Good day class. I see some of you (like @KevinWithAnL) got here early. Good. I’m sorry we couldn’t be here yesterday. No excuses, let’s just move on.
So, my co-lecturers and I decided that the lecture on unforeseen circumstances should be postponed. We feel like we owe our female students an education on P-setting as well. Both guys and girls should be able to set P effectively…no?
So, to talk to you all about ladies’ setting that P, I’ve invited Dr. Mrs. Oluwadrake (@exschoolnerd) to talk to you. She has vast knowledge in this area, after setting many a P for herself, and having taught many women how to set their P effectively. So pay attention o!
Summer “P” Setting for Ladies (by Dr. Mrs. Oluwadrake)
I just recently found out the meaning of ‘Setting P’. Like Professor Jibs, I thought it meant “setting penis”. And in a way it does actually…at one point some penis setting will be necessary, abi? Ooooookay, moving on..
Girls set p too o! Not as much as guys do but they do and this is just something to help the lady P-setters set their P even better.
Now, just in case you’ve forgotten already, P-setting is an understanding between you and your potential “P” partner that y’all just want to have mindless sex. It’s not a relationship, there will be no crying when you see him use different girls as his BBM DP and never you, there will no “Awalamey!!! So he just used me sha!”, when you see him flirting with other girls ….he will also not nag you when you use another dude’s picture as your DP, or ‘shine muscle’ anytime he sees “CYDM” on his timeline to some other dude…no, no, no. It’s not a relationship it’s a fling…if u can’t handle the “P” don’t set it…SHIKENA!
Not understanding this and jumping into it can lead to scrunchmunching and yansh opening twitter fights….you don’t wanna go down there!
Now I, your able professor will be lecturing you on how to conduct yourself as you embark on this ‘p setting’ mission. What to wear, what to take over for a night of movies, wine, good food…. Yeah who are we kidding? It’s for a night of maximum kpanshing.
There are many ways to ‘Set P’, but Twitter and BBM have made it easier. As a fine girl, all you gotta do is put up that avatar. You have that pout down just right, not too weak, yet not too “odinabarbie-ish”… you wear that low neck top that emphasizes your assets real good… and the finishing move… the “Sandra-pose” (Sandra got like 100 followers in a day after that picture. Don’t dull.)
So yeah, you have your sexy avatar up and them guys start hollering…From the lame with lines like “Hi I am Determination. I am 26, responsible young man who finished from Ajamilokpa University. Can I get to know you better? …To the trying too hard “If music be the food or love, play on…I think I am in love with your avatar.” …to the downright stupid “I will like to take you from the back, nice pix’ ….till the one that finally catches your eye “Don’t mean to come off as forward or anything, but those eyes….dammmn! Sexiest thing about you.” He never gives you too much attention like the other lame-os, and guess what? He focused on your eyes instead of everything else you had out there. He kinda has your interest from there…y’all start tweeting at each other… and a plus is, he’s not bad looking…. What do you know? Christmas is early.
So y’all tweet at each other, you retweet everything he tweets and add a “LOL” to it even if it’s “JUST HAD BREAKFAST”. Slowly but surely it enters DM…you know how you guys do now… y’all DM every day, getting to know each other… from DM, numbers exchange….from numbers, you arrange a meeting… P IS SET! PLAY BALL!!!!!
*Sorry, I get carried away sometimes.*
So, you are going over to his house…
1. Look Good: You roped him in with your sexy avatar, now he’s gonna see you live and direct, not looking hot is not even an option.
2 .Wear The Right Underwear: If u are like me, you have underwear for different periods. You have those ones that are just right for when you are on your period (granny panties), you have the ones that are just normal good girl looking panties; the kind you want your mum to think you still wear. You have the thongs/G-strings that just leaves everything out there, and you have the lacy sexy panties. Biko! On no account should you wear your period payint for this kind of loloxing o! If there’s a lil’ freak in you, you’ll probably have one of those crotch less panties (I don’t have one ooooo! EHEN! *rotates halo*). They allow for easy access and they are downright slutty and bad…but if you don’t wanna come off as slutty just grab them lacy sexy panties and you are good to go.
3. Gbomo Gbomo Bags: You know all those massive handbags that are in vogue? That can successfully conceal a small child? You need yourself one of those. There will be no nylon carrying…are you going to your village? Ample room for all the essentials…make-up….just in case during the intense kpanshing the sweat wipes off what you have on, and you tend to bear a striking resemblance to a scarecrow without it on (its paramount that you have it with you so you can excuse yourself n just touch up for round
two, nobody wants to make love to a scarecrow. It can make a dick limp faster than u can say ‘shokolokobangoshe’)….extra clothes for your walk of shame….
Some condoms….e.g. Durex, Lifestyle, just in case he’s a gold circle kind of guy (God forbid! Gold Circle is not an option) Sex toys, if u have any…..
4. Carry Vex Money
Like really, in this day and age, any girl who doesn’t hold vex money deserves whatever she gets. How dare you not be prepared for the unforeseen? What if his girlfriend that you didn’t know about and he wasn’t expecting comes around unannounced? While she’s trying to break his head, that’s if she doesn’t face you first, do u think that’ll be the right time to ask him for cab money? No dear! You pick your pata from the ground, slowly wear it, grab your belongings and you run as fast as your legs can take you. Cause the bitch might just be carrying a small container of acid in her bag and is ready to baptize you with it. You run and you find yourself a cab. It could be something else… maybe you didn’t do something he wanted and the jerk goes apeshit on you and throws you out of his house…then what? If you have a car, fine! But vex money always comes in handy. So *holding ears* carry ya what? Carry ya vex money oooooo.
5. Shave Your Pumpum:
Don’t be carrying no okija forest to anybody’s house. Now most guys have preferences though…but the best way to go is the ‘bald look’….no Mohawk nonsense…..just go bald and make sure the pum pum smells pleasant as it should.
6. This is not your boyfriend; he is not your friend. So farting, or taking a dump at his place is a nono. You better hold that shit in (no pun intended) till you get home if you wanna be seeing more p-setting days in your future…. Keep those butt muscles in check. Remember, this is strictly a summer kini. If it gets serious fine, but right now…no messing around (no pun intended I swear)
7. It’s advisable not to set-p with more than one person, but hey. Who died and made me queen of p-setting…? Carry go!!!!
Okay Ladies! I think that covers everything. Stick to these rules and enjoy a wonderful p-setting summer. 🙂
Alright then ladies, I hope you’ve learned something today. See you all next week.