One Year of You

Year One.

*chuckles*

It’s hard to believe that you and I stuck it out.

I’m sitting here, wondering what magnificent words to write in your honor, on this momentous night (oyinbo repete).

But, all I can say is that I love you.

I love you in ways those three words cannot express. I love you in ways that can only be seen in colors beyond the spectrum.

You’ve been my partner in the journey that has been 2013. You’ve stuck with me despite our differences and difficulties, and waded through the muck and misery to find happiness with me.

We’ve been through more in the last 365 days than most people go through in a decade. Battles neither of us thought we’d ever have to fight, we found ourselves unsheathing the swords from our hearts and charging straight into it.

When we fought each other, we’d battle it to the end. Words would be said and tears would be shed. Pride stepped on and hearts ripped open.

When it was against outside forces, we’d stand back to back and take them down together. We’ve learned so much about each other, and I want to keep learning, loving and being the man for you.

I was going to speak plenty grammar and blow you away with the poetry our love should symbolize, but watching you sleep, I’m reminded of one important thing. One thing that’s just as true as the words “I love you” are when I say them to you;

My sun rises and sets in your eyes.

You are my lady, my woman, and hopefully, one day you’ll be my wife. I hope and pray that God gives me the grace to keep being the Crown on your Head, that I never put you to shame, or stop loving and taking care of you.

We’ve learned, we’ve laughed, we’ve wept, we’ve struggled not to kill each other, and woken up realizing we couldn’t imagine being without each other.

I hope we keep loving, and teach our children how to love by showing them how we love each other.
I hope we stay together till our company is the only sure thing we can hold on to, and holding each other’s hands becomes more second than kissing each other through our morning breath when we wake up in each other’s arms (more like when I wake up on the floor after you’ve kicked me off the bed.

I hope we contribute to each other’s successes, and as we get stronger, the name we’re working to build becomes something that will outlive us both.

I hope we do this for another year… and more years after that.

I hope we keep growing together.

Happy Anniversary, Kiitan mi.

I love you.

Ade Ori IreIMG_20130623_205052

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Runaway Words: Musings From The Bottoms Of Bottles

He said, “The problem is, I don’t understand.”

I was a bit confused, so I asked him what he meant. He said “Every action I take is always taken from a place of good intentions, but more often than not, they’re the wrong thing to do. So I may mean to offer her roses along with her favorite brownies-in-a-mug, but end up serving up a tin cup full of tears and served on a coaster of mymagnificent intentions.”

“And when I do these things, she groans about the weight it puts on her soul, and I moan about how pussilanimus I am for treating her wrong. But unable to see me in pain even when it was of my own construction, she comes to me and tells me it’s okay. And takes me back into her arms with a teary eyed smile. We pick up the pieces of the sticks that are our broken feelings, rub them together and from the little flame we bring forth, once more create the inferno that is our love.”

I told him, “Homeboy, I feel you. So after all this, why do you still fuck up?

He said: “For the life of me, I wish I knew. I’m like a kid standing at the shore, writing my mistakes in the sand and hoping I don’t forget them. And with the high tide comes the wave of good times, erasing what I’ve written with the hopes of never forgetting. And the waves wash it away; leaving me to look and wonder what I said I wouldn’t do. I look so closely, I’m able to make out faint traces, and keep myself in check, but ultimately those traces go faint and I forget. And then I make the same mistake again and then it hits me. That’s the shit I did the first time! So I retrace the faint traces I left in the sand and smile as the tide goes low. I smile and look at what I’ve written. Till the tide is high once more and like a high person, I start the cycle once more.”

I said, “That’s heavy man. Why does she still stay with you then?”

He said, “Because she’s amazing. She sees past my bullshit and when she gets tired, remembers somewhere deep inside, that I love her. She’s amazing enough to still find that flag even in the warzone we sometimes call our love. She stays because she believes in me. And loves me in ways she can’t even explain. Ways that delight and frighten me at the same time, that keep my heart beating with a purpose and have me looking for the quickest ways to get her back beside me when she’s not there beside me. She makes me want to stand on every street corner in Lagos (excluded, are street corners in Festac, Ikorodu, Akute and Abara Estate), to ask fellas that pass me by, if they have it as good as I do.”

She stays with me because she’s patient, and knows that I try. She stays with me because she chooses to see the good times we have, and let them overshadow the bad days. She stays because she’s my eternity, and nothing could try to keep us apart.”

He was quiet for a second… “Or maybe she stays cos no one else would have her… I’m not sure about that one.” He said.

“Idiot.” I laughed out. “So you still know how to make jokes… I thought you’d washed your sense humor down after the second bottle of Jack.”

“Na…” He smiled. “As long as I have her, that sense of humor isn’t going anywhere.”

“You moist motherfucker.” I laughed as I poured him another drink. “If I’d known you’d be like this tonight, I’d have started playing Drake when you walked in.”

He laughed.

“So.” I asked. “If you know how much she loves you, why are you sitting here, reaffirming your loyalty to Lynchburg, Tennessee, when you should be with her?”

He looked up at me, brought out his wallet, and went “Charge it to my current. Add an extra 10% for yourself.”

Five minutes later, he walked out of the bar. Looking like a soldier of old; weary, but picking up his long sword, because the battle had to be fought, and he would do nothing else if he couldn’t fight it. I looked at the will returning to his step as he gathered momentum and crossed the road to go home to the woman he loved, and thought to myself…

Another day, another battle. Did he say 10% or 20%? *chuckle* he won’t notice jare…

-End-


Runaway Words: Random Writings

“I got chased by a chicken this morning.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

He looked up at her with a slight smile.

“I said, I got chased by a chicken this morning.” he said to her again.

She cleared her throat. “Care to tell me why?”

“Well I was stumbling down my street this morning, and I bumbled through her & her babies in a haze of super-strong coffee attempting to overshadow the lasting effects of last night’s super-strong weed, unwittingly deciding to test what would happen if I scooped one of those squalling babies up with my foot.”

She looked bemused.

“And how exactly does this qualify as being ‘something different about you this morning’?”

“Well, for one thing, my perception is quite different from what it used to be.” Her eyebrow raised slightly. “I’ve finally understood that thing my father always said about testing a mad man’s lack of a family by throwing a stone at him in the market.”

“What?”

“And for another, as I’m sure you’ve finally noticed, I’m still slightly baked this morning. Between me and you, some of the best weed in Lagos can be found in Ikeja.”

“And why are you sharing this info with me?”

“Because you were wondering why my eyes were slightly red when I sat down, and the edges of your cheeks wrinkled when I mentioned weed, & again when I said I was still high. You haven’t gotten baked in a minute and you’re probably wondering who my supplier is.”

“You’re perceptive.”

“It’s a beneficial and somewhat annoying characteristic.”

“But that isn’t why we’re here, is it?”

“No, it isn’t, but I’m a nice guy.” He looked in her eyes and smiled again. “I hate to see a friend in need and not share some help.”

Her eyebrow raised. “We’re friends now?”

“I don’t see why not, do you? We will have some sort of… Working relationship pretty soon. We may as well get the formalities out of the way and all.”

Her face straightened. “You sound so sure.” He smiled, and his look became slightly distant. “That’s the point; I’m not sure. I’m barely afloat on a sea without shore. But if you’d seen what I’d saw, you’d certainly know that certainty without flaw is often a delusion and no certainty at all.

“Poetry?”

“By my favorite poet, Amir Sulaiman.”

“I like poetry. Is that what you were playing on your iPod before you sat down?”

He nods

“What else do you have on your iPod?”

“I’m sorry, I only share my playlists with my friends.”

“So why won’t you share it with me?”

“Well less than five breaths ago, you weren’t sure if we were friends. Unless of course, you’ve made up your mind and we actually are going to be… friends.”

This time she gave him a little smile.

“And if I had made up my mind, why do you think it should be you?”

He gave her his own smile. “Well, in the words of the great Mr. Carter, ‘Fuck with me, you know I’ve got it.'”

“A bit of arrogance?”

“Another of my beneficial but somewhat annoying characteristics.”

“And how would it be beneficial to me?”

“Feigned humility is for the weak and pretentious. You’re in no mood for either. Neither am I.”

She chuckled as she glanced at her watch. “Interesting… but, we’re out of time. It was good to meet you. Thanks for coming over.

He got up. “And you. We’ll meet again?”

She looked down. “I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough. Could you ask the next person to come in?”

“Of course.”

He walks out, back straight like a dancer with a high held head. Although the slight stumble gave him away, she couldn’t help but smile as she ticked his application with her green pen and ushered the next candidate in for the interview. She hadn’t even gotten round to asking him any actual questions.  He’d probably be a bad influence on her if they were in the same building… But ah well.

She wondered to herself, who his supplier was.

END

So, I’m sitting and waiting for an interview at the moment. I was on the bus this morning, and I started thinking about how it would be to have this sorta conversation at an interview…
Remember, honest and beneficial criticism only.

Oh, and wish me luck.

-Panda-


30 Reasons To Keep On Keeping On

If you’re going through a hard time right now, read this and know that it’ll be okay. You’re not alone.

Thought Catalog

1. Nothing beautiful ever came from an easy life. Nothing truly incredible ever came from times of ease and contentment. We’d never enjoy the daytime if we didn’t have the night.

2. We naturally want to reach for more. Until we literally reach nirvana, we’re designed to be striving for better, and it’s not always the worst thing.

3. With that said, it’s also extremely important to realize the beauty in the art of being. Allowing yourself to embrace the journey, but to rest at whatever step you’re at and enjoy it, as you’ll never be back there again.

4. Real transformations and miracles are always preceded by pain and suffering. Lost things are always just making room for others to be found.

5. If there’s one thing we know about existence, it’s that nothing remains for too long, not even our sorrows.

6. You are a constant unfolding of…

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Of Good Intentions & Failed Tasks

What do you do when your feet are held down by the weight of your own shortcomings, and each step you take is steeped in sadness, your pace slowed by the realization that you’re not half the person you wish you could be.

If the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, then name one in my honor. But leave the streetlights without bulbs, so those that walk it see that I’m blind; blind to reality, blind to the things I should see, blind to the man I’m needed to be.

I ask to be taught, but seem to never learn. Maybe I ask for rewards that I seem to never earn. Erring on the side of the needful. Unseeing when it stands in front of me. Claiming to love but not showing what love gives. Desperately wanting to be right but not recognizing what wrong is. Failing the tests because I sat in class but never really paid attention. Getting an F because I failed to prepare. Give me that F because when it came down to it, I wasn’t there. Give me that F because feelings are f**k-all without some fiber of action. Give me that F because fathers aren’t made of flimsy excuses. Give me that F because at the end of the day… I’m just as F’d up as I said I wasn’t.

*chuckle*
Fuck this.

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Runaway Words: Overcoming Nature

So we’ve got a dog in my flat, her name’s Ella (it just occurred to me that I should’ve taken a picture of her before I started writing this, but ah well).

She’s a nine month old samoyed, and as with most of her kind, she sheds a lot and feels the need to mess up the flat to the best of her ability. So, tired of having the house stinking of dog pee all the time, my flatmate (her owner) got her a cage. The rational behind this? Dogs won’t mess up in the place they sleep, and so she’d hold herself while she’s in the cage and then we’d take her out in the morning to pee.

Sounds like a plan, yes?

Well, it worked for a couple of weeks. She wouldn’t pee until we’d let her out of the cage, and would whine and cry till we let her out. And for a little while, there was peace.

Soon though, we started to notice that she wouldn’t complain when we left her in the cage for long periods of time. She’d just lie down like there was nothing happening.

And then we smelled it. Dog pee, strong. All over the corridor. We were confused at first. It didn’t make sense; was she peeing in her cage? By dog instincts, that wasn’t even possible. But, the smell continued.

And then after a while, we realized what was happening; this dog would go to the end of her cage, angle herself, and pee right out of the cage. So she’d relieve herself, but not go against her nature of never peeing where she sleeps.

Which got me thinking; as human beings, we attribute a lot of actions to “nature”. We say people do somethings instinctively, and say shit like “I/he/she couldn’t help it” or “it’s my nature”. There’s a favourite scene from one of the Pirates of the Caribbeans movies I’ve got that’s based on that.

But is it actually impossible to do things that come to us as “unnatural”? Is it impossible to change, because we realize we need to change? Is this whole hiding behind “nature” thing nothing more than a Big excuse used by people too lazy and unremorseful to change? I’ve seen people fix their behavioural patterns, and turn their lives around because they wanted to.

On my quest for weight loss and healthy living, Luminus (my coach) always said (& still says) “you can find a way, or you can find an excuse”.

Saying things like “it’s too hard”, “I can’t do it”, “it’s (not) in my nature” et al, are simply ways to limit yourself and stay within your comfort zone. But the thing about comfort zones is, there’s no progress to be made in them. You’ll simply live as the person you’ve always been, wishing you could be better, but never actually taking steps to be better.

But what do I know? I’m just a flatmate that gets irritated when he steps out of his bedroom and is assaulted by the smell of dog piss.

Well played, Ella.

Have a great week, y’all.

-Panda-

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Runaway Words

And when the Ink dries, and the pages turn to dust, so will we return to dust. – Frank Ocean

So… a new week, yes?

Did y’all have a good weekend? I know I did… I didn’t get to see my little Big Madam, but I still had s decent time. I went to church for the first time in… I don’t know…four months?

Damn. I wish I could make some kind of excuse but well, my hangups with churches and God will probably require a separate post, so I’ll just let it go.

Started a journey with TheMs, which had the potential to be very good for us. But as with all things, I’ve learned very well that the road to hell is indeed paved with good intentions, so I’m praying that it works out for us just like we hope it will.

Chef Fregz is amazing. I should just leave it at that. His Special went really well yesterday (at least I think so); the food was amazing, people came out to support him… I had a good time with family.

And speaking about family, I’ve learned that the best kind of family is the kind you choose to be with. Not like the one you’re born into is bad, but it’s one thing to have something thrust upon you, and another to choose that it’s what you want. S/O to TeamGhenGhen, J & TheMs… Yesterday was so much fun.

This wasn’t what I planned to post but well… Na so e dey happen sometimes. Now I’m going to try to get through the day with as much energy as possible, and not fall asleep at my desk.

Y’all have an awesome week.

-Panda-

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