What Real Men Do

Hey people.

Been a while, eh? Yes yes yes…

Anyways, I’m taking a few minutes off work to ask y’all something that’s confused me for quite a while. But before I get there, lemme give y’all the background story.

Please, put your winter jackets away, this isn’t going to be a Chilly Monday Morning Tale.

So, most people that know me know I don’t watch soccer. For me, it’s a pretty drawn out and boring game, and I don’t see the point in watching 22 men brimming with testosterone chasing themselves all over the field like that rapist Pepé Le Pew (yes, I think that little bastard is a rapist) chasing Penelope Pussycat around the field (I know, this is a crappy comparison, but bear with me).

Now, over the years, I’ve met a lot of people that go into shock when they hear I don’t watch soccer. Some of them take it so personal that it worries me. And then some of them take the high road and ask stupid questions like “What kind of man doesn’t like soccer?” & say shit like “So what do you watch on TV, Fashion Week?”

This post is about people like them.

Some more background stuff.

This morning, an unattended septic tank whom I have the displeasure of calling my colleague (from here on referred to as “B”, called me and someone else (here on referred to as “N”) out in our department, because, (and I shit you not) our discussions are usually things he can’t relate to, and because they’re not “masculine”.

I’m a bit confused here.

B complained that N and I are always talking about things he can’t relate with. N & I talk about music, literature, movies, series, websites, blogs… etc. But according to B, our discussions aren’t masculine enough.

So I ask him, “What exactly do you consider masculine then?”

B: “I don’t know… I mean, the stuff you guys are always talking about doesn’t even fall in the top three masculine topics available. How come you guys don’t talk about sports… or women…?”

And so I ask, “Who creates the rules for what masculinity should be?”

Should real men be like this guy?

 

And that’s what I want to know.

Who defines what a man should or should not do? Who decides these things? I mean, as far as I’m concerned, the only thing I think should define a real man is whether he’s a boob man or an ass man (real men love boobies. Don’t argue, just accept it). But saying I’m not a man cos I don’t watch soccer or cos I don’t talk about women all day long? Eez ga o.

I don’t watch soccer; I think it’s a rather boring game. I read books as much as I can. I watch movies and things. I listen to music a lot. When I do watch sports, I watch basketball, tennis when I get the chance, MMA and UFC, boxing, etc. I don’t see the point in sitting down and talking about some babe’s behind or how I got or am trying to get into some other babe’s panties. But as far as men go, I think I’m pretty masculine. I mean, I wake up with a morning wood just like every other guy (TMI? Yes? No?)

Shouldn’t we decide what defines us? I may be taking this a little P, I’m not sure. So lemme stop rambling. If you haven’t gotten bored yet, help me out in the comment section belooooow…

When was there a consortium of men from across the Atlantic, and when did they draft out the rules and guidelines as to what is considered masculine in terms of behavior, discussions, likes and dislikes, etc.? What are these rules, & why didn’t I get the fucking memo?