Category Archives: Discussion

Masturbation: Still A Solo Affair?

Sup good people! Hope y’all had a good week, and have good plans for the weekend. Me? I’m going back to uni tomorrow, so there’s no play for me right now…
Anyways. A few days ago, I was reading different articles online & I came across something really interesting on the Men’s Health website. It was on the “Health and Sexual Benefits of Masturbation.”

Now from childhood, I’m quite sure that most of us were taught that masturbation is wrong and all that stuff. And of course, as we got older, a lot of us decided to try it out. I’m not pointing fingers here o. I’m just being real.
So please, for the purpose of this discussion (This is a discussion o. Comments are needed) , let’s put aside our religious beliefs about the rightness or wrongness (forgive my english) of masturbation. I know Christianity and Islam are against it. But let’s assume they weren’t, and it is simply a case of choice based on comfort zones & discretion.

#np Orgasm Addict – The Buzzcocks 🙂

Okay. So I was reading through the article, a bit in shock that anyone would take out the time to go finding out tenable reasons to beat off and all…but realizing that what the babe was saying actually made a bit of sense. Here’s a little bit of it:
“We are programmed, as best we know, to need orgasms,” says Gloria Brame, Ph.D., a clinical sexologist in Athens, Ga. “It’s a fundamental aspect of men’s health, right up there with brushing your teeth.” And the more you know about what satisfies you solo, the more pleasure you get from sex.”

Interesting…but this, is what caught my attention:

Her Pleasure = Your Pleasure
Having a woman who masturbates is great. You can learn a ton about what makes her feel good and what’s comfortable for her.
Masturbating together and doing each other will see you through thick and thin. It’ll see you into old age. It’s something you can always do.”

Really?? Right….
See, I’ve always been of the opinion that a person (either male or female) who was in a relationship and was still beating off, was either not getting any in that relationship, or was dissatisfied with the sex he/she was getting. Meaning that it’s not something you’d be doing if you weren’t single. Most people I know would not be happy to know that their girl or their guy was engaging in a bit of self love. Maybe cos they’d want to be the one responsible for their significant other’s orgasms. So reading this kinda came as a shock to me. But well, maybe I’m just ignorant.

So, if y’all don’t mind, let’s talk.
Would you wanna know if your partner was masturbating, even though the two of you still had sex regularly?? And if he/she was, would you have issues with it? Or would you encourage it?

>The Freak Within


It’s been a while abi? I’m sure you’ve been wondering where I’ve been. Well, I was in the middle of exams….trying to make sure Daddy Panda’s hard earned money wasn’t going down the toilet. But it was good. God took care of me, now awaiting the results. For those people that called, texted, tweeted, or whatever, wishing me the best in my exams, and praying for me & stuff, thanks. I appreciate. If you didn’t, well…I hope your dog dies. K

Where else have I been? Well, since Thursday night, I’ve been right where Globacom Nigeria wanted me to be; Bent over, right in front of them, with my pants around my ankles.

Two bloody days!!! That’s all I have to say.

Anyways… a few days ago, I was reading a post on called “The Good Girl vs. Bad Girl Conundrum”, and it was about, how guys, although they want one, cannot handle having a freak in the sheets as their girlfriend. Supposedly, we’ve been raised to respect women, and the level of sexual deviance necessary for “Freakiness” is just not something that a guy can handle, and still respect his girlfriend. So usually, he’ll either suffer like that (assuming he wants a freak) or go out and find a freak to satisfy his dark, inner desires.


On Thursday, surprisingly, this was the same topic of discussion on Twitter’s #Tweminar, (arranged by @Gigachic I think) . Would a guy rather have a good girl, or a freak? Guys say they want freaks, but they can’t respect them…blah blah bollocks.

From a maverick’s perspective, this is all just bullshit.

First of all, some operational definitions:

Freak: A babe who knows how to work it in bed. Has a very good sexual appetite, & knows how to break a guy off properly.

Good Girl: A girl who is supposedly “innocent” in the ways of sexual activities. She has no experience, and will probably be an “ok” sexual partner.

Now, let’s get to it.

Every guy, at least every sensible guy I know, would love to be able to have amazing sex with their girlfriends. The kinda sex that leaves you partially deaf in one ear for like 30mins. The kinda sex that makes a brother get outta bed and go cook a meal for her right after. How do you do that without a freak?

I fail to understand why people would think that a guy can’t handle the “Lady in the street but freak in the sheets” girlfriend. Okay, I do though. Women are so tied up in what they think the Nigerian Man is that they forget that we’ve evolved over the last decade or so. So, they feel this odd need to pretend, to be something they’re not, just so the dude will respect and stay with them.

Here’s the truth. Every guy wants to be able to have the kind of sex I described above, with his girlfriend. If he can’t get good sex, he’s going to be sexually frustrated. Even more so, if he has actually had sex on that level, with someone else, at some point in his life, before this girlfriend showed up. Now, a sexually frustrated man will most likely resort to:

    1. Infidelity


  • Masturbation
  • Just being plain old miserable for the length of the relationship.



Let’s be honest. None of these are desirable alternatives. No woman wants a cheating man, and a lot of women feel insulted if her man would rather beat off than sleep with her.

Now, on Thursday, while Tweminar was going on, everyone kept saying how the man would cheat if he couldn’t get a freak in the sheets…”the woman nko?” was what I asked.

If the woman is a closet freak, who’s been pretending to be a good girl so that her man won’t feel insecure and get disrespectful, gets frustrated cos this dude is just doing the same old missionary, when she wants him to spread her across three continents, pull her hair and drive her home like a pack of wild horses (pardon meJ)…well, we’re gonna have the same effects as listed above with the sexually frustrated dude. So at the end of the day, with the pretense and “good girl”ism, everyone gets screwed (just, not the way they’d want to be screwed)

It’s all about honesty.

First of all, ladies. I know a good man is hard to find and all, but really. Making yourself unhappy just so some dead guy can take you serious is not the way forward. If he can’t accept you for who you are that really is his luck. You wanna let out the freak within, please, don’t dull yourself, or there’ll be nobody to blame but….you.

Fellaz, I think it’s time we stop thinking in stereotypes. “Freak” and “Ho” are two completely different words. Just because she’s freaky, doesn’t mean you can’t respect her. She is not a ho. And if you say that’s what you want, then don’t mess about when you get it. And, if you get a girl who actually is a good girl (no pretense here), then you have two options. Rather than start cheating, or endure a hopeless relationship, you can either; 1. Leave her be, and let someone who will appreciate her for who she is, come into her life. Or… 2. You can teach her.

Personally, I prefer the second option. In my opinion, everyone has a freak within. They just haven’t been introduced yet. So, rather than going out to get the freak as your side chic, teach your girl that it’s okay to be freaky. And all those things you want her to do? Teach her. Slowly, bit by bit. Let her use initiative sometimes. An added bonus that comes with teaching, she does things exactly the way you want her to do them. It’ll take time, but sooner than later, you’ll have the woman you want.

A word of advice though; is be careful what you wish for. Know the kind of girl that you’re making into a freak. Don’t go complaining if you create an uncontrollable sex monster o. it’s just one of the hazards you have to deal with. And if you want a freaky girlfriend, be ready to deal with what you asked for.

Ladies, not every guy that says they can handle the “Lady in the street – Freak in the sheets” woman, actually can. Look very well at the kinda guy first…test him with little things…you know how you women do. Just sha know what’s up.

That’s all I have to say for now…I’ve got other stuff I wanna write…some poetry & stuff, but that may come later. If you wanna read the “The Good Girl vs. Bad Girl Conundrum”, check out ok?

Have a good week.

The Naija Blonde.


I’m really confused. What is it with girls, who think that their pretty faces give them an excuse to be all daft???

These days, the term for a lot of girls (I’d call them women, but that’d be an insult to real women so…) in Lagos is “Naija Blonde”. Cos mehn, the level of stupidity among them is frightening! And speaking about being blonde, has anyone noticed how many “girls” these days, refer to themselves as “Black Barbie”???

I’m a bit confused here. Is it that most of these girls don’t realize that one of the biggest qualities that Barbie had/has been the fact that the light bulb on her mental porch wasn’t particularly bright??? She always had to run to “Ken” for help (who in my opinion was just as dimwitted for being in a relationship with such an expired carton of unintelligence). Why in the name of everything holy would anyone want to be the “black version” of that??? I don’t get it!!!

Case: So this very pretty girl walks into the library – It’s that section of the library where people can bring in their laptops, so they can browse and get their work done – So, I’m looking like, hmmm…who’s this pretty young thing??? Thankfully, I’m looking real fly in this lilac shirt and purple paisley tie, so I look her straight in the eye & say hi with a smile on (anyone notice the rhymes?? J)

First of all, the olodo of a child barely even says hi back. That one irritated me right away! I mean me!!! Na wa o…wharris going on in this life??? Anyways, so she brings her laptop in, and – after doing me anyhow – she asks if I can help her sort out her connection. This is the conversation that follows:

Dumb Girl: Hey, em, please could you help me? I wanna connect my lappy.

Panda: O. No wahala. That dude over there is sharing a wifi connection.

DumbGirl: (With a confused look on her face) A what?

Panda: A wifi connection.

DumbGirl: (Looks even more confused) ehn??

Panda: (An exasperated look on my face) a wireless connection.

DumbGirl: O. So how do I get it?

*I point at the laptop that’s connected to the LAN port*

DumbGirl: But there’s no-one there!

Panda: I mean… (Another exasperated look shows up) I mean the connection is being shared off that pc. Oya turn on your wifi.

DumbGirl: My what??

*my head is starting to hurt*

Panda: The wireless on your laptop dear.

DumbGirl: Oh. (With a look that says the light bulb on her mental porch has finally reached half current) alright then.

//two minutes elapse as she attempts to turn on her pc & put on her wifi.//

DumbGirl: Ok it’s on. What should I do now?

*I’m trying my best to not tell her to carry the laptop and use it as a tray in her house, since she obviously lacks the requisite intelligence to use it properly.*

Panda: Search for a network. It’s called ******

//Two minutes later//

DumbGirl: I can’t find it o!

Panda: Is your wifi on??

DumbGirl: Yes it is.

*O for fuck sake!!! I get up*

Panda: Oya bring it.

Now, would you believe that this idiot hadn’t turned on her wifi?!?!?!

Panda: But your wifi isn’t on!

DumbGirl: O……sorry….thank you sha.


At this point in time, all possible attraction that may have existed on a mental level (which in some instances is more important than the physical) has been blasted with a disintegration ray gun. And she’s beginning to look less pretty. I mean, it’s hard to find someone attractive when you keep seeing donkey ears on their head…

I just can’t.

@imMiSsChYliB (an intelligent female friend of mine) told me that some women think that behaving dumb will make guys a bit more attracted to them. Like, a guy is gonna pick a chic that looks like Rosario Dawson but with the brain of a 2 year old kid with Down’s Syndrome, over a simple, somewhat attractive but not jaw dropping woman, who is intelligent and has her wits about her.

Really?? Is that what these girls are being taught in that “secret school” which we men have no idea exists??? If that’s what they teach, then mothers better go and collect their money back o! They are being scammed!!!

There is not one guy alive, who would do such an intensely brainless thing. The only way that would happen, was if all he was interested in was a quick shag or two. And if possible, no cuddling afterwards.

A dumb girl that’s always in need of help spells only one thing: L.I.A.B.I.L.I.T.Y (spell it with me people). And the last time I checked, we fellas don’t want those, we want assets (& by this I don’t just mean big behinds, even though that may be a plus)

So let me clarify. We do not like dumb women. Being stupid will only attract niggas that’ll shag you & then leave. Every real man (and I say “real” cos there’s a lot of fake fools out there) wants a woman with a good head on her shoulders; who will be able to handle herself when there’s some kinda trouble. We wanna be your shoulder to lean on, not to be carrying the full weight that comes with a wooden head!

So please, ladies, be pretty. But in all your getting pretty, please get smart as well. Remember that you attract to yourself, people that are a reflection of the kind of person that you are. So, if the only dudes that wanna date you are dumb niggas………