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>It’s 2011….now get over yourself.

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Yes.

This is exactly as it sounds. It’s a new year and I’m  tired of the bullshit. I usually don’t make new year resolutions, but I decided to make only one. If anyone is gonna use me to catch trips just so that they can do me a favour, I. Will. Not. Beg. You.

See, I may be an ass more often than not. I may be quite sarcastic most of the time. Maybe it’s because people that should’ve been “friends & family” have at one point or the other let me down. So now I’ve been disillusioned as regarding the “kind nature of mankind”. But at the base of it, I’m still a nice guy to people when it counts. I don’t put anyone on some long trips when they ask me for a favour. If I can, I do. If I can’t, I simply say so. What I do not do, is make people look stupid just cos they’ve come to me for help. I treat people with a certain level of respect, & I will not accept any less, from ANYONE.

If you know me, be warned. If I come to you for help, it’s because I have some form of faith in your abilities, & I feel we’re at a point where I can come to you for stuff. Ergo, I do not expect you to treat me like a beggar o. If you can’t help me, say so. If you can, then please do & don’t fuck about.

Okay? Bye.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.


>Christmas Abi?

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Yes, it’s Christmas. So fuck what?

Ok, that’s probably not a good way to start. I mean, it’s the day of the birth of the Baby Jesus. And if you actually believe that, then you have a serious problem. December 25th was not the day Jesus was born. In fact, I don’t imagine that anyone alive knows exactly what date he was born. The 25th of December was simply picked by the Roman Catholic church to mark his birth.

Ok, so it’s a day to “mark” the birth of Jesus. Fine then, let’s move on.

Today’s been quite irritating for me. Some would expect that I’d be all ecstatic cos it’s the first Christmas in 10 years that my mom’s gonna be around for Christmas, but honestly? Everyone, & by everyone I mean everyone, is irritating me. From my old man to my sis. They’re all pissing me off. Honestly, all I would like right now, is to sit with a few friends, smoke some really good weed, have a few laughs, & be happy.

But maybe that’s just me whining. I know that there’s people that would kill to be me right now. So I’m definitely grateful for what I’ve been given. But I am also quite human. So forgive me if my attitude is shitty.

I stopped saying “Merry Christmas” a few years ago. At some point, I realized that saying that was just a bloody lie, cos honestly, ain’t nothing merry bout these last few Christmases…so these days, I say “Christmas to you”. You want anything more?? I can help you find a transformer to hug.

Anyways, dinner’s in a couple of hours…hopefully, I’ll be able to get some pot for my cousins & I to have a lil after dinner bake.

So, good reader, Christmas to you. Hope you got what you wanted for Christmas (I didn’t get shit).


>A Wack Weekend

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Reader, hope you’re having a good weekend so far…I’m not.

Wow…

I’m…swamped with work. So much work that I don’t even understand where I’m supposed to start. I’ve been scared to even write about it cos…I don’t know…maybe writing is one of the things that matters the most to me. And so writing about it would only make this problem even more real…so I’ve been putting it off. Trying to work on poetry/spoken word…but the blocks in my head don’t seem willing to go down, or to let me jump over them to write any thing worthy of being called poetry….-although, I started writing something that I really like, and I have ideas for it…but I just seem to be stuck somewhere.- So lemme write what my brain will allow me to…

It’s been a crazy semester so far…being in final year is so much more work than I imagined that it would be. I just finished the first  page of my proposal for my final project, so you can see that I’ve gotten basically nowhere on it. But I know that it has to be ready to mail to my supervisor before Monday…only God knows how I’m going to do that, all I know is that I will. I’ve got assignments left, right & hitting me on the head…I’ve barely even started studying… I was supposed to have a test on Thursday. Thankfully it was cancelled cos of some seminar thingy my department was organising. I have no idea if I’d have been able to do well on it. & when I don’t do well on a test, it throws a lot of pressure on me for the exam cos I know I’ll have to really put my back into it to knock out an A…I really hate putting pressure on myself.  So…I’m glad the test was cancelled sha. At least I know a little bit more on the course than I did last week, & when I start preparing for it, the concept of projects, programs, plans, project cycles, & all that other horse shit won’t seem so foreign to me.

Damn.

But…I know it’ll be aight. I’ll manage. I always do. No matter  how much bitching I may be doing right now, no matter how difficult things may seem, I always find a way to make it above the line. Whether it’s 70 or 89, I’ve learned that an A is an A. So all I need to do is shoot for it.

Sometimes I wonder to myself when academic excellence started to matter so much to me…cos…I failed my way through secondary school…like I was a total failure. My old man threatened me when I was about to write WAEC, that if I failed, he was gonna carry me to some vulcanizer or tailor or something so I could start learning a trade or something…lol…those were scary times. I think, the day things started to fall into perspective for me, was the day Le Beau spoke to me. He told me that he understood me. Probably better than anyone else did. And he knew that all I had to do, was to really want something, & then work towards getting it. & nothing could hold me back. I believed him…I didn’t fail WAEC…& when I got into Uni, I put the same theory into practice…the rest is history. That’s why, I know I can do what I want. As long as I really wanna do it, I can.

So I’ll be fine.

I’m actually happy I wrote this blog. It’s sorta like a pep talk for myself….lol.

Anyways….there’s work to be done. Last weekend was just trips…parties, drinks, home-made water bongs, chics…I had, the craziest margaritta ever…damn! That drink packed one heck of a punch!

But this weekend is gonna be serious…and so is my week.

Next weekend though….!

Better be a good one… Sundays At The Bay! : “Bikini’s & Water Guns.” I’ll definitely be there…

But for now, back to work..

Posted via Blogaway on my Android Device.


>Been a minute.

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It’s been quite a bit since I put  up  a blog about anything sensible….I still don’t  have much to say right now. I just thought I should at least write something to remind y’all of my chubby  existence.

One reason I haven’t been writing much, is  that I’m trying to work on spoken word. Yes, this Panda is trying to delve into poetry. I’ve been really inspired by poets  like Black Ice, Shihan, J.Ivy, Rives, Sage Hasson…you can find them all on YouTube.

So, I’ve been  trying my hands out at that…it’s somewhat difficult, but I’ll get the hang of it. Right now, I’ve got this very……..”ashewo”ish poem I’m writing…inspired by recent activities &…that’s besides the point…anyways, I’ve got this  really long piece I’m writing…hope I’ll be able to memorise it.

School’s really stressful…that’s all the bitching I’ll be doing about it. Cos if I go on, I may not be able to stop. But I know I’ll get through it…don’t have a  choice

Wow…I’m falling asleep. I’ll put up something sensible soon…I promise. In fact, I’m gonna put up a post on 3 artistes I’m feeling at the moment! Can’t wait to finish it.

Okay bye!!!!


>The Morning’s Musings.

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6:45AM

Facing yourself with the truth is never an easy task. Admitting to yourself that you’ve omitted something, or gone astray in a particular way, can be the  most difficult thing that any man can be asked.

It’s so much easier to just sit & stew in feigned ignorance of your wrong doing than to come to terms with it.

Coming to terms means facing the  consequences of what you’ve done, and admitting to yourself “Yes. This was my fault.”

These consequences could be anything. Seeing a former lover in tears, & knowing that her heart is in pieces because of you. Or looking at your CGPA in your final year & realizing, that you’d played away 4 years of your life, & quite a large sum of money. It may even be attempting a workout in Capoeira,& realizing that can’t even make it halfway because you’ve gotten very horribly outta shape… realization could come to you in any number of ways.

But a lot of the time, we choose not to take the high road of admitting the truth. Black Ice said “ignorance is bliss & niggas love this, so they take pride in not knowing.”

But the truth is, the truth of your ways will come to you sooner or later. If it doesn’t come to you when you’re looking in her eyes & seeing the pain you’ve caused, it’ll come to you when you’ve left a string of shattered souls in your wake, & the curses of these scorned women catch up with you, & you find yourself all alone. It’ll catch up with you when you have to show the skill you’re supposed to have acquired as a caporista, & you can’t, because you’re so outta shape, you can barely even do the most elementary of drills.

Whatever it is that we run from, will catch up with us someday. No matter how fast we may try to go.

I decided, a few months ago, to stop running. From everything. Now, I live. I wait. For whatever it is, to come meet me. Some people may look at me & think I’m running from God, but the truth is, I’m tired of this song & dance. Now I watch… will He remember me?? I simply wait.

In other ways, I’ll do what I can to manage the concequences of sitting back & watching my stomach evolve into a fluffy ball, & the strength I possessed, fade away… Time to start some workout routine or something…

Face the truth, grow a pair. Set yourself free.


>The Morning’s Musings

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September 8, 2010. 7:08AM

It’s a new day huh…whooptiedoo.

Don’t get it twisted, I’m glad I’ve been able to see the day. There’s a lot of people that would kill to be in my shoes. But let’s be honest. There’s just some days when you wake up & you’re just…..fucking crancky.

I guess this is one of those mornings.

Anyways, there’s stuff to do today. Have to be in school early. Officially, this is the day we’re supposed to be resuming & stuff. But obviously, I’d gone on ahead since last week Friday to sort out a whole lot of things. So the only thing left for me to do right now is just to pick up my course form & get it stamped.

But then, for you that’s just abstract talk isn’t it???

Woke up this morning, thinking about a friend of mine. We had a bit of a fight about 6 months ago, & we still haven’t talked & settled shit. I mean, we talk o. It’s not like we’re forming vexation for each other, it’s just that for me, underlying the handshakes, and the laughter & all that we do when we see now, I feel the grouse there. The fact that we both feel that the other person did something wrong in some way or the other, & it hasn’t been addressed. Funny thing is, he may just have mentally swept it under a rug, or filed it among the things that he considers unimportant, cos that’s really the kinda guy he is, but for me, it’s not like that. I hate having things like that at the back of my mind, cos I know that if it’s not settled, a day will come when something will happen, something seemingly trivial, & everything will come bubbling out like lava from a volcano or something…

Ah well…I don’t know…to confront, or let sleeping dogs chill???

I don’t know…

Good morning reader. Hope you have a good day…


>Blogaway Crash!

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I’m in tears…

My blog application on my phone crashed, & I had to re-install it. So now I’ve lost all the drafts that were on it. So many unfinished pieces. Memories that I’d put down…saving for later. All gone…

Ah well. I guess it’s time to start writing new stuff…making new memories…

Speaking of memories, a friend of mine that’s on Twitter, just reminded me of my days in secondary school, when my class mates used to call me “The Baboon”. Lmao!!! They even had a soundtrack for me. It was the “Upswing” ringtone on the Nokia3510i. It’s so funny now, the way i used to get so riled up about it. I’d get all ticked off, & be vexing & shit. But now, I wonder what the big deal was. I was honestly such a dumb ass kid. In as much as I feel that my mind was wired somewhat differently from the rest of the pack, at the base of it, I couldn’t escape the immaturity that came as a bundle pack with puberty. And in some funny way, I think I’m still stuck with that predicament. I have an old soul, that’s still young at heart. So even though people look at me & think I’m somewhat intelligent & all that, there are times when the teenager that never really got a chance to live comes out in me. So yes, I know I can be immature. It can be a very annoying… even for me.

I think….I think about things way too much. I just let shit weigh me down. Well…Le Beau thinks so, & I’m inclined to agree with him. It’s probably why I have so many mood swings…

He thinks I need people to lighten my load…He may be right. One reason I love my friends so much, is that they help to keep me from thinking about stuff. So when I’m with them, the darkness of sadness doesn’t creep into my heart so much… but then, not so many of them actually know me like that. Some do, but they’re not so many. & for a person to be able to think like you,& think of somethings for you, or keep you from thinking about stuff, they have to be able to relate with the way your mind works. That’s one reason I value the time I get to spend with Le Beau & Oyé bo…because the two of them understand me. They understand me so well that it freaks me out sometimes. But anyways….

So I’m just sitting here in the dark…there’s a power problem in Magodo…PHCN keeps “flashing” us with light…lol. Need to get the gen on. Stuff to be done.

Catch you later Blogsville!


>Will You Ever Get It?

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Words which you can never understand their effect. You say what you want without an ounce of care. The hairs on your back are never moved by the callousness of your lips.

But you just don’t see it.

Everything is right from your point of view. Even when you’re wrong, telling you that you are wrong would be the the greatest way I could go wrong. But you want a relationship with him?

Now you want to reap the fruit of a seed you never took the time to sow. But it’s not there for you to pluck. The idea that you could have gone wrong terrifies you. You can’t bear the thought. So you set up an aggressive defense. It’s everyone against you. You are the besieged one who did nothin wrong. I am obviously at fault.

The irony of it is, he’s never claimed to be without fault. A dysfunctional child of parents who were never in conjunction, but he took the unction on himself & attempted to do something sensible. As patchy & incorrect as his methods may have been. But you’ve never attempted to see that. All you see is what you want. Your ideas of what should be ideal have blinded you from what the reality is, & so you can’t even see that despite your early inability to do the right thing, he has survived, & attempts to make something of himself.

Will you ever get it?

Location : Bahiru Shittu, Lagos,
Posted via Blogaway


>The Morning’s Musings.

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My words are mine alone for me to speak, or to write. And for what’s mine, i always fight. I see the truth & say it whenever I can. Whenever the fear in my heart can be pushed away by a sense of what should be and what should not. By a refusal to accept the bullshit that’s usually fed to us on a golden spoon. Because I’ve come to see that that golden spoon, like an Olympic gold medal, is actually 95% silver, which is 95% bollocks, 95% lies, and 95%,  might as well be the whole thing. And the slow sin which we commit by letting the shit slide be as we on our idly lie is unacceptable to me.

I said I wasn’t gonna write about this, but I really can’t look around anymore. We as a nation are gonna be 50. A professor of mine described this county as a man going on 50, a man who had managed to move out of his parents’ house, & away from their rule, & has become “independent”, but still wets his bed.

There is something structurally wrong.

There is something structurally wrong with us commiting  84 billion naira (yes, billion…with a B) to the elections nect january, yet PHCN staff are going on strike & plunging the nation into a deeper state of darkness, because their been owed hundreds of billions in salary arrears. I mean, really? N84B? On a fricking election? What the bloody hell for? As if we don’t already know this election is gonna be rigged. I mean, if Babangida can be allowed to even run for presidency, isn’t that indicative enough of what we should expect?

There’s something structurally wrong with spending 1 billion naira on independence day celebrations. Frankly, we as a nation have totally nothing to celebrate about. Yes, I said it. At 50 years old, we’re still a 3rd world country (please don’t gimme that developing country bullshit) even though we have every single resource necessary to be a super-power nation.

Kai…I said I wasn’t gonna rant  about this nation…but the pen wants what it wants. But I’ll stop here for now. Speaking of the pen…I have a bit to tell you about him…

Okay, bath time!

I’ll be back in blogsville a bit later..

Location : Bahiru Shittu, Lagos,
Posted via Blogaway


>Speaking in Abstract.

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…..

I’ve been…blog reading. I came across stuff that shocked, and….well, let’s not get into how I felt by what I read.

All my life, I’ve tried to do the right thing, regarding my relationship with women. Somehow or the other, I wasnt able to get it right this time. I…won’t start to talk specifically now. It seems to me like my speaking in abstract terms suits me just fine, and the people who read this blog and are meant to understand, will understand.

I’ve been called a lot of things. A lot of things have been said about me. I will not try to defend myself.

Someone told me, once, that in a relationship which is being dissolved, the person who wields power isnt actually the one who makes like everything is ok. The one who wields power is the one who is supposedly not handling things well.

It hurts, when people who are supposed to know better, say things about you that are just….crazy. on friday, two people who i thought would know better, told me not to go on a rebound spree…me. Adeyemi? I was so pissed. Now, I read stuff about my actions in this blog and…I don’t even know what to say….

Now, I’ve decided. I cannot let this power over my life linger.

I loved… I loved with all my heart, and soul, and mind. I did everything to keep that love. That love….left. It cannot be brought back. And for my own safety and peace of mind, I’ve decided to let it go. I said I would always be there….this is true. I was told that…it wouldn’t happen again…6 months after the last time…but it did…so what are we saying?

I’m saying that, some situations are beyond my control. I’m saying, that I cannot continue to do this. Let it be said that Adeyemi Adebayo Babajide Gabriel Ishola Fatona is a soulless bastard who was just lying through his teeth. Let that be said. I…will not do this anymore.

This Panda is done.

Ps. Congratulations. You’ve succesfully chased me away.

Location : Kosofe, Lagos,

Posted via Blogaway

Location : Kosofe, Lagos,

Posted via Blogaway