Of Good Intentions & Failed Tasks

What do you do when your feet are held down by the weight of your own shortcomings, and each step you take is steeped in sadness, your pace slowed by the realization that you’re not half the person you wish you could be.

If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, then name one in my honor. But leave the streetlights without bulbs, so those that walk it see that I’m blind; blind to reality, blind to the things I should see, blind to the man I’m needed to be.

I ask to be taught, but seem to never learn. Maybe I ask for rewards that I seem to never earn. Erring on the side of the needful. Unseeing when it stands in front of me. Claiming to love but not showing what love gives. Desperately wanting to be right but not recognizing what wrong is. Failing the tests because I sat in class but never really paid attention. Getting an F because I failed to prepare. Give me that F because when it came down to it, I wasn’t there. Give me that F because feelings are f**k-all without some fiber of action. Give me that F because fathers aren’t made of flimsy excuses. Give me that F because at the end of the day… I’m just as F’d up as I said I wasn’t.

Fuck this.

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About The Capoeira Panda

Panda makes his home in the world of words and metaphors. In the hopes to be more than just a confused blogger, he currently works as the editor for an ecommerce company that was good enough to hire him, and lives with his flat mates & two imaginary dogs who get along just fine. He enjoys reading good books, writing, relaxing with his friends, & poking fun at his mother over the phone. When he's not doing any of these, he sometimes sits back and wonders why anyone expects to learn anything useful about him by reading this bio. View all posts by The Capoeira Panda

2 responses to “Of Good Intentions & Failed Tasks

  • Son Amant


    Good evening.

    Even from afar, I knew you were a good man.
    Even when I got close, I knew you were a good man.
    Even now, I know you’re a good man.

    “Are you a learner?” Is Olamide kidding? I love my man because he is a learner. He learns everyday. We bicker, we argue but, he stays learning.

    You are a learner. Learners are allowed to make mistakes. Learners are allowed to drive slow. Learners are allowed to pick themselves up and continue going.

    I love you because you are a learner.

  • Sisi Ijebu

    I really wanted to comment on this but I wasn’t sure what to say or rather how to say it, but the comment before me just blew me away so I’ll just repeat what’s already been said;

    “You are a learner, learners are allowed to make mistakes… we love you because you’re a learner”.

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