Category Archives: Guest Writer

When Never Reverses

There’s something that just gets me about the streaks of sweat on her back.

It reminds me of a chilled bottle of Coke on a table, on a hot sunny afternoon. Imagine this: the bottle is fresh from the refrigerator so there are still tendrils of mist around it. In moments, the sweltering heat makes the very chilled bottle of coke start to sweat. The first drop of cold perspiration slides over the curves of the glass and down to the table.

If the heat doesn’t make you parched, staring at the bottle surely has, by now. There is more sweat all over the coke now, ripe all over it like mango trees in November. As you stare at it, you shift uneasily and your leg hits the table so that you upset the balance of the drops. The cold sweat already craving to fall, slides slowly down to make bigger drops, and then these drops slide down to a puddle around the coke bottle. The table is wet.

And so was she.

I think it’s because I had my hand balled into a gentle fist in her hair. I hadn’t done that to her before, which is a surprise with how adventurous we are. I’m glad she kept her hair virgin, or I’d have been telling another story. Her moans were becoming even, so I pounded her hard at an angle. The drops of sweat on her body were jolted, but because she was bent over, only the drops at her sides, slid down to the bed.


No puddle. Ok I lied, there was a big wet spot at the center of the bed. She raised her head, with her mouth open like “Ah!” but without the sound. No, she didn’t call out my name. I actually find it very pretentious, especially as we’re not in a cheap porno. The soundless “Ah!” Is better. It’s easier, more convenient and believable.

This time, it’s her sweat moustache that’s jolted as she tries to comb her hair in front of the mirror. I look on intently. I don’t know what’s sexier, watching a woman take off her clothes or watching her put them back on. There’s something about the way those panties slide reluctantly over her thighs till they come to rest at home on her bum; or the magician act of clipping the bra hooks and then adjusting her breasts to fill the cups (depending on how amply bosomed she is). Watching the jeans come on can be a bit amusing. But some women, like Bisola, are a bit touchy about it.

I want more

It’s a short distance to her. The nape of her neck is exposed, the epitome of Japanese sensuality. I build up, kisses become nibbles on the path from her left shoulder to the top of her spine. I start to trail little bites to my goal – just where the hair starts “Goddd, Tolu, you’re insatiable!”

“I don’t get enough of you joo”

“Shut up there! Fucking slut. That’s what you tell all those girls abi? I’m supposed to be your friend, you shouldn’t pull those cards on me. Shame on you” Slips on her jacket with a huff and turns around to face me.

“What cards? I really do want you…” and then I add reluctantly, “…to be mine”

“Tolu…” She says with a hand on my chest, pushing me back a bit.  I hold her hand, trying to find her eyes, but she is looking away. She turns back to the mirror and reaches for her lip gloss from her open little make up bag.

“I’m serious… I want more than all this… sneaking around-”

She cuts in as she piles on one layer of lip gloss. “Surely, you’re well versed at sneaking around, ehn?”

“Mehn, fuck that. If my friend judges me based on my past then what is to become of me?”

“Oh please, you have a history a mile long, that’s a bit hard to forget”

“That’s not the issue here. I’ve wanted to make this real for-”

She cuts in with a smile, “Tat mah fucking name on you boy so I know it’s-”

“Shut the hell up and let me talk jare…” I hold her hips, and she stops to look at me. It could be something about the way my hands mould her flesh through her jeans. But she knows I’m serious.

“See, you’ve told me to chill, and wait till you figure things out. I did. I was a good friend. I won’t bring up the number of times I cradled you to sleep or how many times you passed out on my couch from trying to drink the pain away. Or when I nursed you back to health when HE whooped your ass. If that doesn’t say something, then I don’t know what will.”

She says nothing. The silence is palpable. She can’t match the look in my eyes, she looks at the flint on her ballerina shoes. Finally, she reaches for her bracelet that is spread out on the dresser. It’s the final piece, and then I know she’ll be gone. The ritual dance of the awkward goodbyes will commence soon.

With her bracelet on, it seems her dressing up is complete, then she withdraws the true final piece in her ensemble.

Her engagement ring.

She slips it on with a finality. With that singular action, I know she has made her decision.

“Are you coming for the wedding?” She says as she reaches for her bag.

“I have no choice, he’s my brother and I’m his best man” I said, like she had somehow forgotten. What did she care about my welfare right? I shrug as I reach for the pack of Benson and Hedges and pad out to the balcony. She knows her way out.


I’m Jiibola L. Read my tapestry of thoughts HERE

Okay people, so last weekend, and into the beginning of the week, I talked about people catching feelings when P goes wrong. Started out with a man’s perspective when the woman wants more than he can give (read about that here), and then Moyin helped me out with a woman’s perspective when she’s been kept on tenterhooks (read that here). Today, Jibola was kind enough to put out this piece on what happens when the dude catches feelings he’s not supposed to. The end was just such a shocker, I had to put this up for y’all.

So, what y’all think bout this situation? Leave your comments in the discussion box below. 🙂

P.S. I’m off to NYSC camp in Niger. Fear not, I’ll be back in three weeks. Y’all that love me, pray for me. I need a lot of things to work out. But I won’t leave completely. Posts from Remy’s Fourth Day will still be coming up, & Moyin will be putting some of her stuff up from time to time. I hope the silence that comes with no internet and other forms of entertainment will help me write. I’m carrying notebooks and stuff to keep a journal and for creative writing. My birthday’s on the 28th, so if y’all like, don’t find ways to call me.

Peace, love, and Ijebu Garri.

Fourth Day: Chapter Three (VI)

Sorry it’s late y’all. Here is Section VI. If you’re not up to date with Remy’s Fourth Day, catch up by clicking HERE.




Amina knew it would only be a matter of time before Halima’s cohorts would join in the fray, Nedeseh’s presence reminded her that she was not be alone. She reminded Nedeseh that there is so much to learn while you’re not to be reckoned with.
There was a subtle shift of the earth, Halima felt it and look of disbelief was on every face as a crouching child-like creature was attempting to straighten up where the scorpion had been.
The shift became a heavy shudder as rock formations deep beneath the sands joined with it.
Halima’s next words had horror and fascination in them.
It… it is growing!”
The creature literally started to mature before their eyes. It was still in a half-crouch as more rock joined to its mass. There were fractals appearing on its surface, as little wrinkles would on human skin. It’s eyes were opal black and intelligent. It knew what it was and what it was becoming. Everyone else didn’t, except when it had crossed over to becoming less child-like, and more man. Nedeseh saw his father’s face on it. He saw his son. The one who bore the power of earth. The Earth-giant he had seen less than a day before looked like the crude clay-toy of a child.
“This…this is not meant to be.” he said to himself as the creature finally stood up straight as an adult man.
Suddenly the air became very humid. Halima felt oasis after oasis suddenly dry up. Where the rock broke through the sands to join the first creature, water suddenly streamed out with purpose until it gushed out from everywhere and met together between the earth and sky. Another child-like creature was being formed by the water. It started in the fetal position and started to mature as it straightened up and by the time its feet touched the earth it was a full-figured woman.
Amina gasped and said a word that Nedeseh knew meant ‘mother’.
Halima and her court had already started to surrender when huge sand-storms brewed from all around them. Even Amina had to crouch and cover her face. Nedeseh stood out and away from Amina to take her away. She put up her hand to his chest and shook her head.
“This is not a storm. This is your son.”
The storm became a rough approximation of a man. Nedeseh saw his own face this time.
All three knelt down respectfully before their parents. Lightning constantly illuminated the insides of the storm and always ended up as eyes facing the cowering couple.
Amina looked at Halima from a distance and Halima had already been bowing down to her. Amina had already won.
She turned to Nedeseh crying.
“They are not long for this world. I can feel their life-force dwindling in me.”
Their children had neither fear nor worry in their eyes. They already knew. But they were made of something not man…and their perspective on life was that of a child in a womb. They had seen the world outside. They had seen their mother, their other heartbeat, and their connection to this world. They were fulfilled.
Nedeseh knew what he had to do. It was the only thing left for him to do. They were not abominations, but they were not ‘right’ for this world.
He stepped up to the Earth-Child and said, “You have your grandfather’s face.”
He walked up to the Water-child and said, “I know you have your grandmother’s beauty.”
He then braved the Wind-Child and said, “You? You’re the best in me.”
The Emptiness stood next to Nedeseh.
“You don’t have to do this. They will dissipate on their own.”
Nedeseh never took his eyes off his children as he said, “Remember, I made peace with the impossible. I won’t let them suffer.”
A darkness weighed down everything and Nedeseh saw the light of his children’s lives.
As he reached for them, they spoke back to him, “We. Know. You. We. Trust. You. We. Submit…Father.”
Nedeseh hardened himself and as he reached towards their life-light, he suddenly found himself nursing at his mother’s breasts; the gentle smell of milk and the comfort of her warm body. His memories rushed to when he would raise his hands to be carried up by his father. He saw the gentle hands that washed his infant body and looked up to see his aunt and mother chatting gently to him.
“Am I dying?”, he asked himself, but he only managed to coo at them and they cooed back.
The effort he made to sit upright the first time. He felt his abdominal muscles strain and stretch to get his bulky torso up and steady. He felt his flank muscles work at keeping him steady.
The memories came at a steady pace, without pause or skipping a thing. He got to know himself better than he had in the last 6 years.
Soon he caught up with watching his children’s becoming in the desert.
“We. Just. Wanted. To. Know. What. Life. Is. About. Thank. You…Father.”
All 3 suddenly collapsed into a cloud of awareness and power before diminishing into nothing.
Nedeseh was crying. Hard. His sense of loss blind-sided him…like an accident unprepared for.
The Emptiness walked up to him and said,”Power. It has a nature of its own. Consequences follow every act involving power. You were not wise in involving your children’s lives ‘directly’ with ancient forces. Blood or not, they were an abomination. But they did remind me of something, though.”
Nedeseh was breathing hard as he turned to look at the Emptiness.
“Every father is a child. Now, wipe your tears and find the rightful heirs of these powers to give them.”

The darkness began to recede and the Emptiness said to Nedeseh, “You weren’t dying. It was your children attempting to live their natural lives through your eyes. They borrowed from your life to understand theirs. They didn’t fight or resist you. They’ve got good blood. They were not corrupt.”

“Where are they now?” Nedeseh replied in a voice simmering with rage and grief.
“Forgive yourself. They would have been in great pain and confusion and would have destroyed the world irreparably in the process.”
“You can only go to them in your second death. They cannot come to you. They will be fine. They will remember you.”
The Emptiness was almost caught by surprise when Nedeseh literally tore the world around both of them with a great violence, leaving Amina’s newly subjugated kingdom in even greater fear of her.


Fourth Day: Chapter Three (IV & V)

Here’s Sections IV & V of Fourth Day: Chapter Three. I hope y’all like it. I know I do. And of course, keep up with the whole series by clicking here.

Amina returned and challenged the queen of the Sand-sprites.
The Queen had to relinquish her name and could only use it if she was no longer Queen.
Amina walked into the royal chamber and called the Queen by her “common” name.

“Halima! I would speak to you.”
The court fell silent. They knew the Queen seized the throne and kept it by sheer ruthlessness. No one had ever learned how powerful she truly was, but everyone feared how powerful she seemed already.
The Queen looked down from her throne, made of the very sand that they stood on, kept by her power, and shaped by her very character.

“You dare call me by that name? You forget your place here, girl. What power do you bear that gives you the…”

“The seed of a King in me, and they give me the power to rule over you…and your kingdom.”
The Queen raised a hand and sensed the children in Amina’s womb, but did not understand the power they held. Still, Halima did not become Queen by being afraid or cautious in the face of the unknown.
“You would battle me? While you are with child? The ‘seed of a king’, unrecognized by this throne? You will fall hard this day, and your fall will remind everyone why I continue to rule.”
“No, Halima. I will establish a new royal house with the seed of a King you know nothing about. A King you have mocked me for over the last few years.”
Amina turned to the court of 70 women and pointed a finger at each of them as she said, “I know your hearts, all of you.”

She then faced the Queen and said in a commanding voice, “Halima, I know what must be done. I will do what must be done.”

“A usurper who bears bastards?” said Oru’e; one of the queen’s champions in jest. The hall laughed. Amina didn’t have a sense of humor. The earth literally turned to whirlpool of dust under Oru’e, and the harder she struggled to control it, the stronger the current became until she was sucked under and carried to the depths of the earth beyond even where she could rescue herself. The crater that was left made that clear to everyone that Amina was not the same person they had known.

“If you are done thinking about your future positions, I suggest that one of you, any of you, all of you stand forward to defend your queen’s throne, or stand behind me as I establish mine.
“I am many years younger and many times more ruthless than she, so choose well. The winner will take it all.”

It was clear that the court would support Halima. Amina looked crestfallen, but in her heart she smiled. Being disregarded and despised made for a plain-realistic look of the world. She knew them for the snakes that they were and they had to die. All of them.

Nedeseh had agreed with her that she had to be seen as doing this by herself without him.
“Unseen, Amina. I will be unseen. I will be the shadow that is next to your very body beneath your clothes. No harm will come to you or our children. I will see to that.”
There is a great thing about being powerful and in love. Promises are guarantees and even a sigh is a commitment made. The battle for the throne of the Queen of the Sand-Sprites was not anything like the earth giants. Nedeseh learned that Amina never really needed him to do more than love her. He had already made her a Queen among the Sand-Sprites and she made sure they knew.
Halima stood up and the throne shifted into the form of a sphinx made of a mist of dust. It arched its back until she sat comfortably, then it stared at Amina with predatory eyes and the members of court scampered away. It made ready to pounce, then changed its mind and started to stalk her in a perfect circle.
“So, liar and bearer of bastards…what will you do now? I have no kindness in me. The children in your womb are not my weakness.”

Amina stood perfectly still, then lowered her head and said, “True. Your over-confidence is.”

The sphinx began to convulse, throwing Halima off its back before falling apart into a cloud of dust.
Amina then asked no one in particular, “She doesn’t fear people, but is terrified of scorpions?”

A scorpion of dust slowly rose from the earth beneath, seemingly clawing its way out of hiding. It then shook itself violently, causing its form to become more and more solid. Soon, it was an animated creature of shale. Its pincers large enough to snap the spine of any horse without much effort. Its legs were graceful yet purposeful as it advanced on Halima.
Halima stared at it passively as it raced towards her. When it was almost on top of her, a large jagged rock crashed on it from above.
Halima motioned at the distance behind Amina to a cloud of dust in the distance. It made sense with the trajectory of the rock.
“For a queen, you certainly have little awareness of your kingdom you hope to claim.”, Halima scoffed.
Amina smirked as the form of the scorpion seemed to be struggling under the weight of the rock, but it flailed under the weight, sinking deep into the sands.
“Your manipulation can’t fight the weight.”, Halima said pointedly.
“Halima. You have a grasp of the use of power, but you don’t understand its purposes. It takes more power to create than to destroy.”
The tip of the rock seemed to be animated and a strange pattern burst all over just before it sank beneath the sands. They looked like stress-lines, but they were deliberate, not natural.
Halima sensed the rock wasn’t aiding her cause.
“My scorpion is not fighting the weight of the rock…it is joining with it.”

Fourth Day: Chapter Three (I-III)

So, we start up Chapter Three of Fourth Day. Remember that you can catch up with all the entries in Fourth Day by clicking HERE.




In the Sahara desert, a Bedouin girl – a sand-sprite – was being punished for speaking of a lie of meeting a boy of the Sudan and playing with him rather than capturing him so he could be sold as a slave.

She tried to explain to her mother that the boy was unlike anything she had seen, or even been told of. But they didn’t understand. They were never able to. And two years after, she was used to being put down as lazy, stupid, slow…but for peace of mind, she would replay how they chased each other in a dance that men pretend at in dreams.

She was not confident at sparring and she was often pushed in to the circle to get beaten down as the others would look and laugh.

Today she pretended to be on some mundane task while she day-dreamed of the boy. And he was suddenly before her. She did not jump. She reached out to touch him. He did not flinch. He reached back to her.

“This…this moment is worth all the abuse and insults I have received from speaking of you.”, she said with tears surfacing unbidden.

“Then you must not speak of me. I…have thought often of you as well. I have something for you. I knew I could trust you when you did not harm me that night. I cannot think of anyone else. It is the…”

“I will keep it safe.”

They didn’t know when they kissed.


They heard when someone called out, “Amina!!”, Nedeseh rolled the both of them into a shadow and they rolled out from behind a rock on a mediterranean beach.

They spoke of things that are silly, but love adds a certain gravity, makes what is unsaid, understood.

They spent the night talking and talking and talking and when it was almost dawn, Nedeseh was about to give her the power of Earth, when she said something that revealed she had aged under abuse as he had under power.

“I want you to ‘root’ it in me.” she said to him.

He was about to ask for her certainty and she kissed him fiercely as she raised her skirts while putting her arms round his lower back.

He let his clothes fall through him as he pushed himself into her firmly. They swam into each other as true lovers do, nothing understated, no reserve, no doubt, and no fear.

They travelled through each other’s memories and powers, then travelled up the falling rain into the thundering sky. When they reached the azimuth, Nedeseh couldn’t stop giving and Amina could not stop taking.

When the Earth power went into her, it rooted itself as a child in her womb. It caused a rumble that was gentle her but it quaked the earth beneath the sea.

Nedeseh could not hold back. Water then followed, as it rooted itself, the clouds grew stonger, thicker, and the sea rose to meet them as a hurricane being born.

He let Wind go into her and gently let them both down to the beach.

Rogobaresth stirred and asked, “Another key is being formed?”

Nedeseh shook his head and said,”Fire will not be her curse.”

“Ah! Well, I’m patient.”, was the reply that rumbled from the depths of the earth.

He lay his head between her young breasts and said,”I agree that you will be queen. I cannot rule beside you, Amina. I have a responsibility that even love cannot bridge…as we would like.”
Amina replied in a tired whisper,”I know. I understand. Our sons will not have to suffer knowing what you must become.”
She had seen what he was going to become, even when he could not. This has always been the way with women and the men they are meant to be with…even when they can’t be with them.
The Emptiness watched from a distance.
“Well. This is different. The impossible really has made peace with him.”

Fourth Day: Chapter Two (XIII)

Hey y’all. So here’s the final section of Chapter Two of Fourth Day. I like how it ends. Hope y’all do too.

I’ve been reading into Chapter Three… Woohoo… that’s all I have to say… 🙂

Remember, if you’re not familiar with Fourth Day, you can catch up by clicking HERE


Rogobaresth discovered he was getting weaker as he got to the core of the Earth-giant. Baru had been brave. He knew the harder he screamed, the more intense the deaths of his men.

Nedeseh walked around the parts cooling on the almost dead and cut 3 stroke tattoos where he could see flesh.

Baru could tell the lava was almost on him, he kept his cries and breathing to a bare minimum, his muscles flexed as a means of doing the screaming for him. The claws of the dragon held the earth giant in a firm grip as its body coiled round it so its head could find delicacies among the men in its different parts.

Nedeseh then appeared before Baru and cut 3 tattoo strokes deep and quick.

“You have realized that I had passed on the power of the dragon to you. You decided you were its prey so you did not try to sway it from its course of action. I thought I would tell you this before I tell what I just did to you and most of your men here.

“You struck down the long-shadow guard. You will replace them; you, your sons, and your men.”

Baru narrowed his eyes at Nedeseh then laughed,” I know this much. You need the permission of my king.”

“Ashket gave it. In fact, he suggested it.”

Baru felt such a fury at the deceit that he gave a roar intended to match his effort at bringing Rogobaresth under his control.

All it did, all it was ever going to do, was bring a final wash of red and orange fire over him. Nedeseh never left his side. He was focused on the life in Baru and he took it with all his knowledge, experience, and skill with earth. The 4 elements were his again with the knowledge of how an earth-giant is brought into being…so much more.

Rogobaresth had lost his form when Baru died, but he had not lost his consciousness.

Boy. What is your name?


Nedeseh. I will remember that. So, will you try to master me?

“Only fool will try that. I will pass on the powers.”

And keep none for yourself?! Did you not feel the true power of the universe when I raised myself from the bowels of the earth?!! Did you not want to keep it?!!!

Nedeseh smiled and said, “Older and wiser men than me never made peace with the impossible. It is impossible to see such power and let it go. It is impossible to believe you can get it back once you’ve given it out. It is impossible to believe you won’t need it.

“I, Nedeseh, made peace with the impossible and do it at will. For it made peace with me as a child. There lies my peace of mind, hold on myself, my strength, Rogobaresth.”

We will see.” said the great dragon as the volcano died and unmade itself in the wake of his path to where it slept.

Four Seasons (Part Four)

So, here’s the final bit of Four Seasons. I really hope it signifies freedom for me to write… I don’t even know… well… read sha.


Season Four

Season 4; September 2011. After the third season’s drama, I had to be alone for a while, I was too paranoid to be with anyone and I didn’t want to hurt anyone. And so I forged my resolution at the end of 2010 going into 2011, I resolved to be single and celibate the whole year and for as long as it took me to purge myself of all the negative emotions which had created a niche in my heart. I knew that, there was still some good out there but if I had to receive it, not in this paranoia, sadness enveloped body (you always attract your kind). I stayed true to my vow, well, not like I was interested really. Guys came, tried and all but it was a lost cause.


July, I met someone I hardly really knew at the movies, he was more like a familiar stranger. Anyways, we each got a ticket to see the same movie and naturally, we sat on the same row side by side. The movie started and we made comments as usual but after a while, I realized that his statements were suggestive. At first, it seemed to me like it was a joke, so I didn’t take any of it seriously but as he went on, I realized that this man was ‘toasting’ me in the most unusual way and it was silly but funny. When I got back home, we talked a while on the phone… he was aight. He looked responsible, principled… like he had his shit together.


And I was gone eight months already.


A part of me said, it was time to let go, that sometimes we need people to help us heal. I decided to give it a try but I prayed to God that this time, there wouldn’t be any drama. He was kind, he was nice, he was a Christian, and I was comfortable in my own skin when I was with him. He respected me and was concerned about what went on in my head. He was a man of few words and I really liked him. Everything seemed like it was falling into place.


And then a text comes in and it’s from him.


He said we needed to talk. At that point, I was so scared from wondering what it might be about. Eventually he tells me that on one of his trips, he errrm… had unprotected sex with a girl who was more like his buddy. He said it was a stupid mistake he made but hadn’t seen it coming back to haunt him… but now, she was pregnant I already prepared my mind for the worst, so I was calm but I didn’t know what to say. I knew I had no right to judge him cos in the first instant, this happened way before we got together, and secondly, no one is beyond mistakes. If I wanted this man, I had to take him just as he is, flaws and all cos I’d expect him or anyone to do the same as concerns me. After a few minutes of processing this info, he asked me if I was pissed with him and I gave him an honest answer, that I wasn’t pissed at him, just the situation and he asked if I could handle it and I thought to myself, maybe this is my cue to walk but..  How long would I keep running from the things I wanted and how best would I prove to this man that I wanted to be with him if I left him now, so I made up my mind to stay. When we talked about it, and I asked if he was going to marry her, his response made me heave a sigh of relief and further cleared every doubt… I knew everything was going to be ok, that we were going to get through this, together.
Days passed and on one Saturday evening I got another text saying he had decided on what to do about the situation and the next day, he simply tells me “I have decided to marry this girl”.
At that point everything pretty much stopped for a second and a sudden depression took over me, it was almost like a rush of sadness and the all too familiar nauseous feeling started. Once again, the rug was pulled out from under my feet, I was defenseless. I took a looooooooong deep breath, cos believe me, I needed it badly…… my lungs were constricting almost as if I was being choked and my heart was being squeezed by Godzilla,  A cold chill went down my spine, I started shivering on the inside and everything in me was moving anti-clockwise. My first response was: “What!……….. You what!?. I remember holding my pillow tight like it was going to pacify me and I sobbed into my pillow so no one would hear me – I’m one of those ladies who believe in never crying over a guy, if he goes and you were good to him, then it’s his loss, but I was crying for me. “WHY ME?!” was all I could groan. I wanted this man to stay with me but I couldn’t ask him too. If he loved me and believed in us, he’d stay. But that was a decision he had to make on his own. A part of me said that maybe he liked this girl too, so this was a short cut to being with her cos I don’t believe someone like him would want to spend the rest of his life with someone out of guilt or compulsion……… that’s the ultimate death sentence. Then again, he keeps making statements like; it was a stupid mistake, I messed up and I feel like screaming into his soul… ”Then why do you want to make a stupider one? Why can’t you just deal with this one?”… But hey, it’s his life, his choice, his future… And I can’t decide for him. He said he his decision wasn’t really set on concrete though, that he had to see the girl, analyze the situation and if crawling back to me to beg was the right thing to do, he’d do whatever it took. It was sweet and consoling but I told him not to come back, that I didn’t want him anymore. Maybe it was my pride speaking, maybe it was fear of the unknown or maybe it was probably easier to tell myself that he was gone… I’m not sure.

If he comes back, I don’t know what I’d do. I’ve literally shut down to that world; it’s a freaky way I sort these things out but it helps me keep my sanity. If I can take it out of my head for a while, then my body can adjust to the present, so when I eventually unblock that phase of my life, it’ll feel like it was years ago, a distant memory just like every other. I wish him well, whatever he decides to do.

The scar will be there just like the rest but the pain, well… it gets easier by the second each time I pray, I feel a warmth in my soul, a peace within me, I literally feel a light illuminated in my body and even though I feel lost sometimes, deep down, I have a witness, I feel a witness that everything will be alright in the end, that all things will work together for my good.

Right now… I wish I could believe that…










Four Seasons (Part Three)

Hey y’all. I’m glad to see y’all have been able to connect with this writer’s stories. It’s kinda become a bit special to me because I actually feel some kinship to her, and I’m glad she was able to put it all on paper.

So here’s the Third Season. This one I relate to the most, and I read it over and over again before putting it up. But well… read sha.


Season Three

Season 3: December 29th 2010; the most intriguing of all four seasons. A couple of months back, intriguing wouldn’t have been on my list of choice adjectives to describe this period cos it was one of the saddest moments of my life, almost like someone had died. I lost myself, I lost my faith; in humanity, in men, in friendship, in hope, in trust … in everything. My folks couldn’t quite tell what was wrong with me, but they knew something was up. I pretty much faked everything. I had an out of body experience, a constant stabbing pain in my chest and my sides and even when I didn’t intend to cry, the tears just rolled. I remember how sleeping at night was a Herculean task for me, so I downloaded one of Lauryn Hill’s MTV Unplugged Exclusive albums… and songs like; Just Like Waters, I Find It Hard To Say, I Gotta Find Peace of Mind, etc. which I created a play list for, would play all night with my ear piece in my ears to shut out all the voices and every other thought… I needed to hear the lyrics of the songs, and her voice was soothing. The songs had an element of pain, of surrender to a higher power… I could tell that she was sharing her experience through these songs, which made me connect to her, to the lyrics, to the guitar she was playing. The songs created an ambience of peace during that period.
We met at an unofficial function and I caught him stealing glances at me a couple of times and even when he was dancing with a girl, he’d look my way. Anyways, I’d skip the detail; we got connected but didn’t quite begin d rendezvous until weeks later. He gave me the impression that he too, like me hadn’t had any luck with love, that he’d been taken advantage of and wanted to stay single for a while. We had a great chat relationship and pattern. I made him laugh so much; he was a great chat buddy and great company. We decided to have one those things they call ‘a fling’ (I know it sounds crazy that I’d get involved in something that silly but *shrugs*… Oh well, I judge myself everyday too).  Ok, he was single, so was I… it was safe (or so I thought). Every day was a new experience. We would chat the whole day, he’d wake me up with a ping as early as 4am most times and he’d say, “Hey you”. My reply most often was a BBM smiling smiley or emoticon and a “hi” afterwards. He was like an addiction, my daily fix and I’m not sure if I was the same for him although at that time, if I didn’t ping a whole day, he’d cross examine me for it, asking if I was about to ‘dump’ him. I knew I was playing with fire, I’d never done this before and I was/am too sensitive and paranoid for this kind of game. He too affirmed that his instincts told him to let go, that they were never wrong but he didn’t want to, he couldn’t let go. I looked forward to a new day, my boring days were over, my weekends were fun just chatting with him. We explored every possible communication avenue; BBM, twitter, yahoo messenger, phone calls, etc… it was crazy beautiful and as the days and weeks went by, being the first and last person I talked to each day, falling for him was inevitable. I knew the feeling was mutual. Sometimes, I’d tell him that he was an angel sent by God to show me another side of life, love and friendship…. all the others didn’t matter anymore, my healing was speeding improved. He wasn’t perfect, we had a few fights but we always got through and moved on. I remember a couple of times the question of whether we should call it off arose but we always had reasons to go with the plan. I used to encourage him to hang out with other ladies cos I didn’t want him to think for a second that I was getting attached and was going to flout my own end of the bargain, (maybe it was a mistake, maybe I shouldn’t have.. but I guess I’d never know) but he’d simply say, he wasn’t interested and thought it was time to pass the philanderer title to someone else. I was always excited to see him; it felt like when my mum used to come visit me in boarding school. I was free with this man, we had fun just gisting and making fun for hours, and each time he kissed me I felt a spark in my spine. He knew the right things to do, together, we were like current which was hard to contain. Holding back anything from this man was impossible, he had me, he got me. When we chatted, I could literally feel the emotions, the sexual tension, the connection through each text, each character… We didn’t need to be together physically to initiate that. Suddenly, the story of some girls came up and I assumed it was nothing serious, I mean…, the guy says he’s single and unattached. The great stunner: A couple of days after Christmas, I get a call from him saying that ‘his girlfriend’ just showed up from whatever country she was in and I’m like…………….. When the call ended, I knew we ended and when he sent me a message that night, I couldn’t fall back into old patterns, everything had fallen apart. I had to walk away with the little sanity and pride I had left. There was nothing more to say.

Fourth Day: Chapter Two (X-XII)

*Dodges slippers and rotten tomatoes*

Yes, I know that I’ve slacked a lot with Fourth Day. I sincerely apologize. It was caused by a mix of internet connectivity issues and a touch of my usual laziness. Which is why I’m repenting of my sins once more and humbly promise to try to do better.  I’m giving y’all a bit right now, and then I’ll put up some more tomorrow. Which is when it’s meant to actually be up. Remember, if you’re not familiar with Fourth Day, you can simply catch up by clicking this link.

Now, let’s go on.


“I was promised an impossible death.” Baru said, with resignation in his voice.

Tears were already gathering in his eyes from looking at Nedeseh.

Nedeseh’s appearance began; a transition back to his original form.

“Rogobaresth!” He said,” He must have been promised you. Make good of it.”


Rogobaresth is an entity known my many names and many forms. His most popular form is that of the Leviathan because that is what most men could relate with. Many have assumed he was the last dragon. Only few are privy to the truth of him. He is a form of judgment, a form that even karma pales to in comparison. He does not care for the individual acts of men, or of groups of men to other groups, he does not look at a generation as good then another as evil. Every generation of ‘life’ has evil that the earth trembles under. That trembling is Rogobaresth and he is the earth waiting to consume the world upon its back. When he consumes, none can record what he did or how he did it for any man who looks upon his power is in danger of staying mad…but they all run mad. They all run mad.


Baru suddenly found himself alone again. The earth giant stooped over to see if it could find a corpse among the charred point of impact from its blow. If found nothing.

Baru then felt a burning sensation that housed itself in his breath, his life. He tried to speak, but he cried out with a violence that dwarfed the earth-giant’s blow. His cry called to the true earth beneath the earth. Men call it Lava, and believe that volcanoes are the only things that Lava forms as outlets. They are spared of the truth. Rogobaresth is the culmination of Fire and Earth and Water and Air. Fire is how he burns, Earth is where he gets his form, Water is how he moves and Air is how he keeps on burning.

A black dragon, with scales of burnt earth that revealed lava through cracks, eyes that were iron and fixed on the source of the cry that called him, it literally swam as if in water, out of the earth, towered the Earth Giant, only to curve back and dive to Baru’s unfortunate army.

As it touched the head of the earth-giant, the dragon became lava and washed the earth-giant. Baru screamed even harder, and the flood of fire intensified. The sky took on a red hue with a tint of fire orange and those being shielded by the Emptiness acknowledged that what he did was right. They could not imagine what was happening and the did not want to for a sense of dread that hides in the primal nature of man came to the surface with such suddenness, grown adults cleared their bowels and bladders without seeing what was happening.

Only the Long-Shadow king and the Emptiness could see…and discuss.

“So the boy found Rogobaresth?”

“Yes. When I told him to take the powers of the elementals, I knew it would only be time before he would come to a conscious state and speak to the key of the day.”

“That boy became a key? For how much longer? I am yet to hear of or meet a key powerful enough to survive Rogobaresth for a week. And they were before and during my time.”

“Really?”, said the Emptiness, “Well, you will hear of one today.”

The Long-Shadow king stood in silence for a few seconds as the earth giant’s true situation was being revealed. It was being eaten. The power that kept it together was being eaten, not as a beast would consume prey, but as a man would take his time over a meal…with contemplation.

“He did not need to strike at me, Emptiness. Where do we replenish my host of guards?”

The Emptiness smiled and said,” Well, I spoke with their king and he gave permission…”


So, with this tidbit, am I forgiven? Thank you. I’ll also be putting up the next part of “Four Seasons” in a few minutes. I’ve got a bit of work to do… gotta earn my keep.

Four Seasons (Part Two)

So… I think I’ll put another one up now. I’m moving about a lot so I can’t write right now but… soon enough…

My Second Season was in October of the same year. We met in August and the first three dates were great (I’d never had a hitch free date with an ex before), I was excited about meeting this great guy who got jealous each time he saw a guy give me the eye and he’d kiss me as a way of saying….. ”hands of dude! She’s my chick”. It was sexy and sweet and at first I wasn’t really thinking about getting into a serious relationship (Hell! I just celebrated my emancipation from the bondage I called a relationship)…. but it all happened so quickly and we became a couple. As the days past and weeks went by, things started changing, he started acting up. He was fast falling in love and losing his freedom as a single, unattached guy, which put him on edge cos falling in love wasn’t in the sketch for him. He craved space and he wasn’t sure if he wanted me to stay or go. According to him, he needed some time to sort out issues he had with his family. His “un-official” ex (they didn’t break up, she kinda relocated, and they became ex’s by default) had been calling him, she wanted him back, she wanted in again and I didn’t know how I was going to handle and compete with that….i wasn’t going to get entangled in any love triangle of any sort. He wanted me to lay low while he sorted out these numerous issues, sort of like… be in limbo or oblivion… I just couldn’t do that, waiting for a man to decide if he wanted me or not. I remember vividly the scenario that night, I opted to leave, to make it easier for both of us and he asked if during the period, he could still call or visit perhaps when he needed me. “No!” was my answer. So  I told him not to let me go cos I knew the moment I walked out the door, I was never going to come back. We held each other, we cried but I knew it was over for me. That night, we made love like never before and it was awesome! We sort of, bonded for the first time, our hearts, our bodies, our souls… it was a movie.
On my way home, a part of me knew it was over; the other part wished it lasted longer. Anyways, I didn’t cry, I couldn’t cry. He called three days after to say he wanted me back…  It was too late, I was already far too gone.

And so went Season Two.

Four Seasons (Part One)

I’ve been running away from writing. It’s kind of hard because my soul is always packed into my words and it’s impossible to lie to myself that I don’t feel certain things once I’ve written it down. So I’ve been avoiding writing. Distracting myself. But in the last few days, different people have tried to convince me to stop bottling up. But the biggest of all motivators, is this true life story in the form of a piece that one of my readers sent me. I have been, and I’m going through shit, and here comes someone who has been through shit as well, but is trying to let it out.

Needless to say, her story is really painful. More painful cos, some part I can relate to all so vividly. She doesn’t want anyone to know who she is so… I’ll respect her wishes.

It’s a bit long so, I’m gonna break it into four parts. I may put them all up today, or one per day. I don’t know.

Four Seasons (Part One)

I’ve been in isolation for some weeks now because I was going through what I’d like to call …. The Fourth Season in my “Season of Breaks”.  You’d think that after going through each season, it would get easier but the bad news is, it doesn’t. But right now? I’m more confused than I ever was, cos a lot of questions arise in my mind. Like; what did I do wrong? Is there a problem with me? Could there be something I could have said or done to change things? Do I need deliverance?  Would I ever find the kind of love and man I’m looking for? bla bla bla…
I took some time out to; do some soul searching, praying and to heal – I get over things faster in isolation. I’m not so sure how or what I feel right now but, at least…. I’m alive, so there’s hope.

In two years, I’ve been through four horrendous breakups and that’s more than any one girl should take. But the good news is; I’ve survived. I always left cos I was afraid to fight (too many reasons) and I’m not sure if I would if it all happened again.

My first season was on July 17th 2010 (Yes! I keep dates). It felt like a part of me had died, like I just suddenly woke up from a decade of dreaming and I wasn’t sure the world around me was real. I felt lost, even when I saw people talking and laughing, I couldn’t hear them, everything was still and when I tried to pray, the words … they seemed stifled, wrong, un-coordinated. I kept telling myself…”you did the right thing, after 4 years of loving someone who treated you like dirt, without regard, you finally got the balls to walk. You should give yourself a pat on the back”…. but trust me, it didn’t make the pain any easier.  I was upset at myself, angry at him, my late mum [God bless her soul] wasn’t in the least exempted from the mind bashing, I felt she should have been here to guide me through this, to counsel me. I felt that if she hadn’t left me, I wouldn’t have had to go through this in the first place. The only thing he didn’t do to me was assault me physically but every other form of assault was in the mix. Why I stayed that long, I honestly can’t explain. I was in love, and stupidly so. It hurt to leave cos I’d invested four years of my life, four years of my love, four years of my time….all dedicated to loving a man who hardly even noticed.

And so the first season went…

Well, I’m gonna write. It may be painful, but I’ll do it. My blog may become a dark, emotional place. I don’t know. Someone was complaining that my blog isn’t fun anymore. Well, feel free to unfollow/un-bookmark. I won’t be pissed. This is my world so…

I’ll be back with some more.