don’t give three flying, four legged f***s how their actions affect the people around them.

I don’t know how to get over it.

I don’t know how to find the place of disillusionment with humanity as a whole that I’d need to move forward. Because that’s what I need, I think. I need to become so jaded about everyone around me, that I stop expecting things from them. I need to come to a place where I look at people and expect them to screw up, expect them to be the shitty ass people they are who will do everything they do simply for their own benefit and attempt to give me the short straw. That way, I’ve prepared myself for what’s coming and made preparations to be off the sidewalk when that out of control truck that contains the painful effects of their constantly stupid decisions comes spinning down the road.

I need to not trust anymore.

Yeah… that’s about it.


About The Capoeira Panda

Panda makes his home in the world of words and metaphors. In the hopes to be more than just a confused blogger, he currently works as the editor for an ecommerce company that was good enough to hire him, and lives with his flat mates & two imaginary dogs who get along just fine. He enjoys reading good books, writing, relaxing with his friends, & poking fun at his mother over the phone. When he's not doing any of these, he sometimes sits back and wonders why anyone expects to learn anything useful about him by reading this bio. View all posts by The Capoeira Panda

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