Category Archives: informing the ignorant

Freedom & the Familiar

I said to someone, earlier on, that the person needed to be free. So I got home, and I decided to check up the dictionary definitions of freedom.

Freedom (taken from

  1. The power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.
  2. The absence of necessity, coercion, or constraint in choice or action

Which basically means that you’re able to do what you want, without constraint. We all know that there’s no such freedom in existence. There will always be some form of constraint in terms of thoughts of repercussion. However, the main point is that, you are able to do what you want to do, and make your own decisions.

Anyways, so I also thought to myself, that if freedom is one end of the spectrum, there’s obviously a different end. Which brings us to “slavery”.

Slavery (taken from

  1. The state of one bound in servitude as the property of a slaveholder or household.
  2. A condition of hard work and subjection
  3. The condition of being subject or addicted to a specified influence.
  4. The condition of being subject to some influence or habit

Definitions numbers three and four caught my eye. One thing came up twice in both definitions; “influence”. So, we peep the meaning of that as well.

Influence (taken from

  1. A power affecting a person, thing, or course of events, especially one that operates without any direct or apparent effort

There’s also the bit about “habit”, which is also defined as:

  1. A behavior or practice so ingrained that it is often done without conscious thought.
  2. A learned behavioural response that has become associated with a particular situation, esp one frequently repeated.

Where am I going with this? I don’t really know. I just know there’s a point here, somewhere.

I watched “Django Unchained” a couple of weeks ago. I remember the scene where Di Caprio broke open that skull, and was spewing that shit about black people staying slaves because it was part of their biological wiring. I remember because when he said that, I said to myself, habit. That was all it was.

These people had been born slaves.

For all their lives, and the lives of at least four generations before, all they had known was slavery. They were born into a world where they were told what to do, where choices were made for them, and they lived strictly for the pleasure of their masters. It was so bad, that even when they could’ve taken the lives of their “masters”, and set themselves free, they couldn’t do it.

Freedom was a concept they didn’t understand. Slavery was all they knew. Slavery was what they were familiar with. They were familiar with the habit of being slaves. Of being told what to do by Caucasians. They were familiar with being under this influence.


It’s funny how people talk about abolishing slavery in the world. It’s funny and I laugh whenever I here it.

Slavery will never die.

Why? Because slavery is not necessarily about putting chains around wrists and shipping a human being off to live in dehumanizing conditions.

Slavery is a state of the mind. I mean, Bob Marley said it himself when he sang “Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery…

I realized, that just like the slaves that were bred, we as human beings can also be bred as slaves, through familiarity.

Where our decisions are not ours, our very lives are not ours. We do things because they make someone else happy. We hurt ourselves, and make ourselves miserable, just because it keeps some other person happy. We find no happiness in this, but we do it.

Because it’s a habit; because we’re familiar with it.

I’ve learned, vicariously, and through my own experiences, that living for other people, is slavery. Living based on the familiar, is slavery.

You know one of the worst things about slavery to me? It’s the fact that, the “masters” would take, take, and take, and drive their slaves on and on, and drive them till they broke their backs, or died, while the “masters” kept looking good, and staying healthy. And when the slaves were gone? They’d simply get more. In modern times, it hasn’t changed. They take, take, and take, until you have nothing left. And then when you’re all burned out? They move on with life. Because that’s what human beings do.

Fear and the familiar, are two things I’ve learned to fight against, in life.

The fucked up thing is, a lot of the time, these two concepts go hand in hand. We get so familiar with certain things, that we’re actually afraid to imagine a world where it doesn’t exist. Even though the slaves were being killed everyday, and treated as less than human by their masters, they could not fight for themselves, because they couldn’t conceive a world where they weren’t been told what to do; where someone else wasn’t responsible for their lives. So they would complain, and cry, and sing negro spirituals going “nobody knows, the troubles I’ve seen… nobody knows, my sorrow…” but at the end of the day, they’d still stay slaves.

I still don’t know where I’m going with this.

I just hope, that you’re reading this, and getting what it is that I’m trying to say. The familiar isn’t the right thing, all the time. Freedom, will come at a price. Freedom, is about stepping out of your comfort zone. Freedom, is about fighting for your life. For your rights. The right to make your own decisions, the right to choose your own path in life.

Fuck the familiar. Fuck what everyone else thinks should be.

“…we must learn, know, write, read; we must kick, bite, yell, scream; we must pray, fast, live, dream, fight, kill, and die free.” – Amir Sulaiman

There Are No Alternatives

On Monday morning, I woke up to some amazing news; Governor Fashola had set up a new law which banned commercial motorcycles (what we call okada), from moving about on the major roads in Lagos.

A lot of things came to my mind when I heard; first of which was “Panda, why’re you just hearing about this? Which kind of last lifting behavior is this?” but well, I thought to myself “let’s see how this pans out.” That morning, it took me at least twice the time and twice the amount it normally would to get to work. I had to get o more buses and I also had to walk quite a bit (and almost got hit by a bus along the way), just to get to work.

Later in the evening, on my way home, it was pandemonium. There were more people on the road, and with no okada to take them to their destination, everyone was forced to squabble for buses. Of course, the laws of demand and supply came into play, and the bus drivers & conductors put up their prices by 50%.

On Monday as well, a lot of people said a lot of things about this ban. A lot of people were for Governor Fashola’s decision, while a lot of people were against it. One thing I noticed though was that most of the people speaking, were speaking with a lot of emotions. People who had been through bad experiences with okadas, people who were being terribly inconvenienced by okadas, people who don’t even get on okadas and couldn’t really care less about them… everyone had an angry word to say. So I kept quiet. In my honest opinion, it’s almost impossible for an angry person to be rational.

Two days after this ban was put in place, I have a few things to say.

First of all, I understand where Governor Fashola is coming from with this; for one thing, okadas have been, over the last two decades or more, being a public nuisance. Most of them break traffic laws all the time, endanger the public, and cause a lot of trouble. As much as I use them, I myself have sometimes referred to them as “pests on two wheels”.

However, even though I can honestly understand his point of view, I do not believe the implementation of his plan is sensible.

Transportation in Lagos, as with most of the infrastructures put in place in Nigeria, is broken. We have no railway, or waterway transport system to speak of, and so we’re left with roads. These roads are in terrible shape dues to being overburdened and under maintained, so plying them takes more time than it should. Okadas have become an important means of movement to the average Lagosian. They help people get through hours of traffic, making it easy to meet appointments and get things done in the shortest time possible. Also, this means of transportation has become a source of livelihood for thousands of people who have mouths to feed.

And Governor Fashola has taken all this away.

There are no alternatives for transportation, none at all. Many people have mentioned BRT Buses as an alternative. Well, even before this ban, the BRT buses were insufficient. A lot of the time, people would have to queue for at least 45 minutes before they’d be able to get into one. So no, I don’t believe they are “the alternative”. Because there are no alternatives, the cost of transportation, like I said earlier, has gone up. Please note that in Lagos, this is the third time in the last ten months that the cost of transportation has gone up. The first and second times being when the cost of fuel went up, and when Third Mainland Bridge was partially shut down for repairs. Unless of course, I’m missing something, the earning power of the average Lagosian has not gone up, meaning that life has become financially harder for the average Lagosian, due to this fact. Because there are no alternatives, there is more traffic on the roads. People, who normally would leave their cars at home and just take okadas about to conduct their business, have to drive. Meaning there are more cars on the roads. More cars on the roads is more stress on these under maintained roads. Because there are no alternatives, people who have appointments to keep, and would normally just go by okada and be there in minutes, have to leave their locations hours beforehand, just to make these appointments in time. Now, a lot of people would say that complaining about this is what a lazy/slothful person would do. But as a person that actually has a job, I don’t see that as the case. Time, is money. If I have to sit in traffic for two hours just to get somewhere it would ordinarily take me twenty minutes to get to, that’s time wasted. I could be doing so much more in the 100 minutes extra that I’ll need to sacrifice to make an appointment. Because there are no alternatives, working individuals now have to leave their houses much earlier to get to work, and get home much later than they normally would. As for the okada riders, what alternatives do they have when their source of livelihood is “banned”? What are they meant to tell their wives and children when they need to put down “money for soup”? How are they meant to explain to their children that they can’t send them to school because they have no money?

Let’s not forget that with this ban, the police and other enforcement agencies have found a new way to extort money from individuals. The police have extended the ban, and are arresting okada men anywhere they see them, taking their machines away, and making them pay ridiculous prices to get them back.

I think Mr. Fashiola needs to have a rethink.

There’s a common saying that goes “when God closes a door, he opens a window”; you don’t fix a problem by making a bigger one with the mindset that says “the people will adjust”. All that does is show that the people are not cared about, and that you don’t have their interests at heart. What happens to the people of Lagos now?

I don’t want this post to simply be one where I just rant and rant, so I’ll try to be silent. It’s quite easy for people at the top to make decisions, but do they (Governor Fashola, I’m looking at you) actually realize the effect of these decisions have on the common man? Are leadership positions meant to be used to proffer solutions, or to cause more problems? Yes, everyone wants Lagos to become a mega-city, but is this really the way? If people spend a third of their day in traffic, how is business meant to be conducted, and how is money meant to be made so that Lagos as a whole can prosper? Yes, I agree that okada men have been a thorn in people sides, but still, is banning them the right way to go? This is simply a case of throwing the baby out with the bathwater.

*sigh* … I don’t even know why I’m bothering with this. As with everything that happens in Nigeria, people will read, and move on. They’ll take the bulls**t that our leaders give us, complain for a little while, but still, they’ll get used to it. Because that’s what we do; we suffer and smile.

I can’t even be bothered anymore.

The Audacity To Breathe

On January 1st 2012, the Federal government of the Republic of Nigeria gave its people the biggest New Year’s gift it could imagine; the subsidy on the importation of PMS was removed, causing the price of fuel to go up by about 115% (rough estimate).

The chaos that ensued almost immediately was to be expected. People crammed themselves into the fuel stations, in an attempt to get fuel at the old rate, and of course, people started talking.

As a young person, most of the information I received about this issue came to me through Twitter, and I saw what we all had to say about it. It started out with complaints, but there were more jokes than anything. The youth made the most ridiculous and hilarious jokes, while some sat back and asked themselves how it was that we could joke about that kind of situation. I have two explanations for this:

Firstly, we have taken so much punishment as Nigerians, that we have developed tough hides; and so when faced with a catastrophe, it seems much easier for us to laugh about it, than to be somber. Secondly, the realization of what the full effect of this subsidy removal would bring had not yet dawned on us.

Today, the 3rd of January, protests have begun all over Nigeria. Amongst the people protesting are market women, carpenters, commercial vehicle operators, newspaper vendors, mechanics, and every other manner of the common person that you can imagine. People have taken to the streets, putting their lives on the line as the police have been ordered to break up these protests in as violent a manner as possible. People have been beaten bloody; the police have thrown teargas and fired their guns right into the middle of the protesters, all in an attempt to stop them from marching to protest the injustice. The stark reality of it is, before the end of today, many people will die. Some people (such as myself), sit and monitor these activities, and try to supply as much information as possible. Some have mocked us, calling us “armchair activists”.

Some however, have said a lot of ridiculous things. I’ve seen statements on twitter that amuse me. Such as, “I don’t see why you people are complaining. Petrol is so much more expensive in Ghana and the UK”. Some are even condemning our right to come out and protest the increase.

It is them I address.

Unlike Ghana or the United Kingdom, Nigeria is one of the top ten producers of oil in the world. I will not attempt to go into the facts and figures, but by the workings of common sense, it is common knowledge that we should not be paying such a steep amount for such an essential commodity. Articles by educated people such as Mr. Lawson Omokhodion, Izielen Agbon Izielen Agbon, and Professor Tam David West have shown that we do not need this supposed “subsidy”, and that we’ve been suffering for no reason. We have been shown that our existing refineries are quite capable of producing the amount of PMS we need for local consumption, and even above it. The price of PMS by any standards, should not be above N40.05/liter, yet the local refineries have been crippled and we’ve been forced to import this fuel which some “individuals” seem to be profiting from, whilst the rest of the Nigerian populace suffered for, because we were forced to pay N65/liter, when it should be N40.05 if we produced it ourselves. And now, the government has removed this “subsidy” (which in essence never existed), and instead of creating an alternative to importation, have forced upon us the price of their incompetence and corruption.

And we are not to complain?

In countries like Ghana and the UK, putting aside the fact that they do not produce even half the amount of oil that Nigeria does, we must also remember that things work in those countries. They do not require PMS to power electricity generators because they have constant electricity, and also have functional infrastructure. So the price of PMS is offset by the fact that things work. Unfortunately, the same hasn’t been able to be said about Nigeria for a few decades.

With the increase in the price of PMS, a resultant increase in the price of… well, everything has occurred. Transportation, food, accommodation, goods and services… everything has gone up. Making it twice as difficult for the average Nigerian, who already struggles, to survive.

And we are meant to keep silent?

I refuse to believe that there are some people out there that can be so insensitive that they would not understand what this action by our government is going to do to Nigeria. No matter who you may be; Nigerian or otherwise, rich or poor. It is obvious that the entire nation is going to suffer if the government is permitted to place this manner of injustice on our heads like trays of fruit. Have we gotten to the point that the legendary Fela Kuti spoke of, simply accepting orders like zombies? Are we meant to watch our people degenerate even further as it becomes even more difficult to survive in a country where there is so much? Are we meant to watch our leaders sit back and remain the fattest and highest paid leaders and officials in the world, while the average Nigerian struggles to make less than $1/day, and then cry helplessly because the little made isn’t even close to enough for them to get a simple meal to eat every day? Amongst the people who supposedly deliberated on the rationale behind removing the “subsidy” without providing a means of making up for it, how many of them actually know what it’s like to not have any fuel at all? When was the last time any of them knew the true meaning of the word “lack”? What we have in Nigeria are rulers who are grossly insensitive to the plight of the common man, sit behind the confines of their havens, and make up laws and policies that make me question their sanity and quite honestly, their intelligence.

How? I ask you; how are we even meant to stay silent in a situation like this?

For too long, like a poet Amir Sulaiman said, we have been dead men walking, mute men talking and blind men watching our people die. It has gone too far. Some say words are little, but they are more powerful than many understand. Ask the people of Libya. They’ll tell you that their protests may have been painful and bloody, but they got what they wanted in the end. Some would argue that the way to do this should be via negotiations and nationwide strikes. And while I agree with that, at this point, we must do something. We should not sit and take it, just because we can. We have every right to speak out. We have every right to cry, scream, kick, bite, make a ruckus and fight for what is our right. And if the time is now, I believe that there’s never a better time than the present.

For those who do not understand why we protest, for those who are comfortable and question our sanity, I will say this; questioning our right to protest evil when it is thrust upon us, is like asking us why we have the audacity to breathe.

Asking us to go back to our homes and accept this yoke that our president and the rest of his government wish to thrust on our heads, is asking us to dig our graves, buy our coffins and clean our best clothes for our own burials.

I may not be out in the thick of things, shouting in protest with the rest of my brothers. I may be an “armchair activist” because I’m sitting on my bed typing this for whoever seeks to know the truth. But I will for no reason under the sun, ask anyone who wishes to protest, to stay at home. I will not be a party to this evil. I will not help the government kill us.

I’d rather die.

This post does not solely reflect my views. It’s also supported by other writers such as ‘Dania Idam, Wale Adetula, Joseph Parker, Martins Ekwe, Kelvin Steve, Efeoghene Ori-Jesu, Festus Okubor, Terdoo Bendega, Oluwafemi Adebule, Dare Falowo, Coco Anetor-Sokei, Jibola Lawal, Oyebowale Odutola, amongst others.

She’s Such A Lady

Hey there good people…

Yes, I know I abandoned everyone. I’m terribly sorry. I’ve been kinda down with a selective form of writer’s block, and as such, I couldn’t write anything till I was done with the story I was writing. Thankfully, I’m done with it so I can think and put out stuff. I’m doing writing exercises to help me push the block outta the way so I hope things should go back to normal soon.

Alright then… y’all know it’s usually when something happens to catch my attention that I decide to write so… wait first… lemme play one jam like this…

*NP “Lady” by Fela*


If you call am “woman”, African woman no go gree.

She go say…she go say “I be lady o”

I heard this song a long time ago… and when I was old enough to make some sense of it, I just thought it was a song that was poking fun at babes. It was silly and all, but I didn’t really pay it any mind… until recently.

A few weeks ago, I was talking to one of my female friends, and I called her a girl. But then I apologized and said she was a woman. Now this babe, to my surprise, looked at me and said “I’m not a woman o, I’m a lady. I’m too young to be a woman. I mean… I’m only 22.”

A few days later, I was talking to another chic friend, and when the same thing came up and I called her a woman, she told me that she’s “not a woman o…” So I asked her if she was a girl. And she said no. And of course I asked, “so what are you?” and she says “I’m a lady”.

At this point in time, I burst out laughing and she has this bemused look on her face wondering why I’m laughing my ass off. So I ask; “Babe, are you saying that the transition phase between being a girl and being a woman, is being a lady?” And she looked at me and said, “ehen now.”

O ga o.

I’m confused as to when this happened; when “lady-hood” suddenly became the transition phase where members of the female specie nestle on their way to womanhood from girlhood, sort of like the cocoon that shields the phase between caterpillar and butterfly. As far as I know, “lady” is a title that was used to address women of noble birth or some other form of superior social standing back in the day, and now is simply used as a polite way of referring to a woman and the only “women” that try to claim “lady” by force are really just peasants trying to feel noble by force. But of course, a lot of Nigerian babes just love to go the hardest when they’re displaying ignorance. I mean really. Can you imagine a dude saying “I’m not a boy, but I’m not a man; I’m a Lord.” Or saying, “I’m too young to be a man. I’m a gentleman.” (I’m going to assume that there’s no dude out there with the IQ that God gave gravel that would be dumb enough to say that so…) How stupid would that sound? That’s basically the same thing going on here.

And then, I just don’t get it. Do these members of the female race imagine that a man would want a “lady” and not a “woman”? By the old meaning of what a lady is, these were just women who were high born, most of them couldn’t do a single thing for themselves besides maybe knit and (if they were exceptional) cook. They were mostly of no use to their fathers than to hold their virtues with all chastity, be pretty and get married to some lord who would pay a handsome bride price for them. That is all.

Now bring that to modern times; that kind of woman would be a liability in all senses of the word. I don’t want that kind o. I want a strong woman that I can count on to help out when there’s trouble. That can look out for herself when I’m not there and watch my back when I need it. I don’t want any woman that’s just fine for nothing (although I do want a fine woman *winks*) and I’m sure my brothers agree with me.

So why do these Nigerian women place so much emphasis on being “ladies” and not “women”? I have absolutely no idea. Maybe somebody can shed some light on it *shrugs*. Women complain about how there many good men aren’t left in the world. My sister Sisi Ijebu in her Last Post claimed that for every correct woman out there, there’s only 0.67 good men. And I actually can’t disagree. My lot is a rare breed *DodgesSlippers*. So how do you think we should manage when the women actually believe that it’s better to be a “lady” than to stand queen like a real woman?

Anyways, I still have to work on bringing my writing back out, but this is kinda just an FYI thing. My sisters; “lady” is a title. It’s not who you are. You can be a lady if you behave like one, you can act all lad-like i.e. noble, self-respecting, etc… but that is not a substitute for being a girl, or a woman. Quit being ignorant okay?


O by the way,

Social Media Illiteracy.

The preponderance of illiteracy, or in this case, deliberate stupidity which has been observed over the internet, at least via social media, is alarming. And I consider it a public service to every one, to complain.
That being said,
Don’t get me wrong. This is not about people dropping gbagauns of epic proportions all over Facebook and Twitter. Neither is it about people who are actually semi-illiterate, but still imagine that they’re going to be the “valid victorians” of their classes. I will not be insulting them today. Their “low selves of steam” may not be able to take it. 😐
No. This is about these idiots on Twitter that have decided to waste the money their parents have spent providing them with an education.
I started noticing this madness on my birthday last year. Whilst some people were saying “Happy Birthday” like normal individuals, some people decided to tweet “HBD @CapoeiraPanda”.
I thought it was a joke then. Till I saw the same thing on other people’s TL on their birthdays.
Then on Christmas Day, I saw MCM (Merry Christmas) on my TL and on Facebook. Of course, on January 1st, it was HNY (Happy New Year).
At this point, I had to complain. I mean I was confused. Was it that they were trying to conserve their 140 characters? Were their thumbs hurting? So they couldn’t type out the full thing? Were they suffering from severe cases of acute stupidity?
But it hasn’t ended there o.
Now, people write HNM (Happy New Month), and GM (Good Morning). Someone actually wrote “HMD to my lovely mum”. HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY?!? Was that so hard to write? I mean, if you can’t spare the energy to wish your MOTHER a happy mother’s day, then I doubt she’s really happy to be a mother to such an olodo child. *sigh*
Today, is April Fools Day, as I’m sure you may have noticed. And @DemiladeR complained that someone sent him a message on BBM saying “HAFD Demilade.” I just cannot.
I’m starting to wonder who taught these people english in secondary school. The gateman perhaps? I’m guessing the bus driver also doubled as the school principal? No? Just guessing.
I think.the problem is that people are taking this “I’m on the internet, I can type informally” thing a bit too far. Your being on the internet, does not mean you should write like someone that has the IQ of a blade of grass. Even the “140 characters isn’t enough.” Excuse doesn’t really work for me. I’m not saying that it’s not a valid reason o. I know there may not be enough space to write. I also know that there are some globally accepted abbreviations like LOL, LMAO, LWKM, TGIF, WYCDTU, TMI, etc… But there should be limits to all this fuckery.
And recently, I’ve started seeing things like LWTMB (laugh wan tear my belle), LWMMC (laugh wan make me cum), LWCMO (laugh wan commot my ovaries)
What in the name of God is this?
I’m fed.
I think some of these people should be sued my the minister of education, for alleging to have attended schools in Nigeria.
I’m just tired.
Please, if you’re a friend of mine, or we follow each other on Twitter, and you so happen to take this post personal (ie, you actually type this way, I’ve made you feel like you possess all the intelligence of a doorknob and so you’re upset); please feel free to locate the nearest and most fertile patch of concrete in your immediate vicinity, and plant your head in it. Maybe some common sense may germinate. Because I don’t understand what is wrong with you.
If you do not engage in this disturbing manner of writing, please, spread the word to the people whom you know do. Tell them that it is pure stupidity, and they need to stop it. It shows nothing but ignorance. And acts that are repeated form the basis of habit. Most of these people are either undergraduates, or actual graduates. Let’s act like it. It’s bad enough that people say Nigerian universities produce washed up graduates. Let’s stop proving them right. Even if “it’s just Twitter”.
MIDTMO (me I don talk my own)

Posted from WordPress for Android®

Things These Girls Do…


So… as everybody knows, I never complain about things until they start to vex me too much. Oya I’m vexed.

I was reading @thetoolsman’s blog post about women who show too much boob to attract guys (which I totally encourage *singing in 50pence’s voice* look luv I’ll give you 5h it you let me see your jugs), & about women who show ass crack (which absolutely disgusts me *ugh* I have class you know)

Anyways, so I wondered to myself, what other stupid things do women do these days that they think is sexy but is just retarded.

I thought it would take a while to find, but as I looked at the avatar of a new follower, I saw it.

This babe took a pic in the bathroom of some club looking like Amy  Winehouse surrounded by 4 empty bottles of Premium Whytes & Mackey. And the girl was pouting!

Yes. She was doing like somebody was forcing her to kiss transformer.

And I just have to wonder to myself. When did this pouting thing become legalized by the tri-state consortium of Heffers, Skanks & Blackberry Babes as their global “peace” sign. Cos it looks like somebody’s splitting their lips apart with two fingers…

Okay wait, that came out wrong.

No …wait…so did that….shet.

O…! Grow up joh!


I really don’t get it o. I don’t even know who the babe that started this pouting picture is. I’m sure it’s Nikki Minaj. She should be tried for war crimes against mankind.

Because I think I speak for myself and the rest of the men that I know, then I believe I can tell you that it is very disgusting!

It’s as irritating as babes that expose ass crack all over the place.

But I may be wrong. Some guys may think that a girl looking like Angelina Jolie on crystal meth is sexy. Good for them. But this is my opinion sha.

(Ladies please don’t kill me for this though. Remember you love me ❤ )

& as if it wasn’t bad enough that she looked like she’d been frenching SpongeBob SquarePants, she was taking it in a club bathroom.

I don’t get, is a picture of themselves in a club bathroom, among womenfolk, now the equivalent a picture of boys popping bottles in the club?

Why do they do this? Is it that they can’t afford photography studios, so they create the studio effect with the bathroom walls?

I’m getting a lil sick of it o.

Abi, am I the only one? You tell me.

Posted via Blogaway on my Android® Device.

>The Freak Within


It’s been a while abi? I’m sure you’ve been wondering where I’ve been. Well, I was in the middle of exams….trying to make sure Daddy Panda’s hard earned money wasn’t going down the toilet. But it was good. God took care of me, now awaiting the results. For those people that called, texted, tweeted, or whatever, wishing me the best in my exams, and praying for me & stuff, thanks. I appreciate. If you didn’t, well…I hope your dog dies. K

Where else have I been? Well, since Thursday night, I’ve been right where Globacom Nigeria wanted me to be; Bent over, right in front of them, with my pants around my ankles.

Two bloody days!!! That’s all I have to say.

Anyways… a few days ago, I was reading a post on called “The Good Girl vs. Bad Girl Conundrum”, and it was about, how guys, although they want one, cannot handle having a freak in the sheets as their girlfriend. Supposedly, we’ve been raised to respect women, and the level of sexual deviance necessary for “Freakiness” is just not something that a guy can handle, and still respect his girlfriend. So usually, he’ll either suffer like that (assuming he wants a freak) or go out and find a freak to satisfy his dark, inner desires.


On Thursday, surprisingly, this was the same topic of discussion on Twitter’s #Tweminar, (arranged by @Gigachic I think) . Would a guy rather have a good girl, or a freak? Guys say they want freaks, but they can’t respect them…blah blah bollocks.

From a maverick’s perspective, this is all just bullshit.

First of all, some operational definitions:

Freak: A babe who knows how to work it in bed. Has a very good sexual appetite, & knows how to break a guy off properly.

Good Girl: A girl who is supposedly “innocent” in the ways of sexual activities. She has no experience, and will probably be an “ok” sexual partner.

Now, let’s get to it.

Every guy, at least every sensible guy I know, would love to be able to have amazing sex with their girlfriends. The kinda sex that leaves you partially deaf in one ear for like 30mins. The kinda sex that makes a brother get outta bed and go cook a meal for her right after. How do you do that without a freak?

I fail to understand why people would think that a guy can’t handle the “Lady in the street but freak in the sheets” girlfriend. Okay, I do though. Women are so tied up in what they think the Nigerian Man is that they forget that we’ve evolved over the last decade or so. So, they feel this odd need to pretend, to be something they’re not, just so the dude will respect and stay with them.

Here’s the truth. Every guy wants to be able to have the kind of sex I described above, with his girlfriend. If he can’t get good sex, he’s going to be sexually frustrated. Even more so, if he has actually had sex on that level, with someone else, at some point in his life, before this girlfriend showed up. Now, a sexually frustrated man will most likely resort to:

    1. Infidelity


  • Masturbation
  • Just being plain old miserable for the length of the relationship.



Let’s be honest. None of these are desirable alternatives. No woman wants a cheating man, and a lot of women feel insulted if her man would rather beat off than sleep with her.

Now, on Thursday, while Tweminar was going on, everyone kept saying how the man would cheat if he couldn’t get a freak in the sheets…”the woman nko?” was what I asked.

If the woman is a closet freak, who’s been pretending to be a good girl so that her man won’t feel insecure and get disrespectful, gets frustrated cos this dude is just doing the same old missionary, when she wants him to spread her across three continents, pull her hair and drive her home like a pack of wild horses (pardon meJ)…well, we’re gonna have the same effects as listed above with the sexually frustrated dude. So at the end of the day, with the pretense and “good girl”ism, everyone gets screwed (just, not the way they’d want to be screwed)

It’s all about honesty.

First of all, ladies. I know a good man is hard to find and all, but really. Making yourself unhappy just so some dead guy can take you serious is not the way forward. If he can’t accept you for who you are that really is his luck. You wanna let out the freak within, please, don’t dull yourself, or there’ll be nobody to blame but….you.

Fellaz, I think it’s time we stop thinking in stereotypes. “Freak” and “Ho” are two completely different words. Just because she’s freaky, doesn’t mean you can’t respect her. She is not a ho. And if you say that’s what you want, then don’t mess about when you get it. And, if you get a girl who actually is a good girl (no pretense here), then you have two options. Rather than start cheating, or endure a hopeless relationship, you can either; 1. Leave her be, and let someone who will appreciate her for who she is, come into her life. Or… 2. You can teach her.

Personally, I prefer the second option. In my opinion, everyone has a freak within. They just haven’t been introduced yet. So, rather than going out to get the freak as your side chic, teach your girl that it’s okay to be freaky. And all those things you want her to do? Teach her. Slowly, bit by bit. Let her use initiative sometimes. An added bonus that comes with teaching, she does things exactly the way you want her to do them. It’ll take time, but sooner than later, you’ll have the woman you want.

A word of advice though; is be careful what you wish for. Know the kind of girl that you’re making into a freak. Don’t go complaining if you create an uncontrollable sex monster o. it’s just one of the hazards you have to deal with. And if you want a freaky girlfriend, be ready to deal with what you asked for.

Ladies, not every guy that says they can handle the “Lady in the street – Freak in the sheets” woman, actually can. Look very well at the kinda guy first…test him with little things…you know how you women do. Just sha know what’s up.

That’s all I have to say for now…I’ve got other stuff I wanna write…some poetry & stuff, but that may come later. If you wanna read the “The Good Girl vs. Bad Girl Conundrum”, check out ok?

Have a good week.

The Naija Blonde.


I’m really confused. What is it with girls, who think that their pretty faces give them an excuse to be all daft???

These days, the term for a lot of girls (I’d call them women, but that’d be an insult to real women so…) in Lagos is “Naija Blonde”. Cos mehn, the level of stupidity among them is frightening! And speaking about being blonde, has anyone noticed how many “girls” these days, refer to themselves as “Black Barbie”???

I’m a bit confused here. Is it that most of these girls don’t realize that one of the biggest qualities that Barbie had/has been the fact that the light bulb on her mental porch wasn’t particularly bright??? She always had to run to “Ken” for help (who in my opinion was just as dimwitted for being in a relationship with such an expired carton of unintelligence). Why in the name of everything holy would anyone want to be the “black version” of that??? I don’t get it!!!

Case: So this very pretty girl walks into the library – It’s that section of the library where people can bring in their laptops, so they can browse and get their work done – So, I’m looking like, hmmm…who’s this pretty young thing??? Thankfully, I’m looking real fly in this lilac shirt and purple paisley tie, so I look her straight in the eye & say hi with a smile on (anyone notice the rhymes?? J)

First of all, the olodo of a child barely even says hi back. That one irritated me right away! I mean me!!! Na wa o…wharris going on in this life??? Anyways, so she brings her laptop in, and – after doing me anyhow – she asks if I can help her sort out her connection. This is the conversation that follows:

Dumb Girl: Hey, em, please could you help me? I wanna connect my lappy.

Panda: O. No wahala. That dude over there is sharing a wifi connection.

DumbGirl: (With a confused look on her face) A what?

Panda: A wifi connection.

DumbGirl: (Looks even more confused) ehn??

Panda: (An exasperated look on my face) a wireless connection.

DumbGirl: O. So how do I get it?

*I point at the laptop that’s connected to the LAN port*

DumbGirl: But there’s no-one there!

Panda: I mean… (Another exasperated look shows up) I mean the connection is being shared off that pc. Oya turn on your wifi.

DumbGirl: My what??

*my head is starting to hurt*

Panda: The wireless on your laptop dear.

DumbGirl: Oh. (With a look that says the light bulb on her mental porch has finally reached half current) alright then.

//two minutes elapse as she attempts to turn on her pc & put on her wifi.//

DumbGirl: Ok it’s on. What should I do now?

*I’m trying my best to not tell her to carry the laptop and use it as a tray in her house, since she obviously lacks the requisite intelligence to use it properly.*

Panda: Search for a network. It’s called ******

//Two minutes later//

DumbGirl: I can’t find it o!

Panda: Is your wifi on??

DumbGirl: Yes it is.

*O for fuck sake!!! I get up*

Panda: Oya bring it.

Now, would you believe that this idiot hadn’t turned on her wifi?!?!?!

Panda: But your wifi isn’t on!

DumbGirl: O……sorry….thank you sha.


At this point in time, all possible attraction that may have existed on a mental level (which in some instances is more important than the physical) has been blasted with a disintegration ray gun. And she’s beginning to look less pretty. I mean, it’s hard to find someone attractive when you keep seeing donkey ears on their head…

I just can’t.

@imMiSsChYliB (an intelligent female friend of mine) told me that some women think that behaving dumb will make guys a bit more attracted to them. Like, a guy is gonna pick a chic that looks like Rosario Dawson but with the brain of a 2 year old kid with Down’s Syndrome, over a simple, somewhat attractive but not jaw dropping woman, who is intelligent and has her wits about her.

Really?? Is that what these girls are being taught in that “secret school” which we men have no idea exists??? If that’s what they teach, then mothers better go and collect their money back o! They are being scammed!!!

There is not one guy alive, who would do such an intensely brainless thing. The only way that would happen, was if all he was interested in was a quick shag or two. And if possible, no cuddling afterwards.

A dumb girl that’s always in need of help spells only one thing: L.I.A.B.I.L.I.T.Y (spell it with me people). And the last time I checked, we fellas don’t want those, we want assets (& by this I don’t just mean big behinds, even though that may be a plus)

So let me clarify. We do not like dumb women. Being stupid will only attract niggas that’ll shag you & then leave. Every real man (and I say “real” cos there’s a lot of fake fools out there) wants a woman with a good head on her shoulders; who will be able to handle herself when there’s some kinda trouble. We wanna be your shoulder to lean on, not to be carrying the full weight that comes with a wooden head!

So please, ladies, be pretty. But in all your getting pretty, please get smart as well. Remember that you attract to yourself, people that are a reflection of the kind of person that you are. So, if the only dudes that wanna date you are dumb niggas………