Category Archives: BlockRecovery

Prodigal Words Return

*CracksFingers*

Well, it looks like everything’s just the way I left it in this place, isn’t it?
I want to say I’ve been busy, but the very fact that I can take the time to write this defeats such a statement, atink.

Anyways, it’s the festive season everywhere, and of course, people are opening their hearts and their wallets in the spirit of Christmas. If you’re a young’un, I don’t know why you’re reading this blog it’s obviously time to start looking out for what your parents and big mommies and daddies are going to get you for Christmas. If like me, you’re on the other side of that very unfair divide, well it’s time for you to start drawing up your Christmas gift list, or as I like to call it, the “how to be broke before the new year” list.

But that’s not what this is about.

Actually, I have no idea what this is about. As usual, I’ve been going through the cycle where I don’t write for a long time, start to feel really bad about it, and then start planning a comeback. I have no idea what I want to write about, but my fingers are a bit itchy (get your mind outta the gutter), and it’s time to dust off my keyboard and put some words down again.

I’m looking for a 30 day writer’s challenge to try out in January. I figure the problem is that I’ve been out of touch for a minute, and having a reason to write for thirty consecutive days should get me back in shape. I just hope I’ll be able to stick to it.

Alternatively, I’m looking for reasons to write. I recently started writing on The Sauvage, as a fitness and nutrition guy. I’ve put down one post so far, and thankfully the Editor hasn’t sent assassins after me to find out why I haven’t written anything more. Hopefully, I’ll kick off some more stuff with them by the end of the week. If you’ve got anything you’d like for me to pitch in for, just holla at me, and we’ll see what we can do (yes, Wole I’m talking to you. I know I’m pretty inconsistent, but forgive me and send me an email).

So, what else has been happening?

Well, today I was faced with the choice between being a decent member of the multiverse, and being downright very selfish. I thought it through, and realized that I could have done what I wanted, and nobody would have ever known. All that’d have happened would’ve been someone else would have taken a very big fall, and I’d have kept on stepping.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my mother raised a good man. There was no way I would have been so cruel as to let another man fall just so I could be happy for a short period. I made the decision to do the right thing.
But. It. Was. So. Hard.

It’s so easy to be morally upright when your morals aren’t tested. When things actually go different from what you’re used to? When that test does come your way? That’s where your true measure as a person is taken.
Lol I’m still here, wondering if I made the right decision by being good.
Anyways, that’s all for now. Maybe I can do this more consistently, maybe I can’t.

*shrug*


What Happened To The Maverick’s Perspective?

I need a reason to write.

Yes, the post before this one (if you actually wasted your time reading it), was borne from this problem;

I feel like I have nothing to write about anymore.

I took up a job as a writer for GreenlightNG. I write for them twice a week; nothing fancy, just articles reporting things that I consider interesting. I have no idea why I did, seeing as I’ve been wailing about how I never have time to write anymore. But I felt like I needed it. I needed something to make me open a word document and type something that isn’t related to anything I do between the hours of nine to five on a weekday.

My girlfriend asked me yesterday; “Does the maverick no longer have a perspective?”… I didn’t tell her, but that was one of the most painful questions I’ve been asked in a while. In a good way though. Because now, I want to write again. I want to find that pot inside me where I drew my ink from.

Ugh… I’m just sha complaining.

Let’s see how this goes… one day at a time, yes?

Yes.


Challenging Myself: Final

[Get You Open | The Ambassador]

So, today’s where it ends huh?

Somehow or the other, I’m not as happy as I thought I would be to see this challenge end. I mean, it was really cool to have a target to meet every single day; something to look forward to doing everyday and shit. But well, everything comes to an end eventually, and it’s time for this to end.

The last month has been… interesting. Taking this challenge has forced me to look at a lot of things that were (considered) important in my life, and also to write out my opinions and thoughts about many, many things.

[I Like Me | Kirk Franklin]

One thing that came to my mind a couple of days ago, is that we get over things. It may take a long time, it may hurt like hell for the time that it takes for you to move past it all, but eventually, we move on. One of the easiest ways to find out if you’ve moved on, are if the mnemonic associations you related to the experience stop kicking in when you come across them. Shout out to Remi… you told me it would happen, I just didn’t understand enough to believe you. I’ve learned a lot about family; how they’re the ones that help you, that stay by you when you need them… I’ve learned that I have a family. They’re the most unexpected (well, some of them) people I could’ve ever imagined, but they’re there for me. And I love them…. and they know themselves. 😀

[Personal Jesus | Tonex]

Anyways, I’m really hoping the next month of my life is fantastic. I’ve got something amazing coming up soon, which I’ll probably put up on here when it happens… something life changing. And I’m looking forward to it… that’s definite.

Speaking about getting over things and mnemonic associations, I was reading the “I Miss You” series on Efe’s blog and I remembered that I wrote a poem early last year with the same… theme. Funny how I haven’t read it since I wrote it back then. When I read it again, I was slightly scared that it would bring back memories that should have been gone… but it didn’t. So, I’m really happy to know completely that every bit of me that was associated with that is done.

Maybe I’ll post it here… who knows? 🙂

Oh yeah, if you decide you want to do this Blog challenge, you can find it here.

This was fun… see y’all soon.

-Panda-


Challenging Myself: Day Twenty Nine

[Glorious One | Fee]

*sigh*

This Challenge was meant to be finished yesterday. Unfortunately, Globacom decided to act like a slacked sumo wrestler’s thong, and I was left without a sensible internet connection for two days. This wasn’t the plan. The Challenge ends today.

Day Twenty Nine: A Picture of Me

Uhm, I’m not sure I understand what the point of this is. But hey… here I am.

 

Day Twenty Nine, done.

-Panda-


Challenging Myself: Day Twenty Eight

[Dust | Frank Ocean]

So, the last year has been… interesting. I’ve gone through many things, and come out on top. One of these things, I’d have to say, has to be NYSC. I got posted to Niger State, originally, and I remember that when I got there, I tried to reconcile the idea of my staying there for an entire year, and it just didn’t make any sense. Besides the fact that the Northern part of Nigeria has been… dangerous to say the least, it was just too far away from… everything. I didn’t know anyone there, I was… confused. But well, I got relocated to Lagos, and then began my journey here. It was a long journey, it wasn’t easy, and I’ve gone through a lot of stuff as I walked down that road.

But that’s over now.

A friend of mine asked me how I feel about it. I don’t know how I’m meant to feel. Free? Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder? Maybe… I’m just really glad I won’t have to wear those ugly ass uniforms anymore. I’m glad I won’t have to leave my crib to go sit down somewhere for hours, in the name of Community Development where I never did anything but sit.

I’m glad this chapter of my life is at an end. I wrote it; full of mistakes and experiences, but I wrote it. And as I close it today, a new chapter begins. And I’ll write that as well, until that ends. And I’ll keep writing. “…and when the ink dries, and the pages turn to dust, so will we return to dust…”

[Dangerous | Busta Rhymes]

Day Twenty Eight: My Happiest Month This Year

Okay, considering that we’re in October, I think it’s kinda weird that I’m attempting to decide what month I was happiest. Shouldn’t I just push this particular post to December? Wouldn’t that make more sense? No? No? Okay…

If I had to pick a month when I was happiest, in the last ten months, it’d have to be February. In February my life was… uncomplicated. I’d just moved out of my old man’s house, My mama was still in town, my old man and I had started getting along (cos I’d moved outta the house), I’d just started my job in an office that I really loved working at, I was… I wouldn’t say I was in love or in a relationship, cos I wasn’t, but I had an arrangement going on that I was pretty happy with. Things were looking pretty certain for me. And that’s one thing I love; certainty. I like feeling like I know what’s going on. Even if I’m not in control of it, the simple fact that I actually know what’s happening and there’s nothing to worry about, is for me, a very wonderful thing.

[We Made It | Busta Rhymes & Linkin Park]

February was a good month. March brought a lot of uncertainty and fear, and well… the months that followed weren’t so easy. But things get better eventually. This is one thing I believe; cos I have to… cos I need to… the year isn’t over yet. Maybe November and December will bring more joy. I hope they bring you joy.

Day Twenty Eight, done.

-Panda-


Challenging Myself: Day Twenty Seven

[S’eri | D-Tone]

So, NYSC ends tomorrow. I’m not completely sure how I feel about this. I mean, it’s been a year of… well… experiences, really. From Niger State, to Abuja, back to Lagos, and moving out of my parents’ house, it’s been quite dramatic. But all that ends tomorrow, and I become “a real boy”… well, let’s see what my life brings as tomorrow comes and goes.

Day Twenty Seven: About My Siblings

Well, what is there to say about my sisters?

Beautiful, yes… Intelligent, yes…

Uhm… what else?

*sigh*

We have a strange relationship, my sisters and I. A lot of the time, we don’t always agree on things, and we don’t even talk all the time, but I’ve come to realize that in a funny way, we’re always there for each other, just like siblings should be.

I don’t even know what I’m supposed to say now sef. Am I meant to talk about them in detail? Tell you how old they are, or… what? *shrug*

I’m gonna have to cop out on this.

Day Twenty Seven, done. Three days to go!

-Panda-


Challenging Myself: Day Twenty Six

“… only the strong will continue, I know you have it in you, ‘cos we’ve got a journey to go…” – Nas & Damian Marley

On this thirty day journey that I undertook, I’ve gone through twenty five days. Along the way, a lot of things happened, and I found myself not posting on time. However, I keep pushing forward, trying to make sure those posts get in no matter what, even if I have to post a day or two late. Neither exhaustion, PHCN, nor Godzilla wearing a ski-mask can stop me from finishing. On that note, I know it’s a day late, but here’s day twenty six.

Day Twenty Six: My Religious Beliefs

*singing* “I believe Jehovah Jireh… I believe in Heaven…”

It’s funny how, the first time I heard Frank Ocean’s “We All Try”, those were the first words that struck me. And, listening to the rest of the song, it felt like those were the most important things for him to let everyone know he believed in. He’s not perfect, but he believes in Jesus, and he’s trying.

I’m kinda the same way.

Over the years, I’ve seen the fire of belief in God that I possessed, become rather weak; up until I reached a bridge of many questions and I wasn’t sure anymore if I really believed in God. After a while, when I decided I wanted to come back, I became quite worried that He wouldn’t want me back, so I still stayed away. I had many qualms and reasons to be angry, but well… we all have our issues.

What’s the point of this cool story? I’m obviously digressing.

My religious beliefs, yes.

I was born into a Christian home. So for me, growing up, it wasn’t really something I had to think about. I was Christian by default. I believed in Jesus Christ and His legitimacy as the Son of God unequivocally. Of course, as I got older, I began to ask questions. I remember one day, this dude said to me “only God knows who’s serving him right. All we can do is hope that we’re right. Because at the end of the day, man is still man; fallible, and quite capable of leading themselves astray.”

I think he was right. But like I said a couple of posts ago, I realized that as right as he was, it’s much better to live like there is a God and find out that there isn’t, than to live like there isn’t, and find out that there is. As to why I’m a Christian… *sigh*… I’ve looked at other religions, and asked myself, “why not them? Why do I believe in Jesus? Why is He God to me?”

“Is Christ the Lord, you ask me? I say He can be, for He never taught anything Himself but love… If Christ is the Lord, then what a beautiful miracle it is. That the Lord Himself should come down to Earth and clothe Himself in flesh to better know us and comprehend us. Oh, what God, ever made in the image of Man and by His fancy, was ever better than one who would become flesh?” – Anne Rice

That’s what I believe.

Day Twenty Six, done

-Panda-